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Can we have a ^this thread where we point and laugh at the people who think it's a thing? Cheers.
if it's a thing you put yourself in?
Like if you are all romantical with the partner of your choice, and they're all like "woah, no, I have only friendly feelings for you". Then you could say you are in the friend zone? And then you should remove yourself from it by stopping with the romance and just being a friend or by stopping hanging out with them if you're too emosh to handle that.
So is the friend zone something people go to when they keep on with the romance when they've been told no?
But I'm saying it very much exists. Everyone sees it. Most people have done it.
so the problem is that often people say "she put me in the friend zone", when actually what they mean is "I'm having trouble moving on and maybe am trying to shift the blame onto her a bit"?
I think that's what people want to say doesn't exist. if you say "sexy mcsexerson put me in the friendzone" when your doing it to yourself, then they haven't actually done anything and this "zone" isn't really a thing.
but people (on here) immediately are like SEXISM KLAXON and refuse to admit anything exists, even the fucking Eiffel Tower because they think it'd be sexist too.
Yes, mostly men put themselves in it. But REMEMBER KIDS, women are in the friendzone too. Some people do lead other people on.
If the term it makes people cry into their Che Guevara t-shirts then so be it, but it still exists.
all people are saying is that there's one quite common very harmful and false sense in which the term is used, and in refuting that use, you'd want to say that it "doesn't exist".
If you're using the now perhaps rarer more reasonable senses, then people will be more comfortable saying it exists.
There's no argument here really, and no need to rattle on about sexism klaxxons or che guevara tshirts or anything like that. Actually you should probably avoid it, in case it misleads people into thinking you were just looking to start a row here. I'm sure you weren't!
Only kidding, I agree and I don't want to argue.
fabricated by 'nice guys' who aren't all that nice given that they see being a friend with someone as a silver medal to having intercourse with/being in a relationship with someone.
but you just don't like it?
because I just made it up and said it does.
an idiot. It's kind of fun.
(I already called it out for trolling in the other thread)
so they're "an idiot".
It is YOU sir who is the idiot for flatly denying a basic type of human behaviour.
but if you think it's a thing, then yes, I'm afraid you are an idiot.
A loveable idiot though, More Trigger in Only Fools and Horses than Nick Griffin. x
and hoped it would go somewhere and their overly pal-y with them for this reason? Or the opposite way round.
You're saying that's never happened? Seriously? I can only think that you're in the friendzone because of your complete denial of something that's pretty obvious.
Just because they might have done that, and as is said downthread, a lot of relationships will come out from being friends first, which can be a very good thing, doesn't mean the friendzone exists.
Also, if you befriend someone with an ulterior motive, you're a pretty shitty human being doing something you should have grown out of by about 16.
No-one has ever been the attentive do-anything-for-them person because they're a little bit in love with the other person?
No other person has taken advantage of that?
Are you telling me that, in font of all these people, that you're gonna say that this has never happened? Are you? Go on, say it. Pretend an entire facet of humanity doesn't exist.
I might start denying people blink. DOESN'T EXIST.
"Also, if you befriend someone with an ulterior motive, you're a pretty shitty human being doing something you should have grown out of by about 16."
although I think you know that.
Being attracted to people, wanting to be around attractive people and all the other things you are saying exist - I'm talking solely about the existence of a 'friendzone'. You're confusing human nature and things that happen, with something that has been created to soften the blow or give people something to moan about and shift the blame back on to the other person. Still isn't a thing.
I ask you this:
Do you think there are not people in this world who befriend a member of the opposite sex and are like an attentive puppy dog around them purely because the like them and the other person understands this fact but takes advantage of it as they get someone to do stuff for them and listen to them and pay them attention?
If yes (obviously it's yes) then it does exist.
So why the argument?
I've seen it happen several times to friends of mine. Terrible examples of it too. Not saying it's not their fault but exists. Exisits x 1000000000.
1. I think it's a lot rarer than people suggest
2. I think in most cases there isn't as much leading on as is often suggested - I do nice things for friends and try to be generous with my time and things because they are friends, not for rewards.
3. I still think the blame shifting and implications of allowing the 'friendzone' to exist, when actually it doesn't and is damaging to say it does, is why the argument is worth having.
