I should warn everyone that this thing ‘ere is a novelty club track, sampling, funnilly enough, excerpts from that popular self-esteem lowering quiz show * “The Weakest Link.”* The proper song is shit. But then proper novelty club songs always are shit, ‘cos the black box noodlers are trying too hard. Ok, so what we get is a dush dush beat with synths, Anne Robinson *acting like my headmistress, the compére trying to be *Anne Robinson, and the audience chanting “What are you? What are you? WHAT ARE YOU???!! YOU ARE THE WEAKEST LINK!” in a “you’re fat and you know you are!!!” stylee. The only thing that would make this good would be if they played Top Of the Pops with Anne Robinson dressed/ trussed up as a dominatrix and being tortured by a page 3, over-tanned, alpha-male, sadistic gimp with a pink feather duster and Welsh Rabbit.

Right on now to the Club Mix which is better because you can dance to it and as all the wordy bits are lower down in the mix you don’t have to pay attention to them.

That said both versions are boring (yes, even for a cheap, bandwagon-jumping cash-in) and interminably predictable as I have the feeling that the backing music came pre-programmed with the synth. Unfortunately this isn’t funny or witty enough to ever be classed as a good novelty cash in track, so in the drinks-coaster pile it goes.