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Sorry m_w, that thread title's horrendous.
Guardian on 6 of the best Ashes quotes:
5) “All the palaver caused me to burn my toast” :D
watching it live... very sad. First one I won't be going to in many a year as well... very sad.
at the ashes too?
must be a real blow for you.
but that happens all the time anyway so not too sad about that.
I have sky sports this year, might pay to increase my mobile data for the next couple of months so I can watch it on my phone at work
I mean, I love watching cricket when I can, but listening on TMS is almost as good. Especially at work.
Now TV just emailed with a free one day pass to watch the first day after i'd already got to the office.
took me ages to work out why/how your girlfriend would send you a pass to watch the first day when you're at work
presto, free cricket tomorrow
How's the weather in that Cardiff?
No rain forecast...
Win the toss and bowl.
and be 4 down by lunch.
Just need Mitchells Starc, Hazlewood, Johnson and Lyon to do their job now.
(unless you're Nasser Hussain and it's Brisbane in 2002)
i say "unfortunate" now...
Do we reckon the Aussies will pick Marsh or Watson? Probably Watson, which is good for us I reckon as he's on the way out rather than on the way up.
Cue a run-a-ball hundred and 6 wickets for Watson.
you are welcome to join us in the official thread m_w
ENGLAND - 1 Alastair Cook (capt), 2 Adam Lyth, 3 Gary Ballance, 4 Ian Bell, 5 Joe Root, 6 Ben Stokes, 7 Jos Buttler (wk), 8 Moeen Ali, 9 Stuart Broad, 10 Mark Wood, 11 James Anderson, (12 Stuart Binny)
AUSTRALIA - 1 Mitchell Warner, 2 Mitchell Rogers, 3 Mitchell Smith, 4 Mitchell Clarke (capt), 5 Mitchell Voges, 6 Mitchell Watson, 7 Mitchell Haddin (wk), 8 Mitchell Johnson, 9 Mitchell Starc, 10 Mitchell Hazlewood, 11 Mitchell Lyon, (12 Mitchell Binny)
Except Bell and Lyth, really.
If we can get Smith to fall over playing rugby or something that'd be great.
imagine being picked out as the unlikeable member of a team that includes Stuart Broad
Looks like Rooty's going to have to produce the lion's share of the runs as well as all the bants *salutes*
Hope he has a good series but I'm still not convinced.
(and completely ignore the very, very ugly ways he got out against Brave Island Nation).
is pretty much the modern equivalent of Graham Gooch leading a rebel tour to apartheid South Africa. History shall judge him
very pleased with my score of 15/20 but still not feeling it. Aus to retain comfortably (3-1 or 4-1).
Would have thought conditions were perfect for Jimmy to rip through them today and let us set a huge target in the glorious sunshine of the next two days
Possibly a good toss to lose.
starting to err towards 90ish for 3 at lunch.
(Fingers crossed for a completely uneventful first session with England heading to lunch on 72-0.)
(he probably won't even open the bowling)
only 7 knighthoods per session eh.
Ponting's hair: died? transplant?
so I'd go for syrup.
Boycott is whinging, happiness.
Start put back to 11:15? What?
Have the damn ceremony before 11, you clowns. How the hell did you get an Empire?
the hell you say!
This first half hour, this first hour, this first morning, this first day...."
"Is this idiot going to keep wittering on like this forever?" - my girlfriend.
she's right about the wittering, though
Psychological points to Aus already.
Psychological score draw.
They deserve each other.
Where's this 'exiting brand of cricket' England were going to play?
It's Wales ffs you loons
But now I think I loath Lyth.
LBW in 5...4...3...
If he's bowling before lunch on day one, you're already ahead.
But I think they were right to try and get on top of Lyon and not let him settle. It's always a gamble, cause you can lose your wicket, but Clarke will be over the moon if he can have us defending Lyon at one end while his quicks rest.
First hour though, just no need.
Stokes, Root, Buttler, Ali, at least 50 each please.
wouldn't be surprised if some of the slips were out LBW, maybe even the umpire.
is this how he bats for his county? obviously not but...
pile o shit
I always assume it's a wicket because he uses the same cadence for both events.
in his first Ashes Test. His body language doesn't exude feigned bullishness or subservience; he is in the moment, keenly aware of the new task each ball brings.
