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Who is next?
i was drunk at the time though
that is why this is my first reply!
but it went tits-up.
but seriously, what have balloons got to do with "bust"ing?
surely "i used to own a bra factory, but then it went bust"?
so there's a subtlty element.
SORT AIIIGHT YOUR APOSTROPHES, ya HIPPY CRIT
Typo madness! :-D
bras can bust (ie just break) just as much as balloons can.
it was an expression of solidarity with another person who knows what it is to rule a vast business empire and then have it all snatched away by the vagaries of the free market.
but the poor economy and growing monopolisation of out of town shopping centres meant that i had to shut down and sell a kidney to clear my debts.
www.martbowski.com i think
not there at all. but they were non-jokes such as 'A man walks into a bar. He is probably an alcoholic who will later go home and beat his wife.'
I used to own an ice cream van until I ran someone over. I went to jail.
it's going downhill fast.
but then I bought the farm
but they died.
but then all the kids i fancied grew up
too far? abandon reply?
but I found it very depressing
but eberything went down the pan.
but I made some unwise decisions, the business collapsed, my wife left me, I lost my house, I started drinking and one day went on a killing spree in Lemington Spa High Street, killing 15 people and maining four children.
I'm finding this whole thread depressing. Let's talk about sandwiches again instead.
Because the party, as ever, was either in London or fucking far-flung Wales :-(
but it never made the grade.
that was shit actually.
but i lost it during a trip to london.
if anyone has seen it please call 07770 756 408
It answers to the name of 'Tiddles'.
Does Sian know?
to make phone call... so that if it's something crazy, my boss does nay freak out
[the FEAR has rejoined me, restless boy}
We could get married one day and I'll spend all of your money on a massive year long DiS party instead, eh?
For me to call...
as long as you've found my whale.
but it flopped.
but it nose dived
THEY'RE JUST GETTING BETTER
But it drove me around the bend.
but it collapsed
but it bombed.
maybe if it had been an explosives factory...
and i still do!
a vacuum cleaner company.
but it sucked.
a 1970s heavy rock group, but we always went down like a lead balloon.
but it wasn't a growth industry
but things just dried up
it was shit.
but it went to the dogs
but it ran out of steam.
mattress and a chewed pen lid. It was rubbish
until someone told me to stop living in the past.
but it was just a pipe dream
but everyone died from horrific burns injuries.
but now i don't.
I sold it as a going concern.
but then I found out it was illegal.
but it turned out they were all chiefs.
but then it got stuck up shit creek without a paddle.
until the business fell flat on it's face.
but i gave it up; it was boring.
I used to own a newsagents.
then I sold it. I'm glad to be out of that fowl business
but it blew away.
but the customers walked away from it.
but now I'm in a wheelchair.
that meant that I though the only way to get to the other side of a wall was to go round it.
It was alright though, I got over it
on the executive board for a major pharmacuetical concern.
Then a lot of people died as a result of my decision-making and I was given an undisclosed amount of money to retire early.
selling my bodily fluids for medical research.
but they started taking the piss.
but I stopped as she just started giving me the run around.
but I got the hump.
but I chickened out.
but it was all pain and no gain.
but then the stock market took a hit
that one day I would own a pasty shop in Heaven.
I realised that it was just pie in the sky
like alladin. But that was just wishful thinking.
But I just couldn't handle it
in a bucket, and I hung it on a branch over a 500ft high cliff.
Sadly, the bottom fell out, and I lost everything
but the company went bust when I was given the reins.
badger farce custard wank house mile jumper.
But that was just crazy talk
but I couldn't clear the first hurdle.
but it was a bit of an uphill struggle
but it was all Dutch to me
but then the company got in hot water.
but somebody else had cornered the market
but it gave everyone cancer, so they shut it down.
but all our hopes went up in flames.
it wasn't all it was cracked up to be.
but the company went into liquidation.
This never actually gets old, does it?
the reception was awful
more amazed at the number of jobs we've all had / companies that we've owned
but it was just flogging a dead horse.
but I got out early cos I didn't want to milk it.
but we didn't have enough money to support it.
and following that enjoyed a long commercially rewarding solo career. Then I got shot in the face and run over by a tank, which I survived. Then when I was recovering in hospital they discovered I had cancer, AIDS, and bird flu.
What finished me off was being cheese-gratered to death by a man made of salt.
But I couldn't flog any old rope.
but it went to my head.
but there was no market for them.
but they're on the way out.
I missed the boat on that one.
but we got shafted by the taxman.
it was a mugs game.
but we didn't have any vision.
but I wasn't in tune with it.
but we couldn't handle the pressure.
I should have used a better object which contained a handle...
It's now a factory which made doors.
but probably true.
we have LOL
Liking it lots...!!
but i did't have the bottle for it
benders, birds and coloureds.
Then everyone went PC.
I hope it never ends.
but i found it DISappointing
but then the competition turned ugly
but I got down-sized
but that went up in smoke
until it went balls-up.
but then I lost the plot :-(
but... no wait, I still am!