Sorry we aren't going to agree on these things, and I am sorry for calling you an idiot as I did 100% assume you were trolling, hence my tone (Although I'm going to regret this if you turn around and say you were and I have been got)
Also, I am sorry for collaterally offending mits here, which wasn't at all my intention either x
in other news, Richard O'Brien is 71
i've not looked at the aqos thing in ages
Even if teen Mumsy was a bit careless, she'd still be pushing 90 now
generally a state of mind that the person (generally male) puts themselves in. it's a bit arrogant and self-obsessed, y'know, thinking "oh she [generally she] knows i want to sleep with her and keeps me hanging on just for the attention", as if it's all about them and everything relates to them.
(and that's not even going near the dubious attitude towards women they're displaying with that line of thought)
is that there's a sub-culture, and this might be a bit reddit fedora brigade, who don't see that it's their own state of mind, and use it as an excuse to hate women. worry is with arguing vehemently that it is "a thing", you might be seen by that subgroup as validating their point of view whether you intend to or not
so it exists and doesn't exist simultaneously like some shit with a cat.
Where you don't know if your cat likes you 'in that way' or not.
you can bet they have never actually shown their feelings towards the woman in question and have returned their friendly feelings back with friendly feelings, so it is their own fault. I have many female friends who are probably technically in the friend zone, I just don't see them as attractive in that way so assume it is the same back.
ie Ross and Rachel syndrome. Initiating friendliness with someone because you lurrrrrve them but biding your time for too long so they think you just want to be mates.
By which time it is TOO LATE...or is it?
*opening strains of With or Without You - U2*
that you'd like something to happen with but instead, for myriad reasons, you just dance around them like their attentive best fwend forever and ever.
Then you do stuff like this:
Wouldn't you want your partner/girlfriend/boyfriend/wife whatever to be your best friend too?
easy to develop feelings for someone who is fucking cool and nice etc
I think it doesn't exist in the uncomfortable sense a lot of people want to use it, ie a horrible place where a person of unreciprocating sexytimes interest can place you helplessly against your will.
it wilfully ignores the problematic nature of people who are complaining about the 'friendzone' and what the suggestion of the meaning is.
totally clueless about everything.
means you aren't in a relationship with that person.
I know that. I'm not fucking stupid, cheers.
The friendzone is for misogynists.
There is no stopping in the red zone.
"Misogynists!" Ding ding ding!
but this: 'Wouldn't you want your partner/girlfriend/boyfriend/wife whatever to be your best friend too?'
fairly suggests that if you're lumping that in with the 'friendzone' implies that you didn't know that.
basically being in the 'friendzone', means you aren't in a relationship with that person.
completely write something off like the term 'friend zone' if they've never experienced it. Friendships/relationships come in all different forms. I have been there with someone who was one of my best friends, and I developed feelings for him but sure as hell wasn't going to tell him because:
A) I thought he was too good for me
B) Didn't want to ruin the friendship we had and respected him.
But then maybe i'm just a misogynist with low self-esteem.
To describe the above as 'the friendzone' you would need to:
- claim he knows how you feel really but is actually far too interested in girls who treat him like shit
- deliberately uses you as the person to whom he moans about all these terrible girls he goes out with
- believe that he really SHOULD be with you and that you're the sort of girl he really wants deep down
- get incredibly bitter about how he has PUT YOU in the friendzone and basically keeps you around as a friend to boost his ego as he staggers through one terrible relationship choice after another.
Have you ever thought, you know, that friendships grow in to more and there was no ulterior motive from the beginning?
I think that smacks more of someone reading 'The Game' and then it not working out.
To my mind The Friendzone is definitely not somewhere you land in after a planned situation. But the issue is that it's become a weird sort of comfort blanket for guys, so rather than be logical and normal about things, like you are talking about your friend who you like, they become bitter and twisted and see things in terms of other people putting them in this situation.
I know that this is going to be a smaller amount of cases, but if someone is being a friend to someone, solely to try and get more out of it (sex/a relationship) not making their position clear earlier on, and then complaining about being 'friendzoned' later on is what I'm kind of getting at. Especially in the cases of those complaining about 'friendzoning' this seems to be the more common theme.
