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Here are the contestants:
the one in the hat is going to be the biggest dick.
i wear caps these days, and have no tattoos
but I KNOW I will
The young one isn't emotionally strong enough yet, floods of tears
The eastern european bodybuilder will be all indignant when she gets called out for being shit
I'm going to see hat twat out and about somewhere in Shoreditch at some point and have to resist killing him
Fireman will be the nation's hero and sweep to victory
and that scares me
(Just in case the beardy one jizzes into the old one's creme pat)
"from Cambridge, is a travel photographer and began baking six years ago so his children could have fresh bread to eat"
i.e. - had kids, started shitting it about salt intake, knocked off a couple of loaves, now thinks they're a descendent of Mr Hovis
Stu, 35, Surrey - a professional musician who has toured the world as lead singer of his band, Stu started baking at a young age. He used to watch his parents in the restaurant kitchen they owned and was always amazed by the magic of the oven and "how something liquid could go in and out would come this fluffed-up awesomeness"
I hope he dies in the first episode.
but this guy transcends cunt and I've only seen his picture and read 13 words of what he's said.
(hopefully won't get sucked in it to this series)
Just to smash up my computer monitor
Dorret, 53, Preston - works as an accountant and is a self-confessed foodie
Beheaded in the second episode please.
I just LOVE food
Great British Menu starts today. Professional cooking shoehorned in to a clumsy theme, five nights a week. Bliss.
Can't decide what's more to painful to watch; the definitely natural kitchen conversations or the opinions of the fuckawful judges.
The chinese guy can't seem to differentiate between his mum and the WI.
middle-class twee shite.
Should we have a little round if that? Judging them purely on appearance and sound bite?
I will go for the third woman alphabetically (first name).
Goodjob Stu is out, don't think social media could have coped with the hipster backlash
As someone who has experienced the didn't set mousse/cheesecake I felt for Dorret, I just mixed it up and called it a 'mess' got away with it and all
Paul, prison governor, doesn't have much of a sense if humour does he?
my early moneyis on the one who got star baker last night
My early money is on the anesthetist.
HOWEVER, I did catch the segment on the 6 o'clock news previewing the new series by showing clips from the show around the world.
From the German show: https://www.dropbox.com/s/briggxmgkgdlgj8/2015-08-05%2018.26.09.jpg?dl=0
Throughout my girlfriend was saying "what a cunt. What a cunt. What a cunt," despite the fact that NOTHING he did was in any way cuntish. It's just a hat.
Anybody know the name of his band? I'd Google it, but you know.
I like Ian. He's got a face like a man who was abandoned at the altar.
"We need to mention Flora," after another round where she didn't go anywhere near the baker of the week spot. Dirty thigh-rubber.
Also Prison Paul looks way more like Greg Davies than Paul Hollywood.
but I really don't want to see people crying on TV over a shit cake.
and her face of utter incomprehension and sorrow. Just too much.
"If you freeze frame you can see the point where her heart splits in two"
Hope Sue attempts a "comedy file baked inside a cake" gag every week and he gets progressively more and more upset about her lack of respect for prison security.
He was properly shit tbf, thought just chucking any weird ingredient in made it interesting.
The Jack prison screw is clearly a psychopath, very scary. And not very good.
"Subsource are a British electronic rock band formed in the 2000s. Their current sound is a fusion of dubstep and punk/metal genres and their lyrics have a theme of social commentary."
Felt a bit bad for Marie going like that, but there we go...got to push the boat
Hand making fortune cookies? Nadiya is fast becoming my favourite
Enjoyed the fire engine especially, as it just looked like something you'd make with the kids on a rainy day
i was going to bump my own while he's away
Absolutely hate Flora.
'I discovered biscotti when I was travelling in Italy'
but she's never been to the Sainsburys biscuit aisle.
That and she's one of those 'teach the viewers' contestants who tries to show how much she knows instead of panicking about whether she's put salt or sugar in (like the others).
did she make a baby out of icing or not? We needed a lingering shot on her horrorshow effort to really see what was happening there.
it was like, a quick look at the cake and then they demolished it before we got to be critical and judge her tremendous failure :(
Don't know why everyone didn't make a very big show out of how incredibly weird it was as an idea and how it looked like something from another (extremely unpleasant) dimension. Presumably the production team just didn't want to piss her off 'cause she's both hench and can commune with the Old Ones.
involving lots of Russian baby soldiers sneaking in and stealing all their biscuits.
he won't win though
particularly because it pissed off HollyBerry so much.
here's my memories of when I was a soldier.
all the baddies I shot.
