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Had one of those fucking moronic waste of £20 proof of age cards and the manager was having none of it

so i got grabbed by the bouncer too :/

we went around various establishments with my friend's friend's 15 year old brother seeing where we could get in, we got rejected from everywhere that had a bouncer at the door as a result. He kept apologising for getting us turned away from everywhere but really we all quite enjoyed the challenge. Ended up just going to the Underbelly where he got served no problem.

And just dragging me out. I asked what was happening, and he told me I'd just punched some girl in the face. I assured him it was a case of mistaken identity but he was having none of it.

Should have shouted UNHAND ME, I AM AN INTELLECTUAL

I wish I was joking.

and taken into a room next to the bar...

They thought I was taking/in posession of drugs. I wasn't, I was just absolutely out of my skull on Southern Comfort. Cue hilarious moment when they'd checked my front pockets, to no avail... asked me to turn round to check my back pockets. I - ah - misunderstood... Turned round, bent over and placed my hands on the wall in preparation for a sodding cavity search.

and told i wasn't a regular

There's a bar in Manchester called The Phoenix, opposite the RNCM on Oxford Road. A two-level, cheapo (or at least was) bar for students, etc, only recently shut down.

Used to get served in there from about 15, but for some reason the manager used to be dead weird with me. Popped in there with a mate the day after my 18th, just mainly to thank him for serving me whilst underage for so long, now that i could drink anywhere i wanted.

He was smaller than me and didn't look at all hard, but he literally picked me up by my collar, took me outside, turned me upside down and dropped me on my head, then just as i'd found my bearings he came out again with the portion of cheesy chips i'd ordered and threw them at me, right in my mush.

Obviously, face was completely lost, so i just walked off pointing a bit and saying i'd be back to fill him in later. My mate didn't even follow me out, let alone come to my aid. Saw him through the window laughing his head off.

the staff told me i had "taken something" and wouldn't go any further than that on their reasoning for ages. I assumed they meant drugs, which was bullshit. Turns out they saw on cctv me reaching behind the bar to grab a drink...if they had looked a little earlier they would have seen that i had dropped my bottle of becks behind the bar, and rather than wait for ages at the busy bar for the one barstaff member to get it for me, i just grabbed it myself from the little sink behind the bar it had landed in (upright with no spillage amazingly).

It took them about 45 mins to check CCTV again after my continuous protests but they let me back in and it was free drinks all night for me and my girlfriend at the time.

I got kicked out loads for smoking around the time of the smoking ban as well, proper dragged out. No excuses there.

because i know how to function as a polite and respectful human being and can handle my drink

other than that, no

Which is a feat, let me assure you. I was 18 and had drank far too much. In wisdom beyond my years, I decided to go outside for a tactical chunder. Nipped round the corner, filled the gutter and felt much better. I'd had the foresight to nod at the bouncer as I left, indicating I was just nipping out for a smoke.

So, feeling refreshed I nip back round to the door where there is a long line of people waiting to get in (the night is still young, and I was/am a light weight). I nod at the bouncer, who nods back, and I go to walk inside. Unfortunately, his mate has let a couple in from the line at the same time, so the bouncer puts his hand out to me to let this couple in before me. In my much intoxicated state I walked right into his out-stretched hand and fell flat on my arse.

I looked up at him from the pavement, nodded again at him and said "I'm not getting in, am I?" Alas, he concurred.

So I sit there on the pavement, wondering what to do when all my mates are inside, as is my jacket, phone, wallet and the mates I'm staying with. I have another less tactical chunder. Then I look up, and leaning heavily against the next lamp-post is my mate and his GF. He's just been found asleep under a table, and thrown out too. Happy Days!

before going out with my mates. Wasn't allowed in to the FIRST club we got to. It was Hive in Edinburgh as well, which I'm pretty sure let's in kids standing on each others shoulders wearing long coats. To be fair I was literally on my knees in the rain, pawing at the bouncer, passport in hand. When he said I wasn't getting in I had a sobering moment and said "yeeeeah, fair point mate." and ran all the way home.

There were only a few of us in a pub getting pretty drunk and there was flags hanging from the ceiling. Get progressively drunker and the girl I like asked me to take one of the flags from the ceiling. I jerked it and it brought down the ceiling pannel with it. It was those crappy stirofoam roofs that are light, what made it worse was it was beside a light and as a result was hanging down. Seeing as there was noone there they came over and asked who it was. I owned up and got dragged out. About to get the shit kicked out of me only for a neighbour to start his shift and say to his friend that I was alright.

Went around the back and bumped into the guitarist from the Mae Shi who was smoking outside. Told him what had happened and he let me in the artist's entrance so I snuck back in.

The same dude invited me to the 'after party' in the basement, but the bouncer that threw me out earlier spotted me on my way down and, looking rather confused, threw me out again. Prick.

We spent the day being and getting more pissed and ended up at about 9.30 talking to two Russian girls who were going to The Faversham. We got there at about 10-10.30 and were told by the bouncers that we could come in but under no circumstances were we allowed any more drinks.

We spent about 45 minutes hassling bar staff, other drinkers and those Russian girls (who by then had decided they couldn't speak English or remember talking to us) to buy drinks for us, before we were escorted from the premises.

We were back in our hotel with tasty takeaway kebabs before MOTD finished.

for trying to score some drugs off a bouncer.

Last time I ever drunk southern comfort.

so he ripped it off the wall, intending to apply. The bouncer collared us both but he explained and let us go. He applied and got the job.

Shit story but it's the best i could do under the circumstances. I'm sorry, I really am

was told it was full, but they were basically selecting attrative/cool looking people from the line and letting them in.

Bouncer woke me up and said

I think you should go home

and I said

Yeah you're probably right.