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Some girl touched my willy!
What the funk was that all about?
Never seen her before in my life actually! She just said I was "pretty" and grapped me innapropriately!
she was trying to ascertain whether you were a pretty boy or a pretty girl, crocodile dundee stylee?!!
she didn't actually touch your willy, though?
Still, good to know you're a STUD, eh?
she was a mental
and that was technically sexual assault, why do men never report this?
they do things differently in Wales, when I went to the club with the sticky floor in Cardiff, the rules were no eye contact otherwise someone might try and stick their tongue in your mouth. It was dangerous trying to get served drinks.
then the bar staff would have had to try to snog themselves and cause some sort of contradiction...
it was more using my technique of staring down people who try and get served before you but it was failing abysmally.
I thought that girls always get served first. Did you try popping your tits out at the barman? I bet that would have worked.
you're keeping the conversation on a proper level, dude...
Did you get back alright last night? I hear you're not the best with the whole night bust scenario?
gawd, can you not keep your mind off breasts for one second?!
That really was a genuine Freudian Slip. That rules...
i got to my bed, yes.
should have raped her back
Shocking and disgraceful. I hope your didn't reciprocate...
I hope she washed her hands afterwards!!
It bruised my fingers.
I'm home alone.
I'm a good boy.
That girl was rather outrageous. But my brother was even more so. He told her;
"fair dos, when I'm finished with you, your own mother wouldn't recognise your arsehole."
fucking shit - sorry to change the subject rather - its like being stuck inside the master tapes of Bowie's Low - not a bad thing in itself but after leaving the snowy secludes of Buckinghamshire to find one's self soggy footed and cheek blasted in Dalston one's thoughts turn to the inifinate and inevitable sadness of existence
strikes me as being a bit like complaining that your fish won't fetch a stick when you throw it.
I'll use yours later if I have to...
actually, i'm not sure i want to know what you mean.
Now that's not very nice.
It's happened to me several times. Mind you, that's maybe not such a good measure to go by as I am almost offensively good looking, whereas you...
as I've done nothing but sup ginger wine all xmas which RAAAAAWWWWKSSSS LIKE A FRAT PAAAARRRTTAAY!! and has a distinctive taste
I like to moan about the weather Gurners, now isn't that Ironic???
We'll be in the Old Crabby Whorehouse on Beak Street.
I was going to text you. Come join!
even my unfortunate tales of shenanigans ends up with you lot going out on the lash.
I blame Prole.
your lady ever check out DiS to see what you're spending all your time looking at?!
...but you've got me worried now.
those stroke victims aren't gonna rehabilitate themselves
I'm sure she doesn't she'd have been inspired to dump you or move in with you by now depending on what kinda girl she is!
your girlfriend? If not that's shocking and disgraceful.