Joe Root has come out looking like he will take the world on. Survives his first two balls at divine whim alone? The grin, the wag of the bat, the will to strokeplay.
Australia look aggressive but there are holes in the field which can be sought and found. Gary Ballance looks defensive but you never know, he could be not out at tea.
The pitch is poor. The match need not be.
What the crowd would really like to see, though, is Hazlewood and Root in a good, hour-long duel after lunch. It might begin with Hazlewood giving Root a tender rimjob for five to ten minutes, pausing occasionally to paddle him with a stump, before Root applies that grinning mouth of his to an act of sublime fellatio upon Hazlewood's lovely bulging part. Cupping and nuzzling each testicle in turn with gaudy reverence, he would lick around Hazlewood's glans with magnificent gusto and not a little flair. Meanwhile, a third party - perhaps Mitchell Marsh, on as twelfth man - would apply linseed oil to Root's proffered anus, in preparation for the lovemaking to follow. Sure enough, a hyperstimulated Hazlewood should then lay Root on his back athwart the popping, crease, part his legs, making sure to rub his fast bowler's hands up and down the length of his partner's bristle-haired thighs as he does so, and slowly enter him, planting kisses across his mouth, face and torso, settling into a fabulous metronomic rhythm as Root's cock also hardens now - he cannot restrain himself from grasping it and masturbating himself to the point of orgasm - their eyes fix - the crowd gasps, agape - and then it is finished, in a surge of ecstasy that none present shall ever forget.
I wouldn't stand for it.
The man he could trust! What had he done? It was over, damn it, over!
Bell did brilliantly at six when he was last batting for his career. Shift down a place might sort him out. Can't have Lyth, Ballance and Bell all in the top four on current form.
Bairstow in at 5
Bell to fuck off
Averaging under 30 for two years. 33 years old. Bairstow and Hales both having great seasons in the Championship. It's come at an awful time, though. This is not the time to be making changes, really.
He's probably put himself back on the radar, but Bairstow and Hales deserve a chance before him. Not a fan of picking test players on ODI form.
Good to see Johnson going at six an over though.
looks like there are literally 2 people in the crowd at edgbaston. I wanna be retired and spend my life at empty test venues in the rain watching cricket and reading 10000 newspapers every day.
theories here pls...
Ballance is clearly up for the fight today. Great news for England.
but Root looks like he can actually play
than battle through when you're on poor form. Ballance's innings has been superb.
he looked like a pile of shit from first ball to last.
Completely clueless against the short balls, flukey pokes against the full ones
And he scored 59. That's how you get form back when you're out of touch.
Did even better than I thought.
Time to go home.
some sort of curse afflicting englands middle order. it's very hazy though, maybe it never happened? can't see how they can possibly lose from here tbh.
I took 5/1 off a workmate that he'd get 100 before Balance got 50.
bet big etc.
baked beans for dinner til payday for me then.
Well played Gareth Barry
He's motoring now.
I fucking love these two. Both averaging over 55 now.
and not just feel instantly we'll struggle to make 200. Root's become so important to this side, so quickly, it's remarkable.
don't say you weren't phwoarned
best sight in cricket
Sam: "Not sure which game you were watching if you think England were "untroubled" all session - Root was close to getting LBW, Ballance extremely troubled by Johnson from around the wicket, not to mention several edges that didn't carry and look away shots off the handle that narrowly missed fieldsman. England may not have lost a wicket but it was arguably Australia's session - funny how this marvellous game can go like that."
instead of pretending to like pigfoot
by no lesser a judge than umlaut_ampersand
This isn't a cue for more cricket porn m_w.
Come back to me when he's taken a Michelle or two...
I reckon he'll have been a success if England don't manage to belt him out of the attack. Stokes is currently trying to do so. Important few minutes
that could be the turning point
61.6 - Lyon to Stokes, SIX, down the pitch again and this time he's exactly where he needs to be, close to the pitch of the ball but not too close, and he swings freely through the line and launches it high and handsome, over the bowler's head
but that's the third time he's got out in the last over or two of a day. TIGHTEN UP JOSTON.
