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you go first... I wanna test the water...
I killer a man. Properly.
I'll end up in prison. Sobs.
and felt guilty for a very long time... but it was only a kiss how did it end up like this? I am faithful normally.
but i kissed my mates girlfriend. no wait,she kissed me...and it was christmas after all
And what was her problem? Where you under mistletoe??
and i'm not proud of it.
and the rules say you can kiss underneath it... Hmm....
Sorry.. hungover today... a bit emo as well.
never ever ever do it again i swears it
behind his back? that's quite risky...
stole 5 grand off a former employer, They owed me the money but weren't gonna pay it.
I'm not proud. Wasn't my fault though
1992: incident w/pigeon
1993: surprising amount of blood
1996: oh shit that girl's still locked in the basement, I wonder if she's okay?
1997: penguin cull, happy times
1999: halloween candy russian roulette w/rat poison. 3 casualties
2001: importing children
2003: no one ever used that orphanage anyway
2005: unpaid council tax
that's bad, isn't it?
and I'd throw it into a good 15-20 foot the air and let it land on the floor. I feel so bad about that. But I was 10.
Other minor stuff includes setting fire to someone's shed and nicking stuff from a factory at night when I was 16.
But that hamster thing actually upsets me :'(
better than pigs. or gerbils. OR PIGS.
I shoplifted which is very very lame.
And I dipped my brothers toothbrush in the toilet when he was mean to me once.
someone behind my exs back. then she found her phone number on my phone bill and demanded i phone this girl up asking why the cheater girl called me so much, seeing as "nothing had happened between us". i had to phone her up snd tell her to stop calling me..in front of my bird. we broke up soon after.
then i shagged some girl by the canal in camden oppostite the police station and loads of flats. actually that was worse
Snogging a woman at Marco Fella's Wedding, threw up over the side of the chair, when she was at the toilet. Carried on snogging her when she got back.
On a midland red bus in the afternoon between Malvern and Birmingham
on threads about shame when I am in fact not that ashamed but boastful
of an estate agents. Me and my mate opened it and it said all this stuff like "here is the cheque, I hope it's not too late, we're desperate for this sale" and everything so we threw it in the bin.
I am a bastard.
Because I fear I may have some really shameful secrets that I have worked hard at to forgot.
it would have been better if it had said 'here is the cheque, please don't evict us my child is disabled'.
try harder next time.
so his thigh got impaled on a metal fence post. And then claimed it wasn't my fault </actual truth>
Well actually Moker is was me who posted the letter to the Estatee agents. The reason we were desperate for the sale to go through was to raise money for a life saving treatment in America for my wife. We failed to sell the house after that and she died. My life fell apart after that nad my children had to go into care and i've never seen thm since. I am currently sectioned in a secure hospital trying to deal with all this.
would you send a cheque to an estate agent to "raise money"?
the cheque would have been to put the house on the market prehaps?
a toilet roll and broke it's back, felt quite guilty about that.
Bloody hell! That's definately worse than me...
I never remember the things I do, so I don't think they count.
to be very good at keeping hamsters alive either.. Sorry Laurance! Your one was quite old tho.
You killed Laura's hamster? Or was it just in your care when it went to the other side?
Surely you should have bought an identical new one in classic style?
I've never seen such a funny looking hamster.
I haven't seen inimitable since I read The Inimitable Jeeves!
Man, I want to see a picture of this unique hamster, now.
trashed the place, wrote all over the family videos, put electrical equipment in the frezzer and so on. But the thing I feel bad about is my mate sprayed this guy's younger brother's teddy in deodrant and set fire to it. If someone did that to me, I'd be heartbroken.
Um,not that I have a teddy of course.
This was after they made us leave their house party because we stole their fish. Bastards.
you're fucking evil. seriously.
I want to hear more.
is brilliant moker.
this thread makes me feel sad, as it reminds me of how horrible i just am.
On the way back from the airport my mate fell asleep so I wrote a false telephone number and put 'Sarah' above it and put it in his pocket. His wife always washes his clothes for him and found the note. They nearly divorced
but the "winner" is smilingcrazylady
Unless anyone can do worse than breaking a small animal's spine. Urgh, that's so harsh!
Making my hamster crimes seem forgivable.
trying to force her gerbil up a loo roll, Is Darcy a bit Richard Gere?
student house and she was away, her flatmates and I were indulging in a mild food fight, my girlfriends best friend got some frozen brussel sprouts and poured them down my trousers. Whilst squirming to remove the most, uncomfortable ones, she fought with me trying to reposition the sprouts so they would be most effective.
This unusual flirting method proved to be successful as I went on to be spectacularly unfaithful later that night with my girlfriends best friend, in my girlfriends bed.
The night also involved that which was discussed in BangBangs thread
that i had been a naughty boy
Prison is too good for people like you, moker.
been unfaithful in the past too. But never in a girls bed.
I'm gonna write a big list and then undo all my wrong-doings.
Then make a sitcom about it.
or give them a blowjob.
Depending on their sex.
its like a reversal, innit?
i remember trolling some evangelical christian IRC channel once and watching someone i know ask if felching was a sinful act, and then being asked to explain what it was as the mods didn't know.
sounds like a load of pish.
But I think that someone else in the house might well have picked up the brussels and unwittingly put them back in the bag...they were impoverished students after all.....blimey....thats even worse isnt it?
