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dead excited about going to Itchy and Scratchy land!
The correct quote is "'dead' serious about going to Itchy & Scratchy Land"
How do we know??
...gage free and able to enjoy a debt-free retirement.
.......to hide their shit news tomorrow ???
constantly in touch with the party hierarchy, pillow in hand, ready to smother her at the most advantageous moment.
...'cos the schools can't force you like they should!
'The, Margaret, The'
oh no wait teri hatcher's over there, go about your business.
A FINE JOB, IF YE ASK ME," SAYS ALMOST-INCOMPREHENSIBLE DUNDEE MAN, P.5
YEAHHH!!!! PARTY TIME!!
get a haircut
the stock method of the eternal contrarian.
GET A HAIRCUT.
tired of all these jokes
Cottage owners to endure leaky roofs until replacement is found.
dessert as she's watching her calorie intake.
set on living well into her 1000th year.
the british economy through neoliberal economic policy.
& Kicking viewer, as it finished airing in 2001.
now being treated in hospital for broken toe.
...and tired of all these speculations about my health.
"Loves" the gay one says source.
Miss Lowe, Miss Donovan and Miss Duke are said to be getting rather annoyed by it.
Goldie Lookin' Chain rapper said to be grateful to Baroness for picking up the bill at the restaurant.
Uncharacteristic localised heatwave strikes small Norwegian village during ex Prime Minister's visit.
fitness test and signs for Burton Albion.
Ex PM to spin her copy of Arcade Fire's debut album in full, as part of her surprise weeklong Breakfast Show takeover.
out one more extraordinary rendition of The Shoop Shoop Song.
of insanely cute kitten:
ironing pile mounts
DiS at its peak.
before devolving the British farming industry.
John Kruger says "she was somewhat cold but I was happy to give her a one-way ticket to a better life."
it's the postman. he's got a parcel from you. from margaret thatcher.
Portrayal of the Danish Prince said to be "stunning" by Michael Billington, see Theatre, P33 inside.
Lady Thatchers driving license has expired. There are no plans to renew it.
Wins Conservative Party's annual animal impression competition.
From the production team that brought you "The Execution of Gary Glitter."
House fad, as music fans realise it’s just Goth, but using the Greek alphabet.
flaw in former PMs plans to retrain as an astronaut.
in fatal fall from listed cottage; family say he died doing the job he loved.
Ex-PM relocates to the countryside and in an exclusive Hello! interview proudly shows her room devoted to one of the world's largest Bob Dylan bootleg collections.
Former PM banned from aquarium.
appearance in doubt after new season of hit US drama cancelled.
May onto your PC, with your iTunes compatible Best of Rod Stewart, free with Saturday's Telegraph.
in her porch so she can immediately slip them on once she gets home.
Tony Stark mourns his wife.
household contents insurance policy needs renewal.
snuff industry said to be 'delighted' with surprise endorsement from the ex-PM.
Betrayal of previous public statements.
"I'm sorry, don't you mean Tom Bosley?"
"Ah yes. My mistake"
distraught Maggie finally concedes that Casper wasn't real.
...alyser test. Ex PM to give up drinking and driving.
ar Noé impression, Iron Lady insists it's "just not funny anymore".
after falling from roof of cottage he was roofing.
"We hope Rooney leaves for peanuts and they get relegated."
's Alan Vega in remastering the band's vast back catalogue.
I know I am
(Sorry...I know this isn't in keeping with the theme of the thread, but I've already played along a few times up there^^^)
in a controversial points decision after 12 gruelling rounds in Vegas. Reigning IBF Welterweight Champion Dave Cancer is said to be "over the moon" with another successful title defence.
"She should never have been selected to replace Lampard in England's midfield in the first place," rails Redknapp after loose ball distribution sees England slump to defeat against Wales in the Millenium Stadium.
and then this completely made me lose my shit. wonderful.
Former PM continues to smoke cigarettes without care or attention.
Blackjack prowess means former Premier walks away £300 up.
Close friends say holiday in Mauritius much needed break.
w/ guests WHITELAW & HOWE
FRI OCT. 22ND
8PM - Adv/£4 OTD/£5
Hopes to get ex-Monkee's autograph at the swimming pool
T KEEPS THATCHER LIVING FOR ANOTHER 83 YEARS
still best Arcade Fire album asserts Iron Lady.
of hospital in glowing health.
she's already dead
The former Prime Minister's obsession with a popular Brazilian soccer team has forced her to cancel several recent public engagements.
