Some people have a good grasp of directions. Others don't. Those who always know where they're going constantly take the piss out of those who don't. Could you please stop that, because it's just not fair. It's not that we get lost on purpose you know. And there's nothing worse than trying to find a gig venue, running late as it is, and then not being able to find the damn place. And that's nothing to do with being thick either. It's just that some people are gifted map readers and some are not.
Still, getting lost in big cities gets you into all sorts of bizarre situations. Situations that the directions-whizzkid really misses out on. Last night, I went to a gig at the ICA for the first time ever. Now I realise the place is kind of big and is hard to overlook. But if you're approaching The Mall from the wrong side, you can get yourself into a lot of trouble. A To Z in hand (despite the fact I'm rubbish at reading maps), I ventured down Trafalgar Square. Then I must have taken a wrong turn. Suddenly there was an awful lot of policemen and an awful lot of classic cars in various post-crash stages. Two cul-de-sacs later, I decided I better asked someone for help. I picked out one of the policemen, tapped him on the shoulder and asked what I had to ask. Then, a typical strike of Julia-luck, the man laughed straight into my face and proclaimed he wasn't actually a real policeman. At which point I noticed a large number of cameras, Channel Four vans and spotlights. I had managed to wander straight into a film set. Bloody typical. Five minutes later, I had half a camera crew poring over my A To Z, desperately trying to help. How sweet.
After that, finding the ICA was easy. Thank you, camera crew. What I'm trying to say is HELP THE LOST! THE LOST NEED YOU! And please don't send us down the wrong street 'for a laugh', because it's not nice.