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Old school cheeky nandos
It'll stink the joint up won't it?
Not because of the bird, just statistically speaking.
He began to shout.
You girls and boys, won't get any toys,
If you don't pull me out.
My beard is black, There's soot in my sack.
My nose is tickly too.
When Santa got stuck up the chimney,
Aaachooo, achoo, achoo.
When Santa got stuck up the chimney
He began to yell
Oh hurry please it's such a squeeze
My sack is stuck as well
Oh dear oh dear it's cold up here
And Rudolph's nose is blue
When Santa got stuck up the chimney
Atchoo! Atchoo! Atchoo!
Only 135 days until Christmas, people!
I was santa. The chimney was a box. I actually got stuck.
Only joking, snap it's neck and have a wank.
now have a wank
and making babies is the best way to get it out but if it has nested you need to call a guy. They'll fly away, then your man will remove the nest and put a cage over the top to stop it coming back and nesting again.
Haven't actually got a fireplace it's just an open bit at the bottom, might risk our lives and just start a fire in there tonight
Seriously don't start a fire unless you're super confident that you're able to - if it's fucked, worse case you'll burn the place down, more likely you'll just fill the room with smoke and ruin all of your soft furnishings.
Can't you just tell the landlord and get a chimney sweep (they still exist) to come and clear it out?
Guess we'll have to do that if it comes to it, useless prick took a literal year to sort our shower out though so I'm not hopeful this would be a particularly dynamic operation.
My parents' house has a fireplace with a stove in it, the pipe comes out of the stove and up the chimney, and there's a wooden board which goes around the pipe and sits at the base of the chimney to stop the whole thing being exposed. One afternoon they had a fire going in the stove, set it down low, went out to do some stuff, then when they came walking back over the fields saw what looked like fireworks of flames and smoke coming out of the chimney of the house. A neighbour had already called the fire brigade, and they came in it out with buckets. Turned out, a bird (bastards!) has been nesting at the top of the chimney during the summer, and gradually, twigs and feathers and so on had been dropping down, landing on top of the board at the base of the chimney. When the stove was lit, the pipe going up through the board got hot, hot enough to ignite the twigs and other kindling, so a fire was burning on top of the wooden board. Another few minutes and the board would have collapsed, spilled onto the carpet and burnt the house down. As it was, it was mostly smoke damage and a good lesson in being really fucking careful with open flames in your house.
Everything old should be removed and replaced with new things instead.
Knock down any building from pre-1995 and start again I say.
through the nest and down the chimney breast.
Ant, assuming it's still alive, what's stopping the bird from falling out into your fireplace?
Don't think it's boarded up or anything. Just a shitload of house plants at the bottom innit.
i'd wake up in the morning and find them flapping back and forth. i had a whale of a time getting them out. A whale I tell thee.
How do you know it's definitely a bird?
Our neighbour knocked on the door really late one night and said she could hear something up the chimney, my bf went over, pulled the board off and a baby squirrel fell out. There were two more stuck up there. She called a local wildlife sanctuary for advice. A man came.
The girl just rang me and said she thinks there's one up there, if it sounds anything like the impression she did on the phone I'm pretty sure it's a bird though, it was extremely accurate.
He dislikes birds at the best of times but when they were "invading" his house? Oh boy. After each one he'd proudly stand guard at the fire for about a week.
Do you have a dog?
He's old and deaf and wouldn't give two shits about a bird in a chimney though, I just miss him is all.
Jab it out