Matt Groening to write out Simpsons' baby.
Despite 'Ode To LRC' topping the 'Best Band Of Horses Song' poll.
...l driveway. Security measures to be stepped up at home of healthy former PM.
Jim Away recalls the time he was surprised to see the Iron lady whilst out walking down a dark alley. “At first she looked like she was gonna deck me, but then she walked by without incident.”
as Coalition scraps Conservatives' plans to erect a large metal statue in the shape of a woman in Parliament Square.
-breaking new documentary about the Falkland Islands.
than 5ft6 after osteoarthritis onset and the resultant increased stooping.
after a national referendum rules that the former PM should be afforded no further respect for the rest of her life.
A spokesman for the ex-PM said, "She wasn't pleased but they told her she'd been in the bath for longer than is strictly medically advisable."
Medical community agrees that Iron Lady's Guitar Hero habit has got out of control.
just for my mental image of Maggie with her eyes shut nailing the solo to Freebird from memory.
A spokesman for the estate of Ted Hughes confirms: "We have not commissoned any authors to write a sequel to the much-loved childrens classic. Though its theme, of the natural world in turmoil, is still relevant to a new generation of readers, we feel it best to let the original work speak for itself, rather than alter its reputation with a new adaptations or follow-ups."
- the former PM's collection of antique Wurlitzers has sadly fallen in to disrepair (full story in ORGAN MONTHLY, October issue)
Michael Knight said it was news to him.
new singing coach employed to help her regain her cabaret glory days.
Actor Rip Torn defies convention and takes the ex-PM's name after their shock Vegas wedding.
the best one
To get Colin back.
The Apprentice last night.
Reverend and the remaining Makers not present at historic meeting.
Former PM manages to listen to roughly 1/4 of seminal Cage work.
Margaret picks her favourite rap metal band
sexy, say's one hastily interviewed Liverpudlian after the iron lady visits UK culture capital.
surprise winner of Best New Product at 2010 Worm Farm Awards, beating off competition from the hot favourite Kinnock's Lovely Wormy Grub.
af Emlyn. Ex PM said to have "no idea" who the Welsh language musician, scriptwriter and director was.
in Hoffman. Hollywood legend wonders whether former PM is "trying to seduce (him)".
comparisons into touch. The ex-PM denied that Tory voters resemble the well-known sitcom charachter.
Norwegian ambassador confirms after suspicions aroused when she attended tea with Cameron in corpse paint.
Margaret's husband Denis still dead in his cold, cold grave.
The former England U21 left back.
co-workers pay respects to lost colleague. One remarked 'He really knew how to make cider, a total loss to the profession'.
is probably not how thatcher's death will be reported, as editors have rejected it for being too wordy.
Footballer Ben Thatcher, famed for his 2006 elbow challenge on Pedro Mendes, looks to be calling it quits as the current free agent struggles to find another club.
in controversial Due South fan fiction released this week.
insurance. Local councils say landfill is contemplated as suitable site.
Concerns raised on Drowned in Sound as users resort to desperate late night bumping to ensure that Thatcher does not fall off the first page.
of her dated wardrobe with a visit from Trinny and Susannah.
This newly-discovered photo shows Maggie in a private meeting with Milton Friedman, c.1974.
Perhaps it's cruel to say such things about an old woman who's almost as human as the rest of us, but if there's no such thing as society then I suppose it doesn't matter what society thinks. So bollocks to her.
first page of Drowned in Sound Social message board. Former PM said to be disappointed that her humorous "death" thread had slipped as low as page 4.
= -105, claimed the ex-PM, a clear sign that dementia has affected her maths skills.
(I just noticed the Rip Torn one up there... excellent stuff too).
mental that 'Stylist' printed unairbrushed photos.
as, while still alive, Maggie is too damn senile to remember anything herself.
Former Premier's motorcycle road trip in northwest India sees her cruise past unusually named small town in Rajasthan.
set on completing her Panini sticker album. Sources close to the former PM claim she is 'unfussed' by the fact that the World Cup finished several months ago.
