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Italy v Spain, 3pm, C4
Iceland v England, 9pm, SyFy
How are people planning to watch the 3pm ko?
might need to peer through geeky neighbours window to watch syfy though.
as last year's Copa America final.
Argentina 0 - 0 Chile (win on penalties)
Ref goes a bit mad, dishes out loads of bookings and reduces both teams to ten men in the first half. Higuain misses a golden chance yet again, as he did in the 2014 and 2015 finals. Alexis Sanchez wins player of the tournament for some reason.
Messi misses a pen in the shootout, cries, and retires from international football - 29 years old, two years from the next world cup. Rumours that players like Mascherano, Aguero, Lavezzi will be quitting amidst calamity at the Argentinian FA.
23 years now since Argentina won a major tournament, leaving this generation of players lacking international silverware. They've finished runners-up in four of the last five Copa finals, as well as the last World Cup.
https://medium.com/@nystyr/lionel-messi-at-the-copa-america-d8ade6b060de#.c0yizfflp - here's a thing i did before the Copa America about Messi
But im feeling post-brexit it hard to get excited or involved in next season
and I'm not exactly feeling good about England after last week's referpocalypse. C'mon you Icelanders.
it would be hilariously bleak and miserable if England lost tonight.
Think Iceland have basically looked like a better and slightly more organised version of Slovakia and Russia. Which doesn't bode well, but even if England don't step up a gear I reckon the luck might change and it'd be enough to sneak a goal tonight.
Not won a knockout match since Sven in 2006, and going back to '96 in the Euros for a knockout triumph
beating a pretty shoddy Spain on penalties after a 0-0?
Cameroon & Belgium weren't really all that in 1990 either. Shit, have England beaten a decent team in a knockout match in the last 50 years?
Paraguay (1986), Belgium (1990), Cameroon (1990), Spain (1996), Denmark (2002) and Ecuador (2006).
and that was a historically glorious 0-0er followed by penalties.
I don't know why people get so cross with how England have done over the years. Leaving aside the two tournaments they hosted, they've only made it past the quarter finals twice ever (and nobody remembers they got to the semi final in 1968 anyway). That's their glass ceiling 90% of the time and has been from the beginning, it's not even like they're a Liverpool that used to be all conquering.
from one of the major footballing nations, historically home to one of the bigger leagues in world football
Six knockout wins in 50 years is stupendously bad. It shouldn't be the acceptable standard.
especially 2002-2006, when we had arguably the best back 4 in the world, two of the best midfielders in the world & a pair of international calibre strikers.
Fair enough in 2002, we got drawn against a very, very good brazil early and ran them closer than anyone else in the tournament, but those 2 losses to Portugal weren't good enough
Otherwise we might have been gloriously beaten by Brazil in the semis instead.
Same in 1998 with that really lazy loss to Romania meaning we got Argentina in the first knockout game.
and we ended up in the same half of the draw as every good team in Europe
Before it was mostly bants, now I'm deadly serious.
Hope it's a Belgium Iceland final
It's England's time.
Plucky Iceland will hold tight for 40 minutes before we sneak one just before HT, with the match finishing 3-0.
has to do with England.
Fwiw I think we'll qualify, but it won't be pretty
You should come to Brussels to watch Belgium win the final
Very Nelson Muntz.
but after this past week, I could not be any more desperate to see England get completely stuffed!
Given that I’d be bloody chuffed for Iceland if they do win.
Too many idiots would be unbearable if we won the competition, so might as well see us go out to plucky little Iceland. Don't begrudge anyone getting behind the lads, it's football rather than politics, but I just couldn't give a shit anymore.
nothing against the team per se or many of the fans, but I couldn't deal with Brexit Hooligans being even more smug (violent) than they already are
so it would cheer me up no end for Iceland to keep doing well
but came here pretty much wanting to say just that
Probably more exciting than tonights meeting http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x84dpa_pj-harvey-bjork-satisfaction_music
Lallana is actually shit. Like, he looks perky and his close control and work rate are really good, but his finishing and final ball are both crap as. At least someone's called Raheem and told him he's great, who's phoned Adam? NO-ONE*.
*maybe Smee has idk
Chuckling at the idea of Lallana asking someone (possibly James Milner) to ring his phone just to check its working
because i massively enjoy all 'Hodgson in the sun with his shades on wandering about looking like the mafia on holiday' photos. We won't get any more of those if england lose today :(
Hodgson channels more of a 'Convict taking advantage of no-extradition laws' vibe imo
Not good at all
some of their players are ok though, yeah
I also slept through Brazil 0-7 Germany
Maybe i should slept through games more often?