But I just couldn't see the point any more.
ah well, that's how the cookie crumbles.
till i got my marching orders.
in the end I got band
till i got the sac.
till i got the old heave ho.
but it was really only a fling
but my heart wasnt really in it.
but we got beaten by the competition.
but then the bubble burst.
but then the market crashed.
but i lost the will to live
but i wasnt too keane on the whole idea.
but i felt i was always on the outside looking in.
but it was really boreing
but it was really Gaye.
but it was really Pooh.
but it was a DiS appointment.
his best mates uncle touched him inappropriately one xmas and took it away...er. yeah. UNFACT
but she walks around with a shovel
it was a non event
it was enlightening
but i didnt make the cut
but i got sacked for cryin on the job after i dropped my delivery
i kept on bricking it
we were toploader
would i ever do it again?
but my mate got the job.
but the people I was dealing with were fucking animals.
That's when my career really took off.
in which a small wooden bird would pop out every hour on the hour and make its trademark sound.
it drove me mad.
that man was meant to be on his feet 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. I gave up when someone pointed out that I was wrong.
Their argument went against everything I stood for
but I had to quit, my line manager was a monster.
but a spider ate me.
Very good Restless...
but I had to get outta there.
OH THIS IS SHIT
when I was making fly on the wall documentaries.
to make the world's biggest and most durable cake.
but I couldn't cut it.
but I couldn't stand the heat so I got out of the kitchen.
but I quit as work was just hell.
I swore blind I'd get revenge on him.
to type out the entire works of shakespeare.
I couldn't do it because I was of a simian nature.
Still, if you pay peanuts you get monkeys.
In the end I told him to shove it.
but I hated it, bloody bean counters.
but it was a Knightmare.
Let's see how long we can keep it going... Epic thread...
before that I was a preman.
and get people to invest in my idea of a safe that doesn't have a door.
But there was no money in it
called 'Visit any part of England other than London!'
but we didn't have the capital.
but it died on its arse.
but then I got a shag
That's not a joke! That's real, innit?
that involved allowing people to set up stalls and sell stuff, but the stalls would be made of a soufflÃ© that I'd made with the oven door open.
Of course, the market fell flat
but profits came up short.
that you didn't have to drive, you just sat there and it did everything for you. I only ever drove it once, on the world's largest oval racetrack.
Eventually, it drove me round the bend
It drove me bananas.
would also drive people into European rivers.
It drove them in Seine
but it spiralled out of control
it drove me potty
with the company that we had, found that we got a lot more done if we dressed as Tunderbirds puppets. I put some glasses on and did all of the scientific stuff.
I was the Brains of the outfit
but then I realised it rhymed with 'fucking wanker'.
but I got bored of it.
'but I got bored of it after about five minutes'
wearing their latest products to promote them to passers by.
But that's for dummies.
where my salary actually dictated what I did. When I got up, where I went, who I saw etc.
I gave that up though, I didn't want to be a slave to the wage
but some competitors stole my business.
I really got stung there.
then I decided that was the thin end of the wedge
but my suppliers kept fleecing me.
extra mature sweetbreads.
But it was a load of old bollocks.
but then I realised I was getting this piss taken out of me
would be to join an existing window cleaning company and climb the ladder.
by making accurate models of mountain ranges.
But it didn't suit me
and gain all my sustenance by stealing from strangers in cafes.
But it wasn't my cup of tea.
I thought I'd see if I could make my fotune by answering a telephone that belonged to someone else.
It just wasn't for me
I considered opening up an opticians.
But I had no eye for that sort of thing.
groups of Englishmen, Irishmen and Scotsmen but it turned out to be a joke.
adding to this....oh
but I was flogging a dead horse
that made novelty gay sex toys.
But I sold it after I found my investors were playing silly buggers.
But someone said I was the worst :-(
You've made me cry now...
it was hollywood_freak. I'll give him a row when I see him...
that would allow me to stay at home all day. I thought I'd get up about 2pm, maybe watch some telly. Eat some instant noodles, muck about the internet. I certainly didn't have any plans on looking for a job.
As they rightly pointed out, I'd just be wasting my time
is based in a hole in the ground.
I just fell into it really.
the profits went through the roof.
sold it for millions, and moved to Monaco for tax relief reasons, all in the space of 8 seconds.
I was an instant success
Turns out I drew the short straw.
they took a photo of me and blew it up to life size, and said that they would decide the winning candidate by punching their picture out in to a cardboard model that would stand at the front of the building.
I didn't get it, though.
I wasn't cut out for it
but then I got syphilis.
it was a nice job for a while. i enjoyed looking after the elephants and the lions, directing the visitors to the whereabouts of the seals and sealions, seeing the happy faces of all the children as they watched, with faces full of glee, the meercats playing and the tigers prowling. i was so good at my job they promoted me, to head zookeeper of those animals closest to us. The Monkeys! powerful groillas and cheeky chimpanzees, what simian sights i would see!
but it was a disaster which would end my happy time as a zookeeper.
it drove me bannanas!!!
but I couldn't get the hang of it
But my business plan had too many holes in it.
work was pretty easy... i could do it in my sleep
device that would automatically rescue you if you got stuck up a tree.