Severity of coalition spending cuts too much even for the Iron Lady, who has consequently emigrated to Canada.
where she saw her first football match as a young girl - Sincil Bank, home of Lincoln City.
down waterslide. Aides explain that the former PM doesn't like going down head first on her front as it is a "tit-scraping nightmare".
is an anagram of DIS THREAD CHEAT
The former Prime Minister (pictured) arrived early this morning at Bungay in Suffolk, to take part in a rare tour of one of England's premier independent breweries. After the tour, Thatcher professed a particular fondness for St. Peter's Golden Ale and Organic Best Bitter, proclaiming the former to be "light and hoppy".
Iron Lady said to be champing at the bit to make her debut for the American League Western Division champions.
thread causes me to check the bbc news website every time I see it at the top of the social board. Just to make sure.
pleased to be out of hospital after being given the all-clear by doctors.
Hefner reunite for one-off gig, opening with 'We Love The City' classic.
DiSappointed that this thread dropped onto page 5 after only two days of her being out of hospital.
to fame as leader of the Conservative Party in 1975 before becoming Prime Minister in 1979.
Keeping Up Appearances star Patricia Routledge taken to hospital with suspected fractured ankle.
Margaret celebrates leaving hospital by hosting belated Halloween party, dresses as Police Officer.
Maggie has got over the death of her husband after meeting pensioner Cecil Reaper on friendfinder. "He's no oil painting, but he's beautiful on the inside," said the former PM.
Cameron vows to change the public perception of the Tories.
than spineless and yellow.
Ex-Pm is said to be disappointed at the thrash metal band's oversight of their seminal 1998 EP 'Demons Demo'.
The supernatural being began masturbating over a picture of the former PM back in 1979, but come on - she's no oil painting. That shit'd be hard work.
out for dinner. British actor Charles De'Ath said to have a thing for older women.
Stunned magic show audience left awestruck by Iron Lady as she catches a live round fired from 10 yards between her teeth.
after last weeks Raw when 'The Iron Lady' used her signature move 'The Belgrano' on Paul Bearer.
"Grandkids can be so tiring," said ex-PM, "so I had a little nap to recover from all the excitement".
Pundits reported not to be surprised by Iron Lady's shanked penalty attempt in Carling Cup.
Hard rock band said to be surviving on bits of soggy bread in ex-PM's stomach.
Subsequently bottled offstage at Reading during beautiful group rendition of "U-G-L-Y"
New life-size inflatible sex-doll of former PM proving to be 'perplexingly popular' according to adult industry sources.
Yup. She's a man.
Margarine freezes after being put too close to the back of the fridge after use.
in x factor sing-off. sub-editor regrets missing out space.
exclaims Rod Stewart excitedly before vowing never to play the 1971 hit single again live.
annoyed it took so long for this thread to bementioned in the year-end best-of list.
Ex-PM makes a surprising guest appearance at top London nightspot.
Pixies fans reportedly 'bemused' by lyrics-change in recent set.
fan say Warburtons, following the Iron Lady's tour of their bakery.
Ex-PM says she will not be re-subscribing to the popular magazine.
Witnesses say Ex-PM chased it halfway down the street before giving up and returning home.
In an interview with Rolling Stone magazine, Maggie reveals that her favourite song on 'Ten' is now Jeremy after recent listens.
I would have pegged her for a 'once' fan actually.
Ex-PM's worsening dementia revealed as daughter Carol explains she found her mother curled up among the Christmas decorations in the attic.
fan. Former premier also reveals to Rolling Stone that her favourite Neil Young album is his dark 1994 release.
(Lady In The Radiator Song) fan. Ex-PM reveals surprising favourite Pixies song. Kim Deal has suggested it may be because the lyrics are 'a great comfort at this time in her life'.
fan, having reportedly changed her mind since our last story.
Former PM said to be 'extremely keen' on new suit from Saville Row tailor, arriving there before the shop had opened.
Peter André. Former PM caught up front and centre at recent concert gawping at Aussie pop star's toned frame.
up cover. "She's fucking butchering it!" he sobbed as the ex-PM busted rhymes to the Rage Against the Machine classic.
The former PM is spending increasingly more time on MMORPGs such as World of Warcraft, say worried family members.
Reports claim close family members have confiscated her collection of JJ72 singles.
Due to touring commitments the cricket mad ex-PM will be reduced to snatching bits of the England vs Australia tests where she can.
