Before we begin, it'd make sense to get one thing straight - this has been a pretty limp week for news. What with every spin doctor, gab merchant and news pusher in music decamped to Austin, TX the constant flow from the wires and press releases has slowed to a depressing trickle for us left behind manning DiSopolis.
Not to worry, though - it's Friday! That's the benefit of writing these digests. They're always written on a Friday, so whatever pessimistic bubble you've been floating around these last few days will be popped imminently by the promise of nocturnal chemical oblivion. Ah, oblivion. And it's sunny for god's sake, which makes anything better. Apart from sunburn. And possibly drought.
Anyway, without further ado, here's the week's news in a super-succint digest; waving you good sailors off into the sunset like the pretty girlfriend you've left crying down at port. Behold:
Lou Reed announces a European tour! He'll play Berlin album in full!
New York moany man will wander across our continent playing one of his best albums in its entirety through June and July...read and comment
Someone's making a biopic based on Joe Strummer! He was really, really good!
Documentary maker Julien Temple promises unseen footage, enrols Scorsese and Bono for May release...read and comment
The Horrors enrage an American audience by smashing up Elvis!
Faris Badwan, he's a bad one, smashed a porcelain bust and then got spat on...read and comment
DiS team files log from the Texas trenches! We haven't heard from them since!
Bands are watched, beers are sucked, hands are shaken...read and comment
Dodgy ticket site rips off fans! Web conman Michael Rangos under suspicion!
A website called tickettout.com managed to get scores of punters to part with scores of cash. Some pitied, some pitied the fools...read and comment
Wireless announces this year's line-up! Gareth Dobson says it "kinda looks pretty good actually"!
White Stripes, QOTSA, Daft Punk and the Kaiser Chiefs confirmed for London, Leeds...read and comment
Jetplane Landing reform! It seems people still care!
The London/Derry band are to return after a three and a half year break with a new album in June...read and comment
Simon Cowell says Springsteen is rubbish! He's angry and wants more money!
How did Simon Cowell break Will Dean's heart? No, our writer hasn't been crying on TV. He's just got a soft spot for old burly Bruce...read and comment
Elton John is gay! Tobagons board up homes in face of imminent invasion!
Religious leaders in Tobago are worried that Sir Elton's visit will inspire a wave of gay-ification on the Carribean island...read and comment
That's your lot. Why am I still in the office? Good question...