The Daily Mail are here to dredge up any nastiness or misfortunate from his past. What's that? Best man to a murderer. No wonder he suppresses his feelings so much.
Hello Paul's amazing bread lion.
Lot if good bread baking going on wasn't there? Bicycle could have been awful, was great. Same with the luon, enjoyed Hollywood having to be nice about it when he obviously dislikes the other Paul for done reason.
Loving Nadiya and Alvin atm
The bread lion was amazing, if slightly terrifying.
I thought that flowerpot looked pretty average compared with some of the others. Foraging is an overrated art.
Thought it was clean and well-executed.
- Amazing lion head
- Nadiya's snake
- Flora's baguette dress thing
- Alvin's bakery
that contestant Paul sounds like Sean Lock.
like every time she was criticised she was about to break down. I dunno why, but it really irritated me and I was totally happy she got binned off. See ya.
Like Nadiya and Fireman. Don't hate the Scotch lass as much as everyone else.
Think Tamal might be a good bet for the win. Solid.
Can't believe she managed to last three rounds.
This is the bake off ffs, you're in the final ten, practice practice practice.
but then I thought that perhaps there are people who enter BO who don't have either the money or the time to churn out two or three practice runs of everything every week. Knowing a friend of a friend of one of last year's contestants it was pretty obvious he was producing shedloads of stuff from his practice runs.
Like when a swot gets told off for being too knowledgeable or something.
Every single one of them has shit kneading technique and every single one of them underbaked everything. Rookies.
everyone who didn't put water in their oven to steam the crust. It's only a slight exaggeration to say that every single page of Hollywood's books tells you to do that.
I think I hate...all of them? Especially foraging twat star baker. It was better when Paul Hollywood was awkward and horrible, he's too loveable these days.
Paul's clearly a nutter but that adds to the banter.
Not a fan of Flora I have to say, but that's probably more down to my dislike of remarkably confident and self-assured youngsters. She grates with me.
has worked out which flour works best with figs FFS
Yeah something about revelling in youthful precociousness that doesn't sit well with me.
Perfectly aware it's because I hated myself when I was 19 but, still.
clearly angling for a column in the the Waitrose paper
in whimsical baking writing. Although it must be noted she is fucking good.
Y'see this is why I didn't get why everyone was raging about Ruby all those years back. I really liked her because she was actually human - not a self-assured breadbot like ol' Flora.
She was ET in a dress.
Think Flora comes across well. Self-assured but seems nice enough.
It's amazing how unsatisfying it is to hear
"That's very nice". "That's good". "Mm I like that".
!!! WHERE'S THE SHIT ONE?!!
His name's Ian
It's Balonz isn't it.
I found Sue very funny though I have to say. She's a good laugh. Her face when Mary said "blow me!" was lovely stuff.
Absolutely nailed on.
Nadiya keeps mucking up the technical bake
Ian and Tamal for sure.
Not sure I like desserts counting as baking tbh. Makes me really fancy a cheese cake though...which I have always thought were pretty easy not sure how those that did mucked them up
but they give heavier weighting to inventiveness and she nails that part. Like when Frances won it because her signature bakes were daring etc. even though Kimberley was clearly the better all rounder.
we didn't get a good look at the fizzy pop cheesecake tower. really fleeting shots. it looked amazing but I wanted to be able to actually see it for more than a split second.
Imagine getting that on your birthday as a kid. I'd have fucking exploded.
The meringue technical was a bit meh, although a few looked great. Basically, Paul cutting into each one and saying that meringue tastes nice. Of course it does, it's just sugar and egg whites - how wrong can you go?
looked impressive on first glance but it's just meringue ffs. that one that looked like brown polystyrene :|
I meant ian_sausage_myname
wholefoods shitcunts are ten-a-penny in the Cambridge area.
that he'd won some kind of village baking prize?
mrs warn knows someone who lives in that village: no such competition exists.
so his story checks out
fucking fuck the fuck off you fucking fuck
I hope he dies.
He was taken out the back and shot as soon as yesterday's final was broadcast.