Unimpressed with the film's overblown production values, the former PM also criticises historical inaccuracies in Ridley Scott's epic action film.
paying tribute to the deceased singer of Norwegian black metal pioneers Mayhem when she performs with them next year. Bassist Necrobutcher commented: "She's working really hard on the act, cutting herself with knives and everything. She has that same inhuman quality Dead had. I can't wait to see her on stage."
Ex-PM Margaret Thatcher is to relaunch Norwegian independent black metal label Deathlike Silence. Reportedly a "fucking huge fan" or Burzum and Mayhem's early records, Baroness Thatcher has decided to self-fund the label to show her eternal gratitude.
Speaking of her favourite moments of 2010, former Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher lamented that she may have to retire from attending Birmingham's Supersonic Festival. "I love going and always have the best time, but, what with my age, my arthritis flairs up from throwing the doom claw all day. It's just getting too heavy for me, man."
newly uncovered George Formby song about saucy roofer demands unusual uke tuning.
New biography of the American prog-rock band reveals they have never been paid by the former PM for a private performance at Chequers in 1985 for the emperor of Japan.
Andrew Lincoln reportedly "honoured" to be working with former Prime Minister on new series of ITV drama.
department at local school. "It's just for an hour a week, but it's my way of playing a part in the Big Society", she explained
rman serial killer. Reports suggest he was a Labour supporter.
bets being taken by bookies. "Too likely to be this year", said bloke from Paddy Power.
pan performance goes down a storm in surprise Peep Show appearance
of Nation's top 5 favourite politicians. "I may not be an MP any more, but I'll have an influence on Westminster FOREVER", said ex-PM. She may or may not have gone on to say "Mwahahahahah", with accompaniment from flashes of lightning, a showing of fangs, and a chilling organ refrain.
it" was the overwhelming consensus after the ex-PM unexpectedly took to the decks as a surprise guest at recent urban music night FWD vs Rinse. "When she dropped Dizzee's 'Stop Dat' I thought I was gonna explode" revealed reveller Tarik Gray, 26.
Randy undertaker Dicky Spong said of the ex-PM, "she may be old but it all still works, you get me?" before winking suggestively.
Margaret makes surprise choice in discussion with needy indie types about favourite Low song.
In a revealing new interview, the former premier recounts tales of the bullying and name-calling she had to endure during her school days.
Margaret Thatcher achieves pass completion rate of 24% in debut for Arsenal Ladies.
Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher describes the frustrating experience of waiting in vain for songs that she actually wants to listen to when her iPod is set to 'shuffle'. "I don't mind some of that depressing music now and again," explained Thatcher, "and I do like that cover of Tim Buckley's Song to the Siren, but sometimes all I want to listen to is Mr. Blue Sky, so I'll toggle through the tracks for hours looking for that one song. I suppose I could have just chosen it from the main menu, but that would take the spontaneity out of it."
and it's 9.53 seconds! Baroness Thatcher smashes Usain Bolt's 100m world record in an astonishing display of sprightliness for an 85 year old.
Betting corruption scandal hits former PM, now playing at left back for Watford, over the suspicious number of misplaced passes by her which have led to opposition goals against the Championship play off hopefuls this season.
Editor Alan Rusbridger then apologises for the error, saying: "At the time of publication we were unable to verify the authenticity of the picture. It was only after we received complaints from our readers that we realised the picture was in fact the artwork from Iron Maiden's 1980 single 'Sanctuary' and did not depict Margaret Thatcher's passing, who remains alive and well. We apologise for any confusion and disappointment caused."
onto mantlepiece. "What a lovely memento of a splendid weekend break", said former PM as she reflected on a recent cheap easyJet getaway, according to an aide. Sources close to the couple say deceased husband Denis would've loved to have been there, too, as "he was such a fan of Van Gogh's vivid colors and emotional impact".
enabling her to collect her Dimplex DXGL02 Glo-Fan Heater from the Argos counter. "This will keep me a bit warmer during this cold start to the year," exclaims the former Prime Minister excitedly.
Maggie scotches rumours that she is losing her appetite in her old age by greedily devouring Burger King's new flagship three-patty beefburger.
Ex-PM responds to Lady Gaga's meat dress by wowing the Tory faithful with a striking balsa Chesterfield coat at the Conservative party conference.
