Did anyone see Eton Road's version of 'I Don't Feel Like Dancing' on X-Factor the other week? Musical necrophilia in its purest form, as one bunch of clones raped another group of copycats' desolate corpse dry.

But aside from that, would somebody please explain to me just what is the point of Scissor Sisters? As if one Elton John wasn't bad enough, let alone the fifth-rate Prince-isms that eek out of Jake Shears' grating falsetto, this really is music for people on a one-track never-ending journey to nowhere - never ending because it hasn't moved in the first place.

Sure, there'll no doubt be the odd naysayer who'll accuse me of being a homophobe, or whatever, but let's be honest: this lot have done about as much for changing gender stereotypes as The Village People, with their handlebar moustaches and leather bondage gear, achieved in the seventies.

What really irks me about artists like Scissor Sisters, though, is that they haven't an original bone in their body, or idea in their collective minds, and subsequently make records that will forever soundtrack the pre-lunch conference call or, worse still, a Thursday night out at an '80s-themed bar.

So, you don't like Scissor Sisters, Gourlay - are you actually going to review the record?

Yeah, that's the easy bit: 'Land Of A Thousand Words' is, quite simply, Cack Of The Highest Order. And should be renamed accordingly.