I hope you're happy with what you've done to his kids now - they'll never have anyone to push them down the garden zip-wire again.
If I throw a shoulder of pork in the oven, I'm not baking it. OR AM I?
the action of cooking something in an oven or over an open fire...
but I always thought roasting was to do with fat. It is in an oven but you cook whatever in fat.
Perfect for diabetics, eh? Almost as silly as making a "3D" cake
Not too bothered to see Ugne go, although her hair is v lovely.
Ice cream rolls, pretty revolting looking aren't they? but I think we had similar conversation last yr about baked alaska
Very much enjoyed the long shots of Alvin just sitting and looking at his pineapple upside down cake. :D
Amazed Matt survived another week, but Ugne's things just kept falling apart :(
I was expecting Hollywood to rip into him for not using his time effectively.
He looked really irked yesterday, though.
Starting to warm to psychopath screw guy too.
Glad Alvin's gone, he was a bit saccharine.
Glad his performance glossed over Nadiya's poor week
The Technical Challenge is basically pointless and completely unfair, *especially* if as last night it's something they've never even heard of before.
"Well, it's fine, but you've got the fold ALL WRONG."
You mean, that complete guess you forced them to take was somehow wrong?? Ooh, bottom of the class!
I'm going to put the sesame seeds on the inside was beyond stupid.
Both are recipes they've been allowed to prepare at home. One is just... bigger?
Do you see the show stopping after the first bake? No you do not. Fundamentally different rounds.
Can't stand the other one, or when they speak/stand together (which is often).
Mel is awful though. It's all a bit forced since the early series.
Keith Harris and Orville and a load of other puppet freaks and it went from light banter to depressed introspection in the space of about 5 minutes. It was horrible/great.
think i may be at 'that age'
we all watch extra slice right? Great stuff with Jo Brand who clearly has no interest in cakes beyond eating them
Giddy Roy is just an acquired taste.
I think Extra Slice is going off the boil. The cakewrecks bit is and always has been brilliant, but there's not enough of it. Can't be arsed with all the try-hards in the audience. The panellists always seem pointless (You get both Richard Bertinet and Jocky Petrie on and let them say about three sentences between them, wtf?) That said I enjoyed Hal Cruttenden coming on last week with all his faux fanboying of Ugne only to discover that she's as dull as dishwater.
And Jo Brand really is a shit presenter, full stop. And why isn't it on straight after the show?
which means the audience get to see the GBBO first do you think?
Don't mind Jo Brand, she has her thing and she does it.
Presume there is a lot of editing down the chefs, not sure when Andy Murray's Mum became a celebrity though
With you on Jo Brand and her stuff. I just don't think it's enough to make her a decent main presenter.
They're brilliant. Best thing about the whole programme.
but then he got star baker. I like him. Reckon he's prone to fuck ups though, so can't see him in the final three.
Starting to worry that prison Paul might go far. Really don't like him.
gets on my nerves so much. Stop faffing about with amaretti biscuits.
although I can't quite believe she's a teenager
Nice guy, but his time had come.
Really wish Prison Paul would fuck right off.
Tamal and Nadiya bossing it. Great times.
(Would also be happy for Tamal instead).
Prediction: Prison Paul will get booted next week, then Scottish lass. Tamal, Nadiya and Boring Ian for the final.
this all round
I wouldn't mind flora wining but that's not going to happen.
(having correctly guessed Tamal as star baker and Mat's demise).
Hope Tamal wins now
jesus shitting christ
is just becoming more and more the "which was nice" guy from the Fast Show every week. Can't stand the tosser.
Hope Nadiya doesn't turn all serious and start trying to win.
I fucking LOVE pies
pub round the corner from me does amazing pies and it's pie + a pint for a tenner on mondays - monday pie I reckon
Should have been kicked out just for that.
cream horns look not very nice...don't think I've ever has one though...
Enjoyed Floras dripping all over the place, she was lucky Paul was so awful. Even a basic baker would know not to knock all the air out the eggs surely? anyway, goodbye governor - was growing on me I have to say.
Liked the showstopper Nuns all slowly falling and tipping.
Definitely still want Nadiya to win, Tamal a close second
when Melansue said they were really sad about who was leaving. When Flora goes they'll struggle to be nice because she's clearly a knob.
Watched the lecture on bbc2 about erradicating child poverty.