Ali and the tail swing it about a bit; another 80-100 runs on the board; advantage England.
Johnson, Starc and Hazlewood swing it about a bit; England out for less than 375; advantage Australia.
I wonder how we compare with other sides in this respect?
This cricket-themed version of 'We Didn't Start the Fire' is possible the most embarassing thing I've ever seen.
he's dropped that
Broad is batting awfully isn't he? Even manages to make an off-drive for four look ugly.
he's rolling the ball around on the floor. how does the umpire give that out on the field? he can't see a thing.
But he can't have been sure it was a catch. He should have said so and asked for a replay, not claimed it.
doesn't take a wicket this innings.
I still remember when he was just a massive joke and can't get past it tbh.
Needs to stop thinking about wickets and start thinking about slowing run rates.
It wouldn't surprise me if they give siddle an outing at some point, he's much better at stock end holding and frustrating us.
than have to look at johnson and his facial hair slinging around 0-100.
he's the worst. (and i like siddle)
Johnson to Ali, FOUR, another edge, another boundary! Back over the wicket, full outside off, Moeen threw his hands through the line without much footwork and the thick edge flies wide of the slips
Definitely staying in the side though, particularly if he can take a wicket.
I'm still scared of Steven Binny Smith.
nyaa ha ha hahaaa!
More so than Watson.
frosted of tip
So obviously not out. Makes you cringe thinking how he'd go in an India match sans DRS
that umpires behave differently with and without drs - like if they're not sure themselves they'll tempt a review every now and again? Any figures on accuracy of decisions in India vs drs tests?
There's no real evidence for this conjecture, but it is scientific fact.
and then i could sense joe root crouching over me and pissing himself, i would not be very happy.
Shirt sleeve order
i hear you're a eugenicist now gower?
our bowling lineup has to be the worst it has been in a lonnnnnng time. Nothing much to fear there for the aussies & cant see them taking 20 wickets a match
how about when tredders & jordan played for ali & wood and they failed to bowl out the windies in 130 overs.
Was the sort of thing Aussies take the piss out of the English for doing?
but that must be some of the smartest cricket England have played since 2005 (when Matthew Hayden was turned over the first four Tests from the most feared opener in world cricket to complete nervous wreck by clever bowling and unorthodox field settings).
Would be too much to hope for the same impact with Smith, but that was very, very clever thinking and execution from Bayliss/Fabrace/Cook/Moeen. Great to see.
In the 3rd umpire spot, right there. Nice encouragement for the onfield umpire too.
"Well done mate. you've got that one right."
Strike while the iron's hot and all that.
They'll be fuming.
this was called a "solid platform"
This is absolutely key.
I love stats like this
But this test is looking very winnable right now, don't choke, chokers.
77 of the finest runs a man could smite
Just can't be dropped, which is a pity because who wouldn't like to see his lil face if it happened.
his bowling partnership with Jimmy is excellent.
you're in trouble here
certainly enough evidence that the "Australia are massive favourites" shit that we've been hearing for months was overdone.
What are the odds of an England whitewash?
Let's not get too carried away just yet, hey? Imagine if he wasn't limping, you'd be 3 or 4 down...
I wasn't being entirely serious.
a guy who can't bat coming in at #3
you didn't watch his last innings though, did you?
I just said he looked like shit.
for the record.
Albeit 50 runs later...
The link ends the argument. Go home.
this one might help you:
Will catch up with the highlights later, though. Thanks.
The 61 he made last innings = his total runs from 6 previous innings v Aus and NZ. But he does quite well against India in England and the West Indies B Team.
Do you need a rest? I know your boys are taking a bit of a beating at the moment but it's a long summer... Peter Siddle'll be playing in the next Test. Something to look forward to.
Plays full balls like Eminem and Elton John hugging each other.
Plays short balls by just closing his eyes and hoping, not seen a batsman punch a bouncer away before either, should have been out, technically.
They'll win but heaven forfend they win by a large margin.
can reassess a situation and find negatives that would have seemed ridiculously optimistic 48 hours previous.