I’ve not seen Thomas Muller fight Chuck Norris in Brazil 0-7 Germany.
I’ve seen him fight Chuck Norris in *Brazil 1-7 Germany*.
*goes to sleep*
Cahill absolutely nailed on to get a yellow and be banned for the next round*
*assuming England win
google isn't backing me up though
and they barely seemed to go above his shoulders. We could mock him?
to set it off.
^this if you broadly agree
it's fresh and invigorating as it is.
"Last week the country was *divided* as it decided its future in Europe. Tonight the country is *united* as it seeks a future in Europe. However you feel about the fate of the nation after last week, Roy's investing all he's got in Sterling that, by end of the night, it'll be the opposition who are tendering their resignations. For one night only let's all agree to beLEAVE we can REMAIN in the tournament.
It hasn't always gone England's way when it gets to the knockout stages of the big ones. Some would say it's certainly time for England to take back control. In, out, in or out, whether it's serene progress or shaken all about, England will be seeking to end the night dancing the hokey cokey not regretting the chokey chokey.
This is a young England, a revitalised England. Will they continue to look rejuvenated in the face of a spring in Icelandic steps or will they make the least surprising withdrawal from an Icelandic engagement since Barry Hogan went tits up. Join us to find out after the break..."
"On her 7th studio album, 'Volta', Björk [he'll pronounce it 'Byork' (wrong)] encouraged her listeners to 'Declare Independence'. She probably didn't expect the UK to take so much notice. However you chose to vote on Thursday we're all on the same side tonight, an Army of Smee behind this young England team.
The England team have been oh so quiet so far in this tournament, can they find their voice tonight?
Sigur Ros sing in a made-up language. Join us after the break."
we've got absolutely no cover in the middle. forget he's even playing most of the time.
that's how your mum refers to the DiS social board membership
one point for the italian squad
who let this eejit on a football pitch
jesus christ. fuck it, gj italy.
Murphy: get up, son
Can we lock him and Mark Lawrenson in a room and throw away the key?
Why has that happened?
Spain couldve done with Diego Costa running about biting and spitting and elbowing people in this game
wasting my life on the wrong part of the internet
He should kick the ball more.
I'm a fan of the ball-kicking though, so he could win me round.
how did he know?
Chose to commute home rather than watch in pub.
Great bunch of proper, proper lads.
Pelle > handsome men f.c.
(Apart from exceptionally handsome)
Still got some places to fill. Media reeling from the exclusion of ol' wax face Ronaldo.
I thought they were up until I heard that sound Chellini made when David Silva challenged him.
but with Italy, it's always with a cheeky wink and a bashful smile, and that's just fine.
Couldn't tell if Silva was doing the double forefinger-thumb gesture afterwards ironically. If so, that was really funny.
Boring and the worst cheats.
see how i feel
England 4 Iceland 0
Yeah now no one wants them to win, they're going to absolutely smash it.
Early goal, late goal, maximum bumdinger.
Iceland park the bus.
England huff and puff but can't get past.
Iceland on pens.
Well done everyone.
Defender has the ball facing their own byline, 5 yards from the corner flag and the attacker can't resist fouling them.
"The teams are in the tunnel. Joe Hart is his usual frantic self. "That's what you do Rosey! Up and down all night, yeah! React quickly to everything.
"It's our night!""
Stuck £40 on Iceland to qualify by any means at 4/1.
Rory Delapsson with a great long throw there. Only we could concede from that.
Get it up ya ya BREXIT fuckers
-crap foul by the keeper when they're not gonna score anyway
- accidental handball on the edge of the box
Fingers crossed that the lads DiS-football it to a 6-6 'whats defence?' style slobberknocker now
Hoddle is mad.
And they're not in the EU, so maybe we'll be fine?
Sit on sofa get comfy and 1-1. 34 seconds between goals...
going to get to their "wingers" we may as well put Vardy and Lallana on as full backs
Looped ball to the smallest guy on the pitch... seems legit
Harts left hand is made of cling film
The teams are in the tunnel. Joe Hart is his usual frantic self. "That's what you do Rosey! Up and down all night, yeah! React quickly to everything.
"It's our night!"
We've been really ragged so far. Spesh Sturridge.
But you'd have to have a heart of stone not to find this hilarious.
Hes looking pretty flaky!
kind of want us to win, but at the same time idgaf?
piece, than an actual attempt to win a tournament.
coming up against a defender, sort of dancing about a bit, and then passing it backwards
Gylfi Sigurdsson could help us break down a packed defence.