"...but if someone is being a friend to someone, solely to try and get more out of it (sex/a relationship) not making their position clear earlier on" - Not all of us are that confident to do so.
and it is difficult in those situations, when I was younger I was friends with girls that I was unable to tell them how I feel. I wasn't 'friendzoned' though. I was too shy and scared of risking a friendship that I did nothing about it. It's shit and it happens, but it was my fault and I would never blame the other person by using the word 'friendzone'. I am truly sorry if I upset or offended you, because that couldn't be further from my want.
I'm really not having a go at you here, I'm saying there is far more problematic things that come from acknowledging or accepting the 'friendzone' exists. It's the term and its connotations that are the issue, not being friends with someone, not being attracted to a friend or thinking a friend is attractive etc.
A lot of the best relationships can grow from a friendship, be it from mutual love, respect, attraction and more.
if so truly superlative trolling
about how the term 'friendzone' originated in popular 90s tv sitcom FRIENDS, and how it originally just meant something that two people kinda accidentally do to themselves by waiting too long to make a move/announce interest so that they get to the point of comfortable friendship where it becomes weird and awkward to try to move it any further. and it was only when internet manchildren got hold of the phrase that it became a term for something that cruel attention-seeking bitches purposefully DO TO poor lovelorn men. don't know where i'm going with this, kinda wanna say something like RECLAIM THE FRIENDZONE but actually nah i don't
I mean we all recognise it exists in some way; we've all ended up in friendships with women whom we would have preferred to go out with. I'd like to think that most men aren't so pathetic as to blame the woman for that.
it used to be 'entering the friendzone' and now people I've made up from the internet refer to being 'put in the friendzone', which changes the perspective somewhat.
the point at which you realise you've cockblocked yourself to the point of fancying someone else anyway
friendzone, the noun: potentially a thing
friendzoning, the verb: definitely not a thing
used to call the living room "the friendzone" on a Sunday evening, when she'd get out her complete boxset of the eponymous sitcom.
Boy was I glad to get out of that flat.
i want to live with her.
and then uses that as a reason to get angry at women, probably isn't a very nice guy. still exists though but solely in the mind of the person in the friendzone
Try not to confuse some angry, misogynistic internet nerds with the general male population.
on the old internet misogyny bingo card though I guess
Drives me nuts.
Like the steering wheel in my pants.
or don't...actually just don't.
close 'er up, chums.
are there people that deliberately lead others on? yes
are +90% of people that complain about this on the internet just wanks? yes
because it doesn't involve treating them like a friend. it's a dickish thing to do playing on someone else's feelings and erections but it's a different thing to being 'friendzoned'
but people are obviously using the word to indicate a number of different concepts or actions, so depending on what you want it to mean it either will or won't "exist".
I mean that's a staggeringly banal thing to say but it's the only reason there's much scope for argument ITT.
oh right. I guess I don't know what it is then.
Thanks in advance
It's a play on words on the American Football field area known as the "endzone", right?
either romantic attraction exists or it doesn't. The idea of being friends with someone purely for the purpose of trying to date them in the future essentially seems like a misunderstanding of what mutual attraction actually feels like.
wherein it's just practically easier to make another person view you in a certain way, and it's an obvious truth that people generally have a reticence to reassess their first impressions.
But I think you guys are talking about something you saw on Reddit once, so idk.
nobody knows what it is
that I don't really know what reddit is. I went on it once but it looked more broken than DiS.
like comments are more prominent / only visible at all due to popularity? and are ordered by popularity?
no wonder all their poor minds are broken.
let me tell you *that* certainly existed on sunday morning.
- moker picks common sense of a term in which a concept doesn't really exist
- people say it doesn't exist
- more says "aha, but in THESE much less common senses it does exist. Also you are all terrified of sexism"
- somehow thread continues for a million posts
we all discover no one agrees on the definition of Friendzone.