It really got me down
but the bubble burst
but we found it difficult to get out of bed in the morning.
But it was a slippery slope into debt.
a trampoline factory.
I soon bounced back.
some money that had a bit of a reputation, it was always getting in fights or mugging old ladies, that sort of thing. I decided that the best way to get rid of it was put it in to a catapult.
I had some really nice money as well, though. It used to go and get shopping for old people, or help out down at the soup kitchen. I was bored of it though, so I put that in the catapult immediately after the first lot of money.
I couldn't help but feel that I was just throwing good money after bad, though
I also put on a pair of headphones and ignored anyone who spoke to me.
By the end, I just couldn't be bothered.
but my life story really upset him.
It was a crying shaman.
But someone told me it was just monkey business.
but I got fed up of working with c..... abandon reply!
who wasn't very forthcoming about details.
you get the picture.
to test the external strength of houses using just my cranium.
At times, it was like banging my head against a brick wall
to buy big shoes, trousers that you could pour custard into, a car where all the doors fell off, a big honky horn, lots of makeup and balloon animals.
It was a fool's errand.
but I didn't know where I was going with it
but I wasn't particularly enamelled of it.
but I quit last month.
It was a weight off my shoulders.
they had me jumping through hoops.
for household crockery.
It was a mug's game
it was top.
But it was impossible to stay afloat.
it was great.
that made extremely powerful lights.
it was brilliant.
it really opened by eyes.
illegally importing alcohol.
I got a rum deal.
It was a barrel of laughs.
invested in dictionaries too.
of when I ran a course helping people express themselves better.
It was a bit... 'you know'. Kind of... erm... whatdyercallit.
that was really ####### ### # ### ## #### ### ###, #### #### ## Colin Roberts ##### ### ## #### ###### ##### conspiracy to ###### #### ######## John Brainlove ##### ### #### # ####### pigeon.
but I couldn't get the staff.
now that's a dead end job.
but i left when he cut my wages.
but I gave up becuase 44 envelop face.
that when I was at work I was dressed as a giant Edam.
I used to think I was the big cheese
I'm such a bright spark
Now he's gone.
Better late than never....
esta broma no tiene ningÃºn punchline asÃ que no incomoda el traducir de Ã©l
it was a stage I was going through.
that was a really long way away and they insisted I had to punch the road every ten paces.
It was a bit too far off the beaten track.
by making him Chicken Tikka Massalas, Dansaks, and Vindaloos.
I was just trying to curry favour.
to wave my hands around him to cool him down. But I declined.
I'm not a fan.
But I just couldn't crack it
taking cash from the customers and putting it into my bosses account.
I gave it up because it was all a bit fishy.
I've no experience. I'll just have to wing it.
it was a drag.
I was tired of the same old grind
it was soul destroying.
but one day my career fell apart when I landed on a really big snake.
Back to square one eh?
in crisp manufacturing.
I thought I'd make a packet.
involved eating undercooked chicken and staying awake all night.
I soon grew sick and tired of that
but then I quit.
I used to do that all the time. I had to stop I was in such a sorry state.
I have no staying power in any job. I have a real problem with the word commtitmnet.
volunteering as a tree doctor.
call me a sap.
who said that I was bark-ing.
An English Lesson
A teacher asks her class to use the word 'contagious'.
Roland the class swot, gets up and says, "Last year I got the Measles
and my Mum said it was contagious."
"Well done, Roland" says the teacher. "Can anyone else try?"
Katie, a sweet little girl with pigtails, says, "My grandma says there's
a bug going round, and it's contagious."
"Well done, Katie" says the teacher. "Anyone else?"
Little Irish Patrick jumps up and says in a broad Irish voice, "Our next
door neighbour is painting his house with a two-inch brush and my Dad
says it will take the contagious".
Sod's Law I suppose
but then I got my act together. Now I'm a student.
playing Pinocio for Â£50 a hour. No strings attached.
It didn't really get off the ground
I couldn't get the hang of it.
removing the bottom of shoes.
It was a sole-less task.
but we went in to liquidation
I had a fine time.
didn't fall off the bull's penis when trying to get sperm for artificial insemination purposes.
But I quit because my boss was a wanker.
where we were given product not money for our work.
so yes the pay was shit.
and right at the bottom of the list was 'bird flu vaccine tester'.
Then I got a letter telling me that I was to become a test patient for the bird flu vaccine.
It was the last thing I wanted to do
then I moved onto these parks.
It was all swings and roundabouts really
removing yeast residue from wooden receptacles involved in the brewing of beer.
Actually these jokes are really scraping the bottom of the barrel now aren't they?
polishing the same jokes over and over again.
The jokes really started wearing thin
but I quit because I was tired of fucking ugly women.
testing the bulbs inside the green man.
But it kept making me cross.