For twenty-five days, we torture ourselves.
Give the man a valium or something before the next test jeez
But it's definitely the best counter-attacking batting line-up by a mile. Enjoyable to watch.
Amazing day so far. get to 500 lead by lunch tomorrow and we're golden.
If they continue to go at 5 an over for the rest of the day they'll be 468 ahead.
Would be amazing to be 468 ahead with two days to go though. Have a smash about for the first hour and ask Australia to try and bat out 11 hours.
how Watson changes from cocky gum chewing smartass in the slips, to sadface when he's bowling.
And his face swelled up.
Waft bat, blink twice, shimmy yr shoulders, try to slog a straight one and walk off bowled.
When I come home
Typical England. They'll never learn.
with him and he seems smart, humble and likeable. Never came across at all when he was playing.
see McGrath, (still hate him though) Lillee...
Not Warne though
Telling Dharmasema to stay with the original decision, when there hadn't been an original decision.
[I've decided to mainly talk about the 3rd Umpire. Sorry guys. Good wicket for England at last]
I don't know what that means, but I assume a third umpire fan like you would be all over that.
when they go to the 3rd umpire they can give a soft signal i.e. finger raised. Or they can just do the tv hand signal.
If a soft signal is given i.e OUT, then 3rd umpire has to find definitive proof that it's not out to overturn. if it's just a bit iffy then umpires call.
if no soft signal 3rd umpire has the sole decision.
I think. afaik. maybe.
All your beer tokens on it
he'll bowl better overs than that
Not quite turned into Brearley, but not quite recognisable either
can't fathom why they've left him out of the ashes side.
have now won 2 out of their last 16 Ashes Tests in England. Ouch.
Didn't Butcher win us the last one in 2001?
Also 1 in the last 15.
The Butcher match was the 4th Test of that series funnily enough. Think we've all just blanked out the 5th (needless to say, we got hammered).
usman afzaal nabbing gilchrist in (iirc) his first test over
justin langer getting concussion
ramprakash flattering to deceive
so much to remember
got a test 50, celebrated like he'd won the world cup, hooked the next ball to fine leg and got dropped forever
England would lose 6 or 7 of your home tests this summer. Great to be proved wrong, and that 1-1 is starting to look a lot better too. :D
Or are the Aussies a collection of doddering old failures?
From the coverage yesterday, you'd think that England were the coming force in World cricket, rather than a team who bat Balance at 3, and Australia were a spent force who'd be lucky to slink away from the Oval in 6 weeks with even a drawn match to their name, rather than a team who have some very good players, but got every big moment of the 4 days wrong.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed Shane Watson as much as the next man, but there's been a lot of big talk in the last 24 hours when really Cook losing the toss or Braddin holding the catch from Root on Day 1 could easily have led to a very different game.
I really don't think there's much between the sides. Australia have been massively over-rated and England slightly under-rated (in Tests) leading to the accepted wisdom from press, broadcast and ex-pros being that that Australia have an overwhelmingly better side.
So then England win the first Test and all of a sudden everyone swings way too far the other way and New England are suddenly the Harlem Globetrotters of cricket.
I guess no-one really likes writing the story of A play a bit better than B this time, no need to write off B just yet, they'll probably play better next time.
this time out is that when Australia had one of the greatest Test sides of all time for, ooh, about 15 years, we'd approach each new Ashes series with the press saying "this might be our year!" and Phil Tufnell would match Warne or Chris Lewis was the new Botham or whatever.
Only for all that enthusiasm to die a death by about tea on the first day.
take all the media hype with a pinch of salt, esp. the hyperbolic UK hacks.
I'd like to think that the rest have a little more humility...
who brought their best game to Cardiff. Every bowler made a contribution; I was particularly impressed with Moeen for coming back after being hammered for 17 off an over and trapping Warner in the last over before lunch. He'd been written off prior to the first test in favour of Rashid, but his contribution with both ball and bat was crucial.
There were just a number of factors that all contributed:
- Root's continued exceptional form;
- Some great catching;
- a pitch that frustrated Johnson;
- some sloppy fielding from the Aussies (esp. Haddin);
- the "home" support helped as well.