If only Ant had also defined it. :D
"massive bonkers row over the usage of a term which is only very vaguely defined, which is essentially unresolvable due to aforementioned vagueness" it always a top type of thread, to give Mokes his due.
when each person can adjust the definition to fit their own perspective.
but i think what mits is talking about isn't friendzone
who are easy to rubbish people's feelings, that's all.
but the kind of friendzone we're talking about tends to be more sinister than that
Like I am in elthamsmateowen's friendzone? Of course some bellends will use it in the pejorative sense but if you're talking about being in someone's friendzone pejoratively then I am sorry then you aren't that person's friend.
In conclusion, the friendzone as the mokers of the world would have it isn't a thing because as soon as it is invoked it ceases to exist and become merely a "zone" or "bellend zone" if you're the type of bellend to put labels on absolutely everything.
how i met your mother
That stage when you have to stalk someone by hiding behind plants.
aka a bank
(my yoga class)
when you traipse around shit and soul-destroying bars and clubs with someone in London's East End in a never-ending futile attempt to woo them
AND he had a little neckbeard action going on
feels relevant to this thread
call out all the people calling out people with fedoras.
feels like this fedora-as-shorthand thing is a really strained USian imported reference that really doesn't apply in Britain.
What a DiSappointing betrayal.
Once your in you cant get out!
wouldn't exist without the FriendZone (tm)
i cannot BELIEVE that a thread like this could get to over 100 replies thanks to a bunch of oversensitive WARRIORS who can't stop arguing about TERMINOLOGY. embarrassing.
It was important that you did and we're all a lot better off for it. Cheers to you and yours.
do we have a current meme for when someone misses the joke or did foppyish dustbin all of them?
I'm just replying erratically now. It's probably because those kind of posts are now popping up on the boards and dead serious about once every 10 minutes.
Now that IS embarrassing
people would be more READY to LISTEN to your complaint if you would JUST STOP using that STRIDENT tone. You catch more FLIES with HONEY than VINEGAR don't you KNOW.
well then it is PROBABLY YOU.
No tbf it's probably me, I just put my phone in the fridge by accident and I'm tired.
THAT'S A BINGO!
please stop internet bullying me
what's your answer this time?
by appearing again, but anyway:
I thought we were both being funny. Stop internet bullying me
as a pejorative there.
is an absolute mayor. Hey? hey?
Is that a word? mare/mayor confusion?
probably just Food, Chintzy, Warny and maybe Balonz. And Bamos if he was still here.
You're put in the friendzone by someone who doesn't want a romantic relationship with you. You don't put yourself in the friendzone. There doesn't even have to be any intent. It's just one side of that dividing line most people have between potential partners and friends.
waste of time
I forget it's actually up to you when a thread finishes.
I read most of it and you didn't seem to come to any conclusions.
"CHRIST, IT MEANS THIS ONE THING, WHY DOES EVERYONE FEEL DIFFERENTLY ABOUT THIS"
It's incredibly simple
explains it perfectly upthread.
Where does the one who's the friend have to not be for it to qualify?
depends if you're in active play or not
It just means 'friends you don't want to bang'
Am I right?!
I like the bits where joey sees a sexy lady then looks at the camera and says 'HUBBA HUBBA!"
or when it turns out that phoebe is joni mitchell
when joey falls through the bar and chandler makes a face
END OF FUCKING THREAD.
did you just make that?
Seriously though, no matter what the thread, what the topic, every single medium to long thread turns into a granular discussion about sexism. Every single one.
Can we have a day when we don't call someone or something sexist? No is the answer.
DiS is basically borked forever now. It's becoming increasingly apparent.
Coaltalk feels like it's due a renaissance.
calling things sexist. I agree. I think they're 100% responsible. 100%.
don't see why you'd carry this sort of grudge. bit nasty.
also "sexist" or "sexism" has been said 7 times in this thread. 5 of those are you. The other two are me responding to two post in which you'd already used them.
This is a thread about 'the friendzone'. It's kind of inevitable a thread about a phrase used primarily by misogynists is going to turn into a discussion about sexism. There are lots and lots of threads where sexism isn't mentioned. The ones about sexism tend to mention it more.
If you're talking about something you tend to use the word for it a lot.
Like if I was talking about Jamaicans. I'd probably say the word 'Jamaicans' a lot.
Well spotted, though. You've clearly got a keen eye for detail.
will be able sexism though.
