Was watching the One Show or some shit once and they had a fucking segment on how to make sandwiches (it was probably national sandwich day or some shit). They sent some roving reporter person to a fancy hotel to learn how they do it for afternoon tea. When the chef was assembling it, he buttered one slice, then the reporter butted in: "Oh, in my house, we do it the proper way, like you're meant to - you only butter one slice of the bread, right?" Thankfully, the chef looked at her like she was insane, and told her, no, they butter both slices of bread like reasonable people.
Have you ever heard of anyone only buttering one slice of bread in a sandwich? Do you practice this sick fuckery? Or, even worse, are you one of those people who don't have ANY butter (or marge), and just use your throwback reptilian gullets to artificially manufacture enough lubrication to squeeze food down your maw.
(If you're lactose intolerant then you get a pass, I suppose).