ONe or two had probably been up your crack... :-D
but I did once smash my neighbour's windows and potted flowers whilst they were on holiday. I don't even know why I did it, and I regretted it so much I couldn't sleep for two months. I was 7 at the time.
On my first bike I accidently rode into the neighbours passenger door and made a massive dent. I got so scared I wouldn't ride my bike for about a year.
just geeked all over someones lancaster bomber thread
my ex-boyfriend at school was involved in grafitti-ing historic buildings and accidentally burning down a massive hedge though, and I knew and never told anyone :(
Jesus... That must have been tricky.
'accidentally' making flame throwers from deodorant cans NEAR a massive hedge...
yep you really did. Why do you know so much. Are you a war veteran?
Psuedonym of someone very wise though
but geekily knowledgable
I should point out.
I am not he...he is not as clever as I, hopefully he will rail against this, and we can have a brain wrestle
I dunno really.
I've never done anything heinous to an animal or a girlfriend.
I think I'm fairly nice.
you've done something to someone else's girlfriend. And we ALL know about it...
I thought no actually bodily fluids were exchanged while she was with someone else.
I don't feel in the least bit guilty about it.
I owe him to loyalty.
For information... me and the girl in question are now having a lovely time as a couple. Its the easiest relationship I've ever been in.
curse these spastic fingers
no? back to work? OK.
my housemate's room (walls ceiling, floor, furniture) with his own porn collection.
of doing mildly evil things for the sake of it. recent examples include pelting heartbrokenstar with apples when he was ill and borrowing clothes off igethitbyemokids with no intention of wearing them or returning them very soon.
this thread did remind me of the time i had a sealed pack of prawns in my room for about a month, and they went very nasty and the air expanded til it nearly exploded. i then put a pin prick in it and slid it through an assholes window. he threw up everywhere when he found it.
His eye went black and puffed up insanely. Felt really bad about it, at the time.
that prawn story just made me laugh out loud whilst on the phone to payroll :)
perishables around rooms for no reason. cartons of milk behind radiators. i never did it, but apparently milk+raw chicken=a bomb.
behind a cabinet in my form room at secondary school. Its probably still there.
put an onion up the leg of my housemate's (the same one) table, which he found about 3 months later.
And stole his shoes and never have them back.
He used to wake me up every night, OK.
I borrowed an electric guitar from a friend at school. He was a nice guy and his mum was nice. She was a single parent and had saved up to get him the guitar. When I was playing it the tremelo snapped off. I was so embaressed I didn't tell him, sold the guitar for Â£10 and broke off contact with him.
Twenty years later I joined Friends Reunited to try to track him down and buy him a new guitar. He isn't on it. I imagined him and his mum living in a homeless refuge all because of me and that guitar. Spoke to someone else I went to school with and he says he's doing fine.
I could post some of the ones I'll be going to hell for but won't bother.
Made a complete fanny of myself after a gig last night. I do stupid, outragous, aggressive things quite regularly, apparently because of all the drink and drugs I took I don't have the necessary filters you aquire in your teens which make you consider the effect of your actions on others and your future.
about Â£75, I sold it for Â£10 to get it out of my life.
(very) small attempt to buy him another guitar.
I think you should follow it through.
been better to just buy another tremelo? That would have been less harsh. Didn't they ever enquire after their guitar? If not they can't have been that bothered, so it's all good.
Did you take pictures? What did he do??
surely it was easier to lob it in a bin?
but both, all at the same time.
Animal, mineral or vegetable, that guy just didn't care.
Don't know about this one.
I got out of my way trying not to do shameful or evil things to people. So I don't really have a sadistic anecdote for you.
i have a new one. in an extension on the "me going through a phase of being a minor/perhapd lovable asshole" i spat on my hands and wiped them all over igethitbydrewmokids' face when he licked the insides of my gloves.
of when someone put 5 packs of kippers in our head of years office.
I once broke my friends ankle because I thought I was Kurt Angle.
I stuck someones toothbrush up my arse and then put it back in the exact same place it had previously occupied on his pube ridden sink.
I'm not ashamed of that though, he was a total dick...and brought it upon himself.
slept with my boss at the times wife (i was 17 and she was 42!).....
split up with my girlfriend and slept with about 5 or 6 of her friends.....
had a playfight at school with one of my class mates and whacked him so hard he had an epelepic fit........
put a massive ball of chewing gum in a girls hair when i was at school, the day before she was in some beauty paegent and as a result she had to pull out of it as her mum had to cut half of her hair off to get rid of it....
waited until a neighbour had his drive relaid with concrete and me and a friend ran through it and wrote our names in it (that was dumb...police were called for that!)
i am a Changed man now!
i can't think of anything :(
some of you people are EVIL.
My mates however, are cunts.
My housemate once stole a passport from a girl's bag, wrote "Dear airport security. I am sorry, so sorry, because I am a terrorist" in it, then slipped it back into her bag.
And my mate Dan recently drew the classic ejeculating penis in his landlord's bible.
but evil. What happened?
tortured then deported to Iran
once sent my older brother to hospital, he was being really annoying, so i picked up the nearest object(a hole punch) and threw it at him then ran away. My parents weren't too impressed having to take him to casuality in the middle of the night... i was only 13
on a night of alcohol fuelled mischief when i was around 15 me and some friends came across some childrens shoes on a doorstep. We then proceeded to burn said shoes, and leave them in the exact place we found them. The charred hunk of rubber they found in the morning must surely have inspired tales of spontaneously combusting shoes countywide!