Madonna has revealed the secret behind her frantically ballooning exoskeleton – the poverty of London’s transport system.
The main bones of contention were city Mayor Ken Livingstone’s much-maligned congestion charge policies and the general inadequacy of the London underground.
“The traffic in London is worse than ever now,” the singer said after revealing to Q that she wouldn’t be voting for Livingston in the forthcoming mayoral elections. “All Red Ken wants is roadworks going on everywhere.”
"Don't use The Tube; can't use the roads? No. I'll just have to walk I guess."
On your hands? No, probably not, but Madonna returns that ridiculous second serve with an absurd volley all her own.
"I would make it so that young musicians, aspiring musicians wouldn't have to pay the congestion charge or pay taxes."
Unfortunately, traditional exposes on the absurd rely on the ability to have at least one handle on logic. After ten minutes fumbling around in the dark for a way to connect the words ‘mp3 speaker phones’, ‘spoken word’ and ‘knife crime’, DrownedinSound gives up and offers this.
- - -
Madonna’s claims have been dismissed by both a spokesperson for the mayor’s office and environmental group Friends of the Earth.
Got news? Email us at firstname.lastname@example.org