Oh, hang on....
He plays for Swansea.
I'd forgotten he'd moved
has anyone checked?
but I did learn earlier that around 10% of the population will publish a book at some point in their lives.
They read more books, drink more Coca Cola and live longer than pretty much everyone else. I remember reading a while back that 9% of the total population showed up the last time Metallica played.
they have highest number of bookstores per capita in the world. Big on the old written word, it seems!
VERDICT: Massive racists.
As much as I hate Rooney, he seems to be the only one in there.
Iceland to win 3-1
Interesting how England scythed their way through teams of this calibre during qualifying with Wilshere as holding midfielder
Obviously, because our midfield is shit, Roy's gonna bring on Vardy for Sturridge at half time.
that weren't San Marino?
Made Iceland look very ordinary.
you capitalised on your superiority
Surely much more preferable than making a good fist of it against France or Italy and getting dicked on pens.
Being dicked on in a penalty shoot out in the quarters is exactly the kind of normality we need after this mental week. If we can throw in a couple of borderline refereeing decisions we can whine about for the next two years I might just start to believe that everything is gonna be alright.
That Iceland chant is fucking mint.
You can put as many strikers as you like, but if it's 5 mins of sideways then a ball pinged at Kane's knees, not much is going to happen
Barely even care. Entirely in favour of this nation never getting nice things again tbf.
Where is Billic?????? I miss him
A haggard Andy Townsend has resurfaced.. so a one in one out policy @meths' basement seems to be in effect
if we voted remain.
This is fucking brilliant.
And with 13 fully fit players (only 10 of whom were outfielders). That team was loads of fun.
What a world.
nearly three, there!
Fucking hell, Hoddle.
because you can no longer afford any more beer.
Yep, just think about that for a moment.
we suck so much.
The world has become such a confusing place, Denzy.
What a dickhead.
not to get a red there.
the best thing about realising I'm not even bothered anymore is that I don't mind if we never produce a good homegrown player again.
football is going to be so much less stressful now #BrightBrexit
Even shuts up the fucking band.
Sounds a bit like a steam train
A big angry train that will eat your soul
"Still had to be conceived 30 years ago"
England losing to a nation with population, and footballing mentality, of Stoke.
If England come back from this and win I'll eat a whole pack of digestives in one sitting.
only Englishman who hasn't been complete toilet emoji
Pretty sure Hodgson wasn't expecting there to be much room to run into against the busparkers.
The booing when England have possession
with that crazed icelandic commentator? Can't imagine his chat right now.
remember when I said Joe Hart was good and our full-backs were good?
I am smiling so wrly!
Another former sinner has seen the light!
Actually desperate for Iceland to win.
They need to move the ball quicker'.
Toothless like a baby, but dem sexy sexy possession stats tho.
That was delightful.
shares and dat
"Poor from Rooney"
"Poor from Rooney"
"Poor from Rooney"
"Poor from Rooney"
"Poor from Rooney"
REMEMBER THE NAME
to substitute Rooney.
He's been dogshit for 18months
The ball is pinging off heels, shins and arses.
Takes about three touches to actually control it.
There hasn't been the usual tournament nonsense of players having a cry because they don't like the ball this time has there?
Blooter the ball into the advertising hoardings from 30 yards. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.
England tactic #2:
Chuck self to floor in penalty box. Look at referee hopefully.
put the Iceland chant over it and swap the caterchippilar for Wayne Rooney please.
England - less of a toilet, more of a hastily dug hole in the ground
Played out in a stadium without a roof...
but Kane gets toilet of the tournament award right? Like a Reading Karzai Sunday night
... and conceded 3 goals.
Them hitting us on the break a couple of times and making it properly embarrasing
Us equalising then losing on pens.
And Rooney slipping over and missing
good guys almost make it but defeated at last gasp by a load of racists
Stupid Hart getting in the way again.
shouting his trademark "fuck off!" no doubt, to hurry up the taking of an Icelandic corner :D
iceland deserve this
To take off tbf
30 minutes too late Hodgson.
'The one quality set piece taker in the England side'
to finally kick in.
and go peacefully into the night.
*Corner is short, ball trickles off*
can't wait for the next international tournament where the english commentators will still talk about them being one of the favourites
*vardy doesn't get a touch*
Get it round ye ya bunch of racist xenophobic cretins!
Feel sorry for the young lads.
WEEP, BREXIT DICKS!