There were comments/moans that we'd set them up too slow, dry and samey in 2013, but it worked for Anderson and Swann, but didn't result in a great spectacle.
The pitch definitely worked for us in Cardiff, taking some of the pace and bounce out definitely nullified Johnson. People were calling it a poor pitch at the start but it turned into a good match, which is the important thing.
It'd be nice to have a bit of variety just to make a fair(er) contest, but then again it's the Ashes, so...
England scored at over 4 an over! Twice! And created plenty of opportunities with the ball.
Australian bowlers just generally struggle when they have to swing the Dukes ball, just as English bowlers struggle when the ball doesn't swing in Australia and we can't get as much bounce as their quicker bowlers. That's why playing away Tests is more difficult Australia, get over yourselves...
"It's a tough game, that's why it's called Test cricket, not easy cricket."
I'm not one of those complaining about the Cardiff pitch being slow.
40 wickets went in 4 days, and runs came freely too.
My comment was how the rest of the pitches are going to play. Trent Bridge normally offers something for spinners, and the Oval for reverse.. but will there be pace and bounce? Lords was pretty quick I think against NZ and that was a decent test match.
As I've suddenly realised that every team in the world is playing right now other than PBIN (and the other PBINers, the Windies). OK, we're off to play the village burners in a few weeks but can't help feeling left out.
Copyright 2012-2015 Gorkys Inc.
The British media not having an excuse to write loads of 'Bring back Pietersen' headlines.
Don't think he's a 'great' captain, but he's taken a disproportionate amount of stick over the last couple of years from the likes of Botham, Warne and all KP's fanboys in the media, so he deserves the praise he's getting when he nails pretty much every call he made
Some pretty inventive and attacking field positions at times. Makes a change from his normal reactive style.
Obviously easier to take a few punts when you're sitting on 400+in the first innings, but it would be interesting to know if he's always wanted to be a bit more adventurous and was shackled by Flower and Moores or if he's seen the way things are going and had to force himself to keep pace
Another story about nothing no doubt, but hey ho
the reactions from Warne & McGrath indicated it wasn't just speculation.
The casualty list must be quite high: Watson and Haddin (presumably), Swann, Trott (brief comeback notwithstanding)... erm, Simon Kerrigan
BUT WILL REMAIN IN LONDON WITH THE TEAM.
They were basically playing a man short.
If you didn't hear it from cricinfo, anyone fancy guessing how many ashes wickets Watson has taken in England?
so 10 tests,
I'll go for 8 wickets
top allrounding 'Watto'
2 entire wickets.
An infinite number of reliable overs, guaranteed to go for no more than 3 an over, bowled by one of your frontline batsmen is every captain's dream, even if it doesn't produce wickets.
Just a shame that that batsman never scored more than 30 before getting out LBW and wasting a review.
But I would still argue that you'd want your all rounder to take more than one wicket per series, reliable overs notwithstanding.
I think you take what you can with all-rounders. Collingwood didn't take many wickets either, but a reliable extra bowler can keep your wicket-takers fresh and help you bowl a side out that way. There's no stat for that.
he averaged over 40 with the bat, and was our best fielder for a while. If he went an innings or a match without bowling, or went a series without a wicket, it didn't matter because he wasn't picked for his bowling.
Watson averages 35 batting, I'd imagine it's a lot less than that over the lass 2 years or so, so if he isn't going to bowl and take wickets he doesn't warrant a place in the team.
I wouldn't call Collingwood an all-rounder. he was a batsman who could turn his arm over a bit (like a less good batsman version of Root now). Watson isn't good enough to be picked as a batsman, so if he's only bowling 13 overs in a match there's no reason to pick him.
'frontline batsmen' - nope
'infinite number of reliable overs' - nope
who could bowl a bit.
He's played 4 innings batting at no.7 as opposed to 52(!) Test innings as an opener. Just because he's failed repeatedly it's stupid to claim he wasn't being picked primarily as a batsman.
Collingwood's Test average was 40.56.
STOP RUINING MY STAT!
Once you notice it it's incredibly annoying and I can't actually watch him.
It's almost getting that bad with Broad in fact.