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Some of these are so, so brilliant.
SHE'S TALKING ABOUT TEA
'This woman has me tied up in knots. Ironic, Grey'
Seems like a financial mistake. How are they going to turn that into a film sequel?
But once they've filmed the other two they can't go back and film this, can they?
at least you'd think not, but if you can squeeze an extra wodge of cash from telling the same shit story, and simply changing the narrator, then you aren't going to complain. Easy money!
Written from the viewpoint of God
with "grey" thinking about himself in the third person. imagine that was how you actually thought. :D
showing how to read the two books side by side, like for A Feast for Crows and A Dance with Dragons.
'I grab the box and the note and head for my bathroom. I will handle this better from my seat of power.'
of Gilbert Gottfried doing the first book floating around somewhere.
Where can I buy this masterwork pray tell?!?!?!
and in book shops.
From now on, this is how I'm referring to myself.
unless it turns out to be like George-Michael's bit in Arrested Development, season 4 (which I thought was one of the funniest jokes in the entirety of AD, btw)...
for example, a new take on that bit where they're in B&Q (was that a thing? let's assume it was):
I walked into B&Q. Grey, you've got a real eye for a bargain and if you find what you're looking for quick enough, you'll have time to try haggling the checkout person down to a lower price before Total Wipeout comes on. I was in there looking for some reasonably priced paint to cover over the gash (settle down, Grey, you need to concentrate all your mind on frugality!) on the side of my car. Grey, I thought, maybe you shouldn't have tried to park in that really difficult space... maybe you should have looked for a different car park.
But you, whoever you are, reader, can lightly nuzzle a cat's anus if you think I'm going to pay up to FIVE POUNDS for the pay-and-display. I'd rather take my chances with the admittedly overcrowded car park with the honesty box policy.
My whole plan for the day shattered before my eyes, as I gave up on looking for superficial damage on some of B&Q's produce (Grey, you're a suave and frugal old HOUND); I saw that woman with the noted physique from work and a shock of panic struck me down my spine --- Grey, don't forget you have a narrative remit to fulfil --- oh and it felt really erotic like really sensual like an old painting of two naked ladies frolicking about in a pond.
Grey, you need to hide. I'd told her that I was a super rich, big spender capitalist mofo (those exact words; you're such a diction jockey, Grey) instead of the frugal wise investor that I am... Grey, this is what happens when you put all your faith in using Amazon 'Look Inside' to check out PUA manuals.
Before I knew it, though. She was standing in front of me holding a Steel Hex 25 Piece Hexagon Key Set.
"Didn't expect to see you here," she said, looking at me with her eyes like as if I was someone she was looking at, "I thought you paid butlers to pay Google to design robots to do all your DIY."
"Oh I'm just here because..." Grey, get on that thinkin' horse and ride into the wind with a good quick idea, "I'm looking for cool accessories for my dungeon. I'm really into BDSM.... and that *doesn't* stand for Big Deals to Save Money!"
Grey, you know that's a lie.
Later that day, I had to google "competitive deals on complex and labyrinthine carnal dungeons"