Roy Hodgson should just repeat David Cameron's resignation speech tomorrow.
"Take that Alfred the great you saxon cunt"
would take this over England winning the tournament anytime
I'm so happy.
Are crying into their ales rn
Wales getting absolutely munted by Belgium would be the icing on the #FuckBrexit cake.
just happy to support the best footballing nation in the UK
Bet we fucking crushed them!
Rick and Morty double-bill on FX+1, hurray!
of England fans trudging homes dragging plastic furniture.
This match needs to be played on to on the eve of future major tournaments so we get a reality check as a nation that we don't really do football
Hart and Rooney please!
Gabriel Clarke to finish with something about will this put England's young squad in an even better position to win the World Cup in Russia, Wayne??
NEW RULE THAT YOU HAVE TO WIN BY AT LEAST TWO GOALS PLEASE!
hope portugal and italy don't ruin everything
Very much be the corbyn figure here
he might be nice, he might be decent, he might be sincere, he might be right.
But he isnt effective and therefore not what anyone needs.....he should have realised this.
He should be fucking ashamed of himself.
Did the full transformation from gloom, to anger, to malicious glee and gladness that I was there to watch the whole thing. Will be remembered as a key watermark in this country's slide into total clusterfucking meltdown.
there'll be cursory mentions of this underneath the apocalyptic first paragraphs, but Iceland were fucking amazing. You can only beat what's in front of you I know, but how many intelligent interceptions, instinctive blocks and swift turn-overs were in that performance. France got the tougher draw here.
an apparently much more talented footballer off the ball all over the pitch was extraordinary.
EVERYTHING IS FINE
Been on 5Live for years, he's an absolutely impeccable broadcaster who's sadly being sucked into the ITV vortex that claimed Adrian Chiles.
or maybe Ian Wright's making him seem it by contrast
Give them a break.
loads of shit points to focus on, but why the pissing fuck was our centre forward taking the free kicks? I could understand if he was, you know, really good at them, but he sucked.
actually look at this https://twitter.com/GoonerTerje/status/747531019163738112
And I can't help thinking that a lot of Leavers in the crowd and at home are feeling the same abject desolation pro-EU folk felt on Friday morning. Embarrassing ourself in front of Europe hurt a bit? Yeah, we know.
They should do another pizza hut ad like the southgate one, but with the entire squad
It's honestly one of the most brilliant things I've ever seen. England were performance art bad, it looked like some of them had only just grown feet.
it was sort of fascinating to watch
And drifts slowly towards some cliffs or an iceberg. Everyone can see exactly what's going to happen but no-one can do anything about it.
by the spectacle of their total destruction
"we're not slating the players, pete. we're not."
why the fuck not, they were gash
And throw bags of poo at them.
what a time to be alive
this is a perfect evening
and he *never* called *any* parents of dead squaddies.
He must be an absolute wreck.
country tearing eachother apart
lee dixon feasting on the brains of gary neville
Would love to see big Sam on the international stage
Imagine him leading the lads out in Moscow wearing a kozzak hat furiously chewing gum
yeah, yeah. BUT
does Roy replace Hart for the quarter finals??
doing nothing to disprove his status as a sociopathic weirdo with that shirt.
Would be nice if Rooney and Hart did the decent thing and annouced their internatiional retirements as well. Fresh start needed.
But he was pissed.
I've lost it
Probably Walker, for me. Tough one though.
Impossible to explain? Check.
Condescension to foreigners? Check.
Leaves you feeling sick and empty? Check.
Problems for the next 10 years? Check.
This is Brexit for The Sun.
Errrr...IS SHREWBIE IAN WRIGHT?
re: Icelandic commentary
:D The squeal.
Hope it's Robot Wars!
but a humdinger nonetheless I thought.
An awful match that was an absolute joy to watch regardless.
England has gone dystopian
he just doesn't give a fuck
and the world is turning upside down
which seems a bit off.
Seems they can't even do that without resorting to abject cuntery these days.
So smug, so complacent, so England.
No England player managed more. Came on 85th minute.
Memories to last a lifetime.
For those who didn't catch it
the world has literally become Time Trumpet
Albeit one with a bias.
Fuck me though, this is brilliant. Smug twats lose to a team with organisational nous and heart. I know DiS posters don't give a shit about England (bar Smee) but that was awful, awful stuff.
My main regret here is that you didn't beat Iceland and we didn't beat France. Ireland would have destroyed England. Hopefully we both qualify for WC2018 and we get England in the group stages. You'll get fucking hammered and the whole world will love it.
big night for English football