So, there you are, jumping about a bit, watching the band, enjoying the atmosphere and generally minding your own business when all of a sudden THUD! Some strangers’ steel-capped DM boot wedges itself firmly into your eye socket. Said stranger then gets heaved off to inflict pain upon some other poor, unsuspecting gig-goer, totally oblivious to the fact that they’ve just given you a nice big shiner of a black eye.
Still, with every teenagers burning desire to be as rock’n’roll as possible and generally be ‘ard, crowd surfing has a convenient appeal. I mean, hey! What could possibly be a more suiting way to enjoy your £9-worth of live music than to get thrown about peoples heads, slowly crippling them one by one, whilst those sweaty, grimy hands that you haven’t yet broken, grope and grab at you.
The ancient art of crowdsurfing is as old as the mosh pit itself. Since the very beginning of rock’n’roll antics, that bit of the audience right at the foot of the stage has been a whirling no man's land of flying bodies and vented vitriol… and we wouldn’t have it any other way!
So, if you’re thinking of taking that trip over the top to a world of bright lights and grasping hands and you don't want irate casualties (myself included) chasing you around with big sticks, screaming profanities in your face, here are a few things to consider…
- Timing – So, as you look around, you can see there’re already about 5 people clambering onto their mates shoulders… this is NOT an invitation. Unless you want to just drop on the floor in front of the stage and crack your head on the rail because the security are too busy getting other people, it’s just not a good idea. And the people on the front row don’t like it, either.
- Movement– The worst thing about being someone underneath a crowdsurfer, is when they thrash about, squirming and kicking like a small child having a tantrum. This will not only make it incredibly hard to push you forward, it also makes people want to stick pins in your eyes, and no one likes having pins in their eyes, do they? The safest, easiest and all round most enjoyable method is just to lie back, keep still and enjoy the scenery.
- Clothing – Chains, extreme spikes and bags. No, just… NO!
- Judge your Weight – Now, I don’t mean to sound rude, but you’ve got to be practical about this. People have got you bear your weight on their arms and shoulders, and the security have got to carry you safely over the bar. If you’re a 6ft 6ins rugby player who weighs 15 stone… it’s just not gonna happen. You’ll only get dropped, so why bother trying?
- Quality, not Quantity – So, you’ve crowdsurfed once. Fucking good, wasn’t it? Yeah, well savour the moment and give everyone else a break. The reappearance of the same manic grins and toe caps every five minutes wont make you any friends.
- And finally, just remember no one likes a show off – so keep those RAWK moments and laps of victory until you get home, because frankly, you look like a prat.
Now, assuming you’ve taken all that on board and you’re ready to crowdsurf like a pro, there’s nothing left to say except - Happy havoc!