Glad Paul's gone though because a.) he's a screw and b.) he's not good enough.
Really want Tamal to win. Hope Ian has some kind of bladder problems in the final.
he lets his guinea fowl roam free throughout the village!
They ate the FRESHLY LAID SEED on the village green!!!
Dunno what everyone's problem with Ian is. Seems perfectly nice by my reckoning.
less likeable than the other two, but that chocolate well was awesome. I'm #TeamNadiya - her signature bake yesterday sounded delicious and the showstopper looked amazing, plus she's just hilarious generally.
Bets on the Mail having an absolute hissy fit about there being a BBC agenda because only one of the finalists is white?
Just the most consistently impressive baker.
Doubt it. Based on the evidence those 3 have been the best 3 bakers throughout so there's literally no grounds for them to argue that.
That's why folk have an issue with Ian.
but i've been binging on the only series they have on amazon video and i nearly actually pissed myself when that beardy man threw his melted ice cream in the bin and then carried the bin up to the judges for presentation
I can't believe they liked it schtick, annoying.
I'm all about the Tamals.
I love Nadiya
especially her pissy NEVER BAKING AGAIN, then apologising straight away
Tamal is close second though
enjoyed last nights, not sure I could ever be bothered with the time/process/faff he seems to take to make chocolate creations
Daily Mail outdoes itself
They actually suck the fun out of everything completely don't they, right wingers.
when people say the Guardian is just about as bad as the Mail... it really isn't.
Maybe not recently but it was fashionable to say this on these very boards.
Not really sure what the angle is there. Whilst the Guardian and the Mail are both news irritants, the reasons for them being so are incomparable. (i.e. the latter's, y'know, racist 'n' that).
It's just plain wrong. I liked Flora but she was the weakest left in the competition. the chocolate carousel was "deemed sub-standard" because it tasted bad, looked wonky and had a giant crispie-cake for a roof.
Reckon she could have knocked Ian out if her showstopper had been up to scratch.
Nadiya's peacock was stunning.
No matter what you say about that well, he'd basically done all the work before hand. He had fuck all to do on the day. He was fucking shite that week. I thought that they were just supposed to go off what happened THAT week. He was weak as fuck.
Flora was never a worldbeater and would have struggled massively in the final, but rules is rules. She won the blind test and the carousel showed FAR more ability than Ian showed. He had to fucking guess how to do a souffle. She was mugged.
The judges ate it and didn't like it or think the quality of the baking was up to scratch. It's not a construction programme, it's a food-making programme.
Flora didn't know how to make a soufflé either so they both guessed it.
Flora and Ian probably showed as many ups and downs as each other over the course of the series, and in the last programme. Not sure how you can view either of them going as a mugging.
He didn't have to do anything. Pour melted chocolate into moulds and then put it together.
I was under the impression that they were supposed to base their decision on how a contestants did on a particular episode, so I don't follow the argument that how they have done in any previous episode should have any effect on the outcome?
the bits they were supposed to eat tasted good and were skilfully done. Didn't happen with Flora.
It was a tight call but Ian edged it. Could’ve gone the other way. Not sure why you’re analysing it that someone’s been absolutely shafted because they very evidently haven’t.
except Ian also won Star Baker 3 times, showing he was better than her overall.
after his run of Star Bakers he started getting well wobbly though.
Flora did keep on nailing the Technical Challenges during this period. She's got mad skillz. Although week after week Berry kept saying to her to focus more on getting the basics right above all of her additions and she didn't listen - not that she had to like, she can bake how she likes. Undid her in the end but bowing out at the semis is no shame, and I imagine a lucrative career in baking bants awaits her.
Well-made easy thing trumps poorly-made ambitious thing 9 times out of 10 and his well was actually ambitious too, it just didn't need a lot of work on the day.
The carousel sounded barely edible.
It's a single skill but it's a tricky one. Flora tried about 12 things and one of them worked.
And I say this despite really liking Flora and finding Ian slightly irritating. (though less so as the weeks progress)
I liked it when she pointlessly decorated something with macaroons just to show off and they were shit macaroons.
You could tell she was a knob though, when Sue was announcing who was leaving she was really struggling to say anything nice.
She was way in the lead going into the showstopper. Granted, the other two were ahead of them, but she had the upper hand. He goes in, puts together some chocolate lego, grins to fuck then pretends to cry when someone who actually baked something gets thrown out.
