Jarvis: "I've always wanted to write a Eurovision song"

Jarvis Cocker - you know him, but not personally, like a friend, or anything - has told Radio Five Live - you know it, 'cause it covers the football, even when it's on BBC 1, and then you watch it but with the radio commentary, 'cause that's better than Motty - that he quite fancies writing a song for the Eurovision Song Contest.

Morrissey - you know him, but not personally, like a friend, 'cause he once held flowers on the telly, and didn't smile much - has already said he'd fancy a crack at penning a tune for Britain at the annual televised rubbish-athon.

We reported that here.

Says Jarv: "The door is always open if they want to ask me. I've always wanted to write one for them. Maybe I'll do it next year."

We've written far too much here.