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RIP: the Neu-Kraut scene

London’s neat-buttoned youth are in mourning today, after the burgeoning Neu-Kraut scene was effectively killed off in one fell swoop.

The fatal blow was dealt as The Alma Tavern, on Old York Road in Wandsworth, was closed for a month for refurbishing. The pub had been the epicentre of the emergent scene; attracting a regular nucleus of between 50 and 100 gig-goers, all painfully devoted to bands like HTRK, Holy Fuck, Futurism vs. Passeism and HEALTH.

A crowd of bewildered, neat young adults has gathered sulkily around the doors at The Alma Tavern, which is to be re-opened as a wine bar.

“Yes. It is a shame. We will find other things,” said a bowl-haired enthusiast, when pushed.

Typically, the Neu-Kraut scenester was indeed bowl-haired. Rumblings in the tabloid press earlier this summer portrayed a seedy, SW London underworld of Puritan burlesque, cheap amphetamine and cheaper efficiency as bored ravers rushed to trade their glowsticks for riding crops.

Of course, youth trends like these always have roots in the past - Einsturzende Neubaten, SCRARP and NEU!, obviously, all inestimable influences on the late scene.

So, where next for lovers of metronomic drum loops and soaring, ice-pick guitar lines that majestically evoke memories of sunk-eyed teenage heroin addicts on the rooftops of factories in East Berlin, at 5am on a misty October morning?

“Penge,” said one reveller. “Penge.”

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semi-plagarism?

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/27870

pi/10

ps- is there actually a nu-kraut scene? if so i want in, i think...

Yr

An Idjat.

Big up FvP.

Wasted opportunity

for a Nu-Kroon gag.

IS THIS NEWS?!

Someone had to...

got milk?

i dont get it

did Health really play in wandsworth?

i hear they only drink lime cordial

or elderflower water. post-sXe.

so the neu-kraut scene has gone sauer?

hahahahaaha. ahem. i don't understand what this article is on about ....

this is really unfunny.

That onion article

is a classic though

"These people are simply not in the physical condition to survive this sort of trauma. It's just a twisted mass of black-frame glasses and ironic Girl Scouts T-shirts in there."

Marvelous.

I walked past this pub today

fact

what?

neukraut? what?

HEALTH didn't play there either, or visit it, and i don't think the place was mentioned once in an entire 14 days of UK tour. hmmmmmmmmmm.

either way, venues closing is a sad thing.

Unfunny in-jokes

Please no more joke articles.

fuck.

nice pun!

^ ban request ^

Sarcasm

right?

oh

it's not even closing. it's just refurbishment. what a pointless article!

the brudenell in leeds gets its delivies on a tuesday. perhaps you could utilise this fact to publish a news story every tuesday for the next year.

"oh"

The Alma Tavern, which is to be re-opened as a wine bar.

“Yes. It is a shame. We will find other things,” said a bowl-haired enthusiast, when pushed.

just some added emphasis

w i n e b a r

I must be being really thick here...

I know there is some "hilarious" gag hidden in amongst these words, but after reading this article 4 times over I've failed to spot it...

What's all this about?

How very unprofessional.

Maybe

you should have something like the NME's old "Thrills" section? You could put this sort of stuff in there.

Oh how very mainstream

I would've thought that Neu-Kraut if it ever existed would be at Gluerooms in New Cross, or anywhere where the DJs from Resonance FM's Kosmische are, or at Upset The Rhythm in Kilburn, or anywhere The Resonance Association are playing?

Oh that's all a bit below the radar isn't it, how very sad and geeky of me

:'(

poor penge

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