As the 0 - 3 Ravens come out of the grudgiest of grudge matches with a narrow win over the Steelers (Mike Vick is setting up a new bloodsport where kickers are made to fight each other to the death as we speak), we face a weekend of thrilling match ups, including the first London game of the season. LONDON BABY!
Jets / Dolphins
The Amish Rifle is fully loaded with with Brandon Marshall on fine form, and if the Miami defence can't live up to its exorbitant price tag, expect Joe Philbin to get left behind in Blighty. Has one of you got a spare room to put him up?
Panthers / Bucs
Cam isn't old enough to get calls, but he's older than Jamesis, who definitely doesn't deserve calls. Bucs could take this, but even if Panthers win and go 4 - 0, it won't change how people think of them (as shabby NFC South pretenders).
Chiefs / Bengals
Andy Dalton is for real! Or at least, AJ Green and a good running game is making him look passable. However it's working, it IS working, and that's the main thing. Will hipster favourites the Chiefs do some damage and make the Bengals bungle? I hope so, if only because I ended up with Alex Smith as my fantasy replacement for Big Ben since some cunt got Dalton off waivers before me.
Jags / Colts
Once a time-honoured whipping, now the Jags are looking frisky (that New England game aside), and the Colts are stinky with a beaten up Luck. They'll probably still win though.
Browns / Chargers
WE WANT JOHNNY!
Packers / Niners
This could get ugly.
Giants / Bills
'Mon the Bills! Tyrod Taylor could make a great 30 for 30 in a few years, they just have to keep it together. The Giants just seem kind of derpy right now, but it's all to play for, and with OBJ around, anything could happen
Raiders / Bears
The Raiders are on the road, and they're the favourites! The Carr/Cooper combo could be for real! The Black and Silver rides again! I hope Chicago stay sucky so the Lions can at least look good compared to someone!
Texans / Falcons
Hey Houston, what happened man? You used to be cool! Their blackhole of QBs doesn't help, but the ascendent Falcons should find this another stepping stone to success.
Eagles / Skins
I love how the Skins had one good match against the Rams and suddenly people were like "Hey, maybe they have something! Now RGIII is out of the picture, they can run the ball, move the sticks, and the D can hold its own". Hmmmmmm. I don't see it. The Eagles are a total WHO KNOWS, and I don't trust Bradford, but there's enough talent that you have to think they can score some points and win it.
Vikings / Broncos
Is it wrong that I want Manning to win the Superbowl and retire? Well, I do.
Rams / Cardinals
I know the Cards are super hot right now, but I don't care. Next!
Lions / Seahawks
Oh no. Oh fuck no. Let's go back to talking about the Cardinals.