what would you like to see Jack Bauer do on his trip to London?
I'd like to see marckee call Jack Bauer a one day travelcard wanker
Also, have an entire 1hr episode of him just sat on the District line.
but first he must.... GET THERE
the front of the train says 'Tower Hill.... TOWARDS DEATH'
'why the fuck is everyone in a rush?!?!?! The is a fresh tube train every minute'
'why the fuck are people reading books and barging innocent bystanders into the traffic when the are so many blind rushing bellends everywhere'
'this part of London is nice, shame I missed the final tube train and now have to spend 4 hours on a nightbus... what do you mean its only 11pm? Let's got to an off licence, they've all shut? WHAT THE FUCK, what do you mean they're only open in the crappy parts of London'
'Man fuck London I'm going back to USA'
24 hours queuing for a pulled pork roll
cuts to a smiling north korean  man enjoying some noodles he got for £3 from a market vendor
 never seen 24, assuming it is full of the same racist cliches as all the rest of these things
hoping to end up near Camden but ends up near Old Street. Maybe the second half of that episode will be better when he beats up a Hoxonite.
Either that or Kew Gardens for a few hours.
and the bus driver insists on a £2.40p cash fare.
What do youse think they will have called the British version of CTU? Mi7?
Jack Baeur's Brit holiday ruined as ATP cancelled, spends ~5 episodes posting increasingly incomprehensible rambles based on Shellac puns about the cost of his flights to the UK on facebook
He goes to The Goose for a pint but that pub isn't to his liking. He's heard that The Luminaire was a good venue but closed several years ago. He instead pays £6 to watch a rubbish band at The Barfly. When he goes for a piss the toilet attendant is expecting at least 50p. Remember he spent a lot on a bus cash fare. I predict an angry Jack Bauer and carnage.
Old Blue Last, doors 7.30pm, £6 / £7.50 otd
seems to UTTERLY MISS THE POINT
the 24 thing was always bogus though to be fair
with everyone checking their watches and explaining at what time they were going to do something.
Later on they just forgot about it and just had car journeys that lasted no longer than 5 minutes.
but being pushed out of the way for walking slowly and being a 'fucking tourist'.
because he actually followed the signs in Kings Cross underground station.
Bauer and Mike Dashwood doing door to door with the help of Polly Page might be an extra episode in the collectors DVD.
with Ben Ben, The Minellium Dome & Warwick Castle in the background, next to each other.
JFC. Expect actors you never thought to see on TV again being roped in as they're still inexplicably popular in the US.
Actually, I look forward to Hugh Laurie and Dominic West guest starring.
Save themselves a bit of dosh
shouldnt have used both meanings of 'shot' in one sentence really
jack has to go into a "gritty" neighbourhood, but it's actually just the car park on curtain road
Jack Bauer vs The Bushwackers
when theyre about 15 miles apart.
runs past big ben, round a corner and oh look, theres the gerkin, round another corner, oh theres kensington palace
and take out Brewdog Shoreditch
It's Bauer. I need a route to the BANK OF ENGLAND
Yeah, sorry Jack, it's a Saturday mate. It's all engineering works.
Well, they do put the posters up. You really should've checked the tfl website
[Coming into shot, a hellishly packed bus rolls in. Close up on BUS REPLACEMENT SERVICE. ding....ding.....ding.....sing]
Half-gets up, sits down again
Tries to make eye contact with one of the drivers as they chat
Says, 'for fuck's sake' under his breath
Considers getting on another bus, but then he'd have to beep in again
Does mental Oyster card arithmetic
Stays where he is
Sends an angry tweet to #tfl
NEXT WEEK ON 24
Queuing behind tourists trying to top up their Oyster cards
'For fuck's sake'
Ethel on the blower: "You sure you're at that London Bridge Jack?"
BAUER: "OF COURSE I AM, I'M RIGHT IN THE CENTRE BETWEEN THE TOWERS"
Ethel: "That's Tower Bridge, Jack"
American wonders who they are.
get on the northern line at camden town cos he's trying to get to leicester square but he will get on the bank branch by mistake and hilarity will ensue *canned laughter*
"Repeat Jack, we cannot pinpoint your location"
"It says LIY CESTER SQUARE dammit! Okay, have followed the suspect to... Warr Dower Street, can you ascertain a visual?"
"Next to burr wick street? Copy Jack, We have a visual"
"We should just let them detonate the nuke, maybe they'll rebuild this goddamn city with some logic dammit..."
refer to it as 'fundon' in every episode.
before he shoots the chip shop assistant in the face four times.
Ethel: It's pronounced less-ter, bud.
Ethel: "Jack, did you change the time on your watch after you landed?"
Ethel: "We don't have a president here Jack, you mean the pri-"
Bauer: "GOD DAMN IT ETHEL, IF YOU DON'T GET ME THE PRESIDENT RIGHT NOW, THIS BOMB WILL GO OFF AND EVERYONE IN THE TATE WILL BE DEAD".
Ethel: "Which stop did you say you got off at again Jack?"
Bauer: "Pimlico, why?"
Ethel: "You're at the Tate Britain Jack, you're going to need to catch the boat ov-"
(explosion in background)
Bauer: "GOD DAMN IT ETHEL!"
only to be obstructed by large numbers of middle-class children on microscooters.
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