A development of arthritis is a distinct possibility. Heart attacks in men of his age are not uncommon.
Seaman’s understudy may also be prone to similar complaints as he is but 3 years his junior.
Despite his youth, he is clumsy and his last injury involved a collision with his own defender resulting in a 3 month lay off. Expect more of the same.
A youngster with little injury history – unpredictable…anything could happen. He’ll collapse due to heat exhaustion, probably.
Missed a few games this season due to a knee injury. Knees are funny old things. It’ll explode, or something.
This season he’s mainly been busy injuring his ankle and being a fat fucker. Lightning pace may not be the main component of his World Cup.
Suffered a similar fate to Brown this season. That knee’s going to go I tell you.
A similar fate to Bridge may be suffered. It’s pretty muggy out there.
Just recovered from a broken leg, he is the most likely to collide with keeper James thus incurring a freshly broken leg. It is likely to be the same leg.
He’ll get sent off for kneecapping someone - probably the referee. He’ll get a lifetime ban. Probably a jail sentence, too.
Already ruled out with a broken metatarsal. Gutted.
He'll see someone miss a penalty and fall into a deep, long-term depression.
That £50m metatarsal will shatter during the first tackle ruling him out of football for an entire season. I see a pattern emerging concerning broken feet.
Struggling with a knee injury, currently. Recurrence is a strong possibility.
The switch from East London to East Asia proves too much for the youngster and he needs to go home because he misses his jellied eels.
Currently struggling with a knee ligament injury, he will attempt to use his pace and rupture it beyond all recognition.
Already ruled out with a groin strain and a back strain. Oh, have you got a headache as well, petal?
The Canadian Englishman playing in Germany will have an identity crisis and will think he is meant to be playing for France and won the World Cup last time.
Out with a chipped metatarsal. What is this? A fucking conspiracy?
Upon the event of losing a game, Scholes will suddenly realise that his entire season has been a disappointment and he will just give up and go home.
He’ll probably go AWOL when he discovers he really is in the squad this time.
He’ll have the mother of all nosebleeds and that fancy plaster won’t be able to help him then, will it!
Has been known to suffer hamstring injuries. So a slight strain might develop into something a bit more sinister, perhaps.
His hamstring will fall off. He won’t be able to find it.
Maybe they can do a 3 for the price of 2 on zimmer frames as he joins the keepers.
Heat exhaustion is the only probable cause for incapacitation.
The Swede will sabotage our first match against his homeland by playing David James and Nigel Martyn up front and Sol Campbell in goal. Then he’ll quit. And laugh at us.
So with the sweltering heat being a major factor on European blood, many of the younger players just might not be able to hack it. Or maybe they will be the ones to come out this tournament with nothing…no trophy, no injuries, no nothing.