Ex-PM is ruthlessly dispatched in political Halo multiplayer tournament by Tony Blair. "Once he grabbed hold of the sword, there was no stopping him. He just stalked me, waiting for me around corners, and stabbing me in the back repeatedly, even when I was lying on the ground, then asking, 'are you proud of me?' I fucking hate that airbrushed Toy Town ponce."
sized waxwork model from Madame Tussauds. "We tried to stop her but she just overpowered us!" said one security guard. As to why the ex-MP wanted the model, one aide told us, "she just stands there for hours trying to stare it out. It's fucking creepy."
former pm plans to pick up some white bread, cat food and a copy of the Racing Post.
Relatives finally crack and disconnect Maggie's stereo system after being subjected throughout the entire festive period to the former PM's incessant playing of These Animal Men's 1997 single.
offended now she has been told that the origins of seemingly innocuous word 'berk' come from the Cockney rhyming slang "Berkshire Hunt".
NB: Don't tell her it's actually 'Berkeley Hunt'. It might finish her off.
"5 stars - Edgy first novel from hitherto unknown internet mystery man is a Definite Costa Prize candidate." - TLS
On holiday in Holland the former PM reported a sudden growth in foot size, which forced the traditional shoes off.
Former PM's choice of 2004 Lamb of God single as her choice if only allowed one record surprises Radio 4 listeners.
LIKE THATCHER'S LUNGS
annoyed that DiS is fixed. "The productivity of capitalist office-worker drones went up by at least 20% whilst that damn site was down" said the ex-PM.
according to the Jay Z's Laugh thread.
parents speak to her from beyond the grave. Former PM reportedly "delighted" to have reconnected with her family during seance.
Ex-PM accidentally deletes new Radiohead album from her inbox.
upset about Elizabeth Taylor's passing.
thread bumped after brief period of inactivity.
SERIOUS NOT EXCITED
Not usually a video-game player, Margaret Thatcher takes a shine to Team 17's much loved 'Worms'.
In Sound member Guntrip at number 3 on List Of Enemies after discovering thread about her death. Daughter Carol assures us she'll have forgotten who he is and removed him from the list by lunchtime tomorrow.
R donor "She was fine about anything else being taken, even skin and eyes but she finds the idea of her liver being harvested after her death a bit too uncomfortable".
by Amy Winehouse.
Former PM announces her favourite previous winner of the Norwegian Black Metal Society's annual 'Extinct Animals' themed fancy dress competition.
Turn to page 11 for our shocking pics of Maggie flashing her knickers as she drunkenly steps out of a cab outside Chinawhite. Witnesses say that the ex-PM was so unsteady on her feet that she had to be propped up by her bodyguard.
Island from Christmas list following poor reviews.
Ex-PM peed her panties in excitement over the imminent results to 'A QUIZ, of sorts...V2'.
Metal festival. "I can't believe I'm going to see her growl onstage with Burzum," said one tearful fan. "This is gonna be brutal!"
? fan. Ex-PM fights cabinet to the death over choice of favourite Noddy Holder album.
by an impending sense of doom, as she forgets what she originally came into the room to look for.
to contain traces of badger DNA.
-acted on screen by Meryl Streep in new film
I came in here to make reference to Meryl Streep but couldn't think of one so had to improvise.
Metaphorically speaking, anyway, as George Monbiot explains in his latest rehashed column "ding dong the witch is dead keen on monetarist fiscal policy".
according to my severely dyslexic friend.
Mouse under her sofa, reportedly furious with her cat.
Sources indicate the former PM had been eating the fish every Friday since retirement, but has moved onto plaice due to a dickie stomach. The editor accepts this is a bit of a non-story, but he just wanted to bump the thread.
The former Prime Minister is said to be devastated at missing out on tickets for the American rock legends' latest, now sold-out, American arena concerts. Thatcher was heard to remark `I haven't been this distraught since that shafting Heseltine gave me`.
the thought of ever leaving.
It's a hoax: https://twitter.com/OfficialSkyNews
serious about going to Queen Elizabeth Land!
of Mayan calendar in a lead bunker
Ex-PM doesn't have a spare pair, sources reveal.
is on the BBC front page.
I chose to misinterpret its meaning.
and released papers from her personal archive that show senior Tories were initially sceptical about going to war over the Falklands
Oh, sorry, I'll just-
*crashes into funeral canapes*
annoyed that she'll be missing Broadchurch tonight.
...oh... er... dead...
And came right here.