Papa, don't take the tube, the Circle line's down and people keep throwing themselves under trains

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Madonna »

by Kev Kharas [Edit this content] ▾ 15 comments 12:08 March 28th, 2008

Madonna has revealed the secret behind her frantically ballooning exoskeleton – the poverty of London’s transport system.

The main bones of contention were city Mayor Ken Livingstone’s much-maligned congestion charge policies and the general inadequacy of the London underground.

“The traffic in London is worse than ever now,” the singer said after revealing to Q that she wouldn’t be voting for Livingston in the forthcoming mayoral elections. “All Red Ken wants is roadworks going on everywhere.”

"Don't use The Tube; can't use the roads? No. I'll just have to walk I guess."

On your hands? No, probably not, but Madonna returns that ridiculous second serve with an absurd volley all her own.

"I would make it so that young musicians, aspiring musicians wouldn't have to pay the congestion charge or pay taxes."

Unfortunately, traditional exposes on the absurd rely on the ability to have at least one handle on logic. After ten minutes fumbling around in the dark for a way to connect the words ‘mp3 speaker phones’, ‘spoken word’ and ‘knife crime’, DrownedinSound gives up and offers this.

Madonna’s claims have been dismissed by both a spokesperson for the mayor’s office and environmental group Friends of the Earth.

Got news? Email us at newsdesk@drownedinsound.com

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Well, obviously

Without the tireless work of aspirant musicians London's entire infrastructure would collapse.

simon_t | 28 Mar '08, 12:16 | X | Reply

Yeah, the epicentre of Britain.

justanothersheeldz @simon_t | 28 Mar '08, 12:36 | X | Reply

I wish she would fuck off

out of england so badly... is she allowed to vote in the mayoral elections? i guess so. phew. what a fucking tool. maybe she can get boris johnson to do a turn in one of her next 'films' about cool underground london life

jimthetrim | 28 Mar '08, 12:36 | X | Reply

and "red ken"???

sounds like she's been reading the standard too much. there's nothing cooler than Conservatism ay madge?

jimthetrim | 28 Mar '08, 12:37 | X | Reply

The standards of news reporting

on this site keep going downhill, it's like the 3am girls or something. But not nearly as informative.

15Denz20 @jimthetrim | 28 Mar '08, 13:06 | X | Reply

Daily Mail

Obviously. It's the paper of the rich householder, and prob the nastiest rag of all.
However... when I was in the US, metropolitan roadworks were 24hours/day, and WAY faster, rather than the 3-6months of pissing around that characterises London... so there we have it.. if the metropolitan posh folk REALLY cared about London they would allow 24 hour works outside their house an understand that it's necessary for the efficient functioning of the city!
Slebs are too scared of the paparazz... scared of being photographed off duty without their warpaint on... but hardly anyone has the bottle to brave it out...people will get rapidly bored of photos of a middle aged woman out shopping, you'll cease to be hello-worthy, and can get on with your job, or your retirement, or whatever. The point about the paparazz is if you really stand for something, or have a proper body of work (unlike 90% of the gossip columns, famous kids, reality TV winners etc) they can't harm you!