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"Drunk Angus is funny. Drunk Angus is better than sober Angus"
"Drunk Angus is funny until he pisses himself"
today i heard a guy talking about an AWFUL date he went on because he told his date that while he was in london he wanted to visit the shard and she said it would be boring and he said it was an incredible structure and piece of engineering!!@!
That poor woman.
Whenever an ambulance or fire engine drives by with the siren on and you hear a parent say to their young children something like 'Look at the ambulance, kids', expecting them to be excited by this. Someone's life could well be in danger, and this ambulance is racing to try and save them. Does this strike you as a source of entertainment for your children?
other lorries of note
we had a toy bin lorry. It had little bin men figurines with detachable brooms and little plastic wheelie bins that attached to the back of the bin lorry and there was a little handle so you could empty the bins into the back of the lorry.
What does your kid play with? Guns, probably.
Shoots it with his air rifle
By some stereotypically loud nerd towards the woman sat beside him. She was going to an electronic music festival in east London. He was going to a friend's birthday party to give him a homemade present - a hand made puzzle.
But she was really into the puzzle stuff! And they were both in the same area of IT! And they both liked Go! And then he asked her if she liked to play tennis, and she said no, not really, and he said he really liked tennis and played a lot and had a club he went to, and would she like to come along to play tennis? No? OK then.
Then as we're pulling into King's Cross he gives it one final "WELL LET ME KNOW IF YOU CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT THE TENNIS!" and they walk to different doors and they entire carriage is shaking their heads in disbelief at him missing such a wide open goal.
It was worse than football fans, no cocaine shouting or threat of violence that makes it interesting just monosyllabic misogynist banter. One lad complained about his "housemates bird" to someone who'd never met her or his housemate for the full hour while stood next to me
One of the few board games I actually respect tbh
I should've been sat next to her, not tennis twat!
"One of the few board games I actually respect tbh" she'd have just swiped left across your face in front of everyone
Congratulations - you are a bigger penoid than I.
And with that, I yield.
"Cute girl on the train. Are you sure you don't want to play tennis? Please? Man with puzzle"
It became apparent from what she was telling the person on the other end that she'd just been to see a cancer specialist, and it was inoperable. She was remarkably calm about it. I kept thinking about it for days afterwards (and obviously still do).
One of the dull ones who works somewhere without guns and bombs. Keeps making phone calls with his hand over his mouth holding his hands-free thing. Want to mention that that doesn't make everyone around him deaf and I can still hear his piss-boring phone call but I probably won't.
imagine an auditor calling your job dull
Spent a train journey to London looking through the seat gap to watch a guy have a disturbingly shit "filthy" text conversation with a girl he knew (whilst also maintaining another text conversation with his wife/girlfriend). The phrase 'pubic mound' was used.
Isn't it odd all those windows being broken in those flats?
*train pulls away from station*
Oh no, they're not broken are they, it's just a reflection.
there was a woman having a serious business conversation on the phone, with 'Victor'.
she was furious, having put loads of time and 100k into the project, but Victor was totally messing her around. he hadn't put in any money himself, and he'd been using funds to sustain himself. and his offer was simply unacceptable!