She has a real problem with twee biscuits
When mary poked nadiya in the eyes
Something about what she said about never thinking she couldn't do something. Good on her.
When Berry went - I went.
It's always nice when nice people win a contest which celebrates niceness. Triumph over self-doubt is always touching.
Nadiya's just fabulous isn't she.
Paul does carry himself with an air of deep unease in his soul.
Always just seems like a slightly naff pantomime villain act to me.
That and his slightly askance POWER STANCE at the start of every challenge. Season with a touch of well-documented marital problems and you've got a picture of a man not quite comfortable with himself. Probably why prison Paul threw him off. Couldn't handle another BIG MAN in the tent.
Talking to the owner, its sounds like Paul's on-screen persona kind of compensates for him being very shy and reserved off camera
Tamal's showstopper though!
and like a child had done it
obvious she would win. Couldn't believe it was the final and the state of those buns the fella's came up with.
Liked the look of Tamal's final cake, the others didn't look particularly tasty.
looked like Ian was nailed on for a bit, when he won three weeks in a row.
not first round in the series.
sorry jacques. Yeah, completely agree.
No real tension at all. Tamal and Ian went to pieces in the first two challenges tbh.
if not he's king dufus, obvs
when criticising someone that they shouldn't touch and have tear marks down the side.
Front cover of the Metro spoilt it didn't it.
At least Ian didn't win. The Daily Mail must be fuming right now.
the fucking loony left, they do my nut mate
Ooh consume the experience, you are what you make etc etc
Ooh, bloody neocon bollocks, the whole show. Probably won't bother though.
Has done me :DDD
they almost certainly have included quite a few not-very-good bakers in the past solely to improve the diversity of the contestants (and that includes Mr. Twat in the Hat this time), which I guess there might have been a case to complain about if you were a spectacular dullard.
But to complain about Nadiya winning when she's been so far ahead of the competition would be hilarious if it wasn't such unabashed racism just for the sake of it.
And it's not really about just baking, it's about being a fair baker but also being able to handle baking and being fairly entertaining on camera.
selection doesn't have to be entirely meritocratic like, erm, the British education system or the selection of the government.
Nadiya was a deserving contestant, because let's face it she's fucking hilarious too.
Also not how the fucking programme works
1) Paul Hollywood's a twat isn't he?!
2) Mary Berry's great!
That's essentially it.
bit fucking harsh for the non-winners to suffer agonising defeat in front of their family and friends, no?
anyone who can't handle finishing second in a cooking competition while their son has a go on a coconut shy needs to have a serious look at themselves
on grass. Has he not heard of mountain boards???
to be absolutely lashing it down and then a bit later everyone's sitting on the grass and being all happy and stuff. Something not quite right there.
when Mel was like `Ian - bring up your cake!` in the showstopper, and his cake was ALREADY ON THE GINGHAM TABLE.
Dreadful stuff all round.
Hollywood could be Ian's slightly younger brother!
Hollywood (ignoring his hair) looks quite young.
You feel me, warny.
hedonistic clubbing weekends.
Paul is made to look younger by virtue of his well fitting jeans.
Are they the ones from other countries then?
You fucking racist
emotional end, love Nadiya
thoiught her cakes looked the most professional as well, glad they didn't do a lengthy back story VT as those just get a bit dull
As biscuits noted up there, massive continuity error between the lashing rain and the people all enjoying the sunshine...although I suppose the weather can be a bit like that in summer, the ground would still be v wet
also it was raining at the beginning of the four hour bake, then there is the judging and fannying around (all of which is not shown in real time) etc So it could have been five hours after the rains and in fairness I don't think any of you are authorities on the drainage of the setting for the Bake Off, are you?
thought they were on to us for a second!
in the back story bit when he was cooking his kids on his Aga. However... Aga... plus the bit at the end where he baked a cake for the Dalai Lama's birthday fully justifies my description of him as the "which was nice" guy from the Fast Show.
i was jealous of his house/garden/zip wire too
having had one child put his hand on the stove top on xmas eve, I can sadly say that encouraging kids to do stuff on them cold or hot is probably a bit daft - amusing though
I found it, now to start my career as a renowned travel photographer
not least because it's fun to imagine how angry it will have made the people who commented under this article