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The location, the position, any details you like really.
Asking for thewarn.
Felt sure one or two of your more progressive parents would have told you that they were in a caravan in Bridlington or doing a reverse cowgirl behind a skip in a Gateshead carpark.
(I was born at home in case you hadn't guessed)
but that explains it
My parents, my uncle and I were at dinner there a few years ago when my mother told me. I think my uncle was a bit more put out by hearing it than I was.
No more details but I thought I'd get the thread going.
but I was born 3 weeks premature and looking at the date I was due to be born... that works out pretty much exactly 9 months from my Dad's birthday.
Not sure why but it makes me feel icky.
and your dad licked it all off in the bath
You do the maths.
They'd left my brother with my grandparents so they could go out drinking cause they'd not had any time together since he was born a few years before. They got really drunk before going for a meal and my mum had seafood which is apparently a massive aphrodisiac for her - my dad nailed a load of vodka too and he's a massive balla when he's half cut. So they started having a go of it in the taxi on the way back - mum's got dad's knob out and is mashing it into his open fly - dad can only manage a semi so they're not fully at it, but he's fingerbanging her and warming her up for when they get home. Get in and he's boning her up the stairs, pretty much carrying her up there just with the thrusting of his helmet. They're getting carpet burns, knocking pictures off the wall, sweating like pigs, and dad's just totally slaying that hot puss. Mum's all 'oh don't spunk up me gutter I'm ovulating, just chum on me milkers instead' but dad doesn't hear and he splooges right up her minky. mum waddles to the toilet and tries squeezing it out of her but nine months later i was born
:D :D :D
Really excellent stuff
I can in no way imagine that my mum would allow a man near her, in that way.
I have certainly seen no 'father' in evidence, apart from some blurry picture of a loon with wild hair.
its like he never existed
Which is always nice.
is the phrase i always associate 'boating accident with.
Dates work out almost exactly
Almost certainly the result of a drunken new years eve accident
that is also my name
they've denied it but I think we all know what was soundtracking their sweet, sweet love that night
must have been 'in the pocket'
Well, I'm a cement mixer, a churning urn of burning funk.
Yes, I'm a cement mixer for you, baby, a churning urn of burning funk.
Well, I'm a demolition derby, yes, a hefty hunk of steaming junk.
and you might want to put some loud music on or something
Look, your mum and I, believe me, we did it everywhere. You know, in the lounge, in the hall, behind a large boulder on Hel Vellyn on my birthday. Actually, that is where you were conceived. Well, we just didn’t take precautions. No! No, we were delighted. Well, I mean, at first I was mortified, you know, but, then you were born and we grew to like you. I remember I left a tartan flask up there. One of those very fragile ones with the screw-on cup stroke cap. These days they’re much more resilient. They took the technology from NASA, basically, which is extraordinary. Modern flasks today are directly linked with the Apollo 11 space mission. Hello?
but they don't want to see me!
But I'm pretty sure my unborn child was conceived during a simultaneous orgasm because I remembered it because it was good and then a when my next Period was due I found out I was pregnant! I reckon it was deffo that time because I've read that that can actually help you conceive!
to link your unborn child to this thread?