One little piggy went to market, two little piggies got gunned the f*ck down

Hot on the heels of the earth-quaking news that 50 Fiddy Cent is considering branching into the field of sex toys - he's considering lending his name to a range of vibrators - comes word that the rapper-turned-inverted-commas-actor is to put paper to pen, for kids.

Think of the children. Oh, you did.

Fiddy reckons he could teach the yoooot of today a t'ing or twelve about, y'know, The Streets and stuff. "The stories will have a positive message, something that kids can learn from," said the hip-hop megastar, just prior to flossing his teeth with a string of purest gold and tossing it away into a platinum flip-top bin.

Not being funny, but I'm not sure too many kids will be interested in what Fiddy keeps in his Candy Shop...

And here's a little something about The Streets: after a few pints, I'd do Mike Skinner.