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Bringing down parts of the live website to change a couple of things without telling anyone.
I never update the location of the physical files either, because someone else will inevitably take it and not update it soon anyway so what's the point?
There have been meetings about increasing compliance with both of these. I did not attend them.
you have to print out emails and put them in a file?
Technically that's the secretaries' job, but of course they don't do it, or do it but fuck it up, so I mostly do it myself. Or don't.
I DO openly flaunt our policy vis a vis using the physical file as the primary file and the electronic file as a backup.
I DO use the electronic file for everything because it's 2015 and I'm not an actual idiot.
(I'm really bored)
Oh right, so if I send you an email calling you a miserable shrew with a face like a bag of smashed arseholes you won't be able to read that, will you? Fuck off.
and push them to the live environment and don't tell anyone in IT or back up the old ones.
I'm not meant to have access and change control is a ball ache.
not meant to have access to that either
Fairly sure Andy Burnham was here earlier as well.
but everyone does that, they make you change them every 30 days for 15 different applications which all want a mix of numbers and symbols.
But for which system?!?!?!?!?!
or if it's one of those even more annoying systems
no need to have a different one then so don't have to remember the requirements
be a lot easier if places stated the password requirements next to the prompt so you remembered if you'd had to pick a longer password/ add a number etc
WINSTANLEY: So, Roscoe and Marlon, I've hired you to overhaul our safety protocols in the offices in light of recent budgetary cutbacks
ROSCOE: Yes we already fucking know
WINSTANLEY: Well, you've been here a week now...
MARLON: Who is this guy, Roscoe, Nostradamus? Heh heh
ROSCOE: You're painfully mistaken in your choice of name, but I can leap and assume what you were going for. I agree, incidentally, with my colleague's attempted message.
WINSTANLEY: Anyway, how about you show me then what you have done in that week.
MARLON: Well Winstanley, I'll let my friend Roscoe field this one, while I go in that corridor and fart
ROSCOE: Yes. The first thing we noticed, Winstanley, is that you've been absolutely sandpaper-shafted by those fire alarm cowboys. You've fallen hook, line and stinker for their scam.
WINSTANLEY: Well you are the experts, despite the fact that I have sacked you several times before for things that would get most people given the electric chair... (look to camera)... in countries that don't even have the death penalty shootout
ROSCOE: To put it in a way a layman would understand -- fire alarm companies scam people with their high-technical jiggery-pokery: sprinkly systems, heathenous electronickal noises, basic mechanisms for detecting smoke and fire. ALL OF WHICH ARE USELESS!!!
WINSTANLEY: (spitting out his monocle) Useless, you say?
MARLON: (from quite a way away in his cubicle) You chuffin' deaf, man?
ROSCOE: Yes. Completely useless. They reel you in with their wanky approved safety technology, just to keep you lining their pockets. Me and Marlon came up with an idea that could save yr company millions
WINSTANLEY: Well colour me delighted
ROSCOE: That is not a colour. It is this sort of idiocy that makes you such an easy target for these swindlemen. Now anyhoo... let me explain to you how we can alert yr staff to fire without the need to spend loadsa money on actual proper equipment
ROSCOE: Marlon! It is time to demonstrate!
(MARLON skips over)
ROSCOE: Ok Winny my old boy, so say there's a fire starts in this room
(MARLON sets a bin on fire)
ROSCOE: Well, you're totes alert in't ya! You can see and smell the fire.
MARLON: But what about yr other staff! I bet you think the only way to spread the word to them is with some poncy alarm system for ponces and the upper-class Davises up in that big city
ROSCOE: Well, our philosophy is...
ROSCOE AND MARLON: FIGHT FIRE WI FIRE
ROSCOE: See, we give every member of staff a can of petrol...
(MARLON pours the petrol around the office, all three stand watching as the fire spreads around the room and around the building)
ROSCOE: Allowing them to alert everyone else of the spread of the fire. The news will spread literally like wildfire
WINSTANLEY: You are fired
WINSTANLEY: Yes, and also you are fired
use my boss' private bathroom
take naps on my boss' chaise longue
come in at half 11 sometimes
While shit is going down (as in national news sized disaster) our council meeting was wasted as they discussed what plants they'd like and whether plants were suitable for an office. In the email to our department asking what plants we'd like I replied "We could all really do with setting aside an hour to discuss this a.s.a.p" and got threatened with a disciplinary. Dickheads.