Yeah, I did wonder about using wishpig's name, but went with it. Nothing personal. Or maybe I'm a sexist and just wanted to lampoon a chick for being female. With their slight differences to us. Haha! The idiots.
I fully believe in your ability to stop upsetting yourself by stopping making threads and comments about sexism.
saying people need to stop seeing sexism everywhere. Every bloomin' thread.
DiS is "bullish, self-serving sanctimonious people who insert themselves into (often imagined) moral quandaries, not because of any empathy with the unfortunate, but because they get off on presenting themselves as white knights, while embracing the opportunity to bully people with different opinions to theirs". - MotherShabubu 22 Oct 13
all the offensive, uneducated shit I spout. It's completely unfair!"
If you can do that, we can talk about it and I promise to God if you're right, I'll admit it.
You've crudely tattooed this comment with a biro and a hot pin somewhere on your body.
a new Panko Breadcrumb thread will be posted this afternoon.
do you shower in the mornings or evenings thread
the power of one poster taking on all comers whilst refusing to actually engage with anything anyone else says, but rather just repeating the same points whilst getting huftier and huftier. Classic formula.
blame romantic comedies like Friends
Makes men think that if they develop feelings for friends, that the lady will eventually come round. When in fact, they will go for some guy who will treat them like crap and/or sleep with their friends.
Anyway, moral of the story, tell the girl asap, don't bother trying to be friends with them. They will always know how you feel and will tell you to fuck off the second you make a mistake or step out of line for a second.
It didn't even occur to me that this was like setting off a bat signal of a giant crying face for you.
girls are psychic. fear them
to educate us all and save us from our ignorant minds.
"Makes men think that if they develop feelings for friends, that the lady will eventually come round. When in fact, they will go for some guy who will treat them like crap and/or sleep with their friends."
I was poking a stick at Fidel.
you should try it, it's fun.
you should try paying attention, mate =D
you've been doing the same thing with me for weeks now.
It's ok, it's just DiS bantz. If I upset you, I apologise.
and watch him get very, very angry.
successfully winding up fidel?
Xylo to my shame occassionally irks me
You sort of just make me worry about your current mental state?
Brusma trolls me on twitter.
something something lets begin
it's that most things can be blamed on romantic comedies like Friends
really needs to end.
just learnt ( which i am currently doing) that you should just start of dating a girl if you like them. If not, break it off. You fancy a girl, don't bother trying to be their friend.
you should tell her straight away if not
or whatever weird thing it was he did, can't really remember.
did you mean to post that on the music board?
there is no chance i'm reading all of it. is it about trying to live in the same area as your friends in london to reduce tube costs? can someone summarise it for me please?
it's a moker thread.
It's not even my thread. Secondly, as always, I'm never just said something without backing it up and explaining it, I've not openly insulted anyone (but fidel :D) and I've remained level headed.
But apparently that means this thread is me jabbering on like a madman about how women are evil or something. None of which is remotely true.
But as usual, misunderstood. Like Colin Stagg or David Schneider. But less sexual.
"oh well, still exists" which was what you replied to me near the top, didn't involve backing up your point or, more importantly, explaining your response to the points i raised. in fact the tone was a bit yeah whatever, which isn't helpful to these discussions at all
but it does exist. That's all.
tbh, I don't really care about this topic, just having a debate. If anyone is offended then sorry - there's too much hate in the world as it is. Let's not infight like Combat 18 or the Socialist Workers Party / Socialist Party.
and got very worried for a moment there...
it may as well be.
An actual safety wink.
A really nice one.
Ctrl+F (moker - 54 results, fidel - 45 results) indicates that it is. If someone has done someone else like a kipper or made a decent Simpsons reference please link to that below this post, ta.
but it seems like people on both sides - either through their questionable, sexist, behaviour, or in the course of their arguments - are trashing the legacy of the sitcom, 'Friends'.
I call upon both sides to stop this trashing of our cultural heritage right now.
the concept of a friendzone
The former, I mean.
Moker and myself have met but we're not friends/best friends or people that see each other on a regular basis.
you can't help but take take personally.
Just another bullet in the chamber eh?
mits just not putting you in the friendzone (yet).