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Where? When? Why?
some at a campsite somewhere. Big scout pseudo-jamboree thingy.
Toilets literally full of shit, so everyone had started shitting on the floor of the toilet, and on the path through the woods into the toilet block. In clearings. In bushes. Turds everywhere. Fair bit of vommit too.
Southampton Central railway station
The Knights Templar
in the bar next to the Tha Tien pier in Bangkok. decided to have a beer here because we were parched and obviously huge 660ml bottles of Change mean you always need a piss halfway through, so I had to use the toilet. it was of the squat variety, with no light, and had an unidentifiable liquid covering about an inch of the floor. i had flip flops on. think I *may* have needed a poo but obvs couldn't do that in such conditions.
i'll think of you when I'm having a slash.
Take a selfie in there.
was outside the blue mosque in Istanbul. I feel faint just thinking about it.
Closely followed by the bucket in a hut at the top of Mount Sinai.
and an illustrated book about birds
Shit a lot up there but don't get scared
Who needs tp when you've got hands
Half way up that mountain I pissed on a camel (by accident. I thought it was a cluster of rocks, not a herd of sleeping camels, It was pitch black, in my defence. Nearly shat myself when the 'rock' nibbled my ankle and then stood up)
I knew I'd told this story on here before. hehehe. https://drownedinsound.com/community/boards/social/4205048#r4976942
It was a November. It was cold. I was astonishingly hungover. I was in there for an afternoon beer, and needed a shit. If I recall correctly the gents are kind of half outside and in a state of atrocious disrepair. It stank. There was shit and piss everywhere and there was only about 2 strands of bog roll left. Close to breaking point, I just had to go in there and let rip. Was in there for about half an hour (it was one of those). Shivering, stinking. And ultimately with a massive goth outside bashing on the door `You fucking done in there yet mate??`
Never again. Never, ever, again.
They are the best.
from how awful that toilets is/was though. And it was awful.
Hopefully one of the Nottingham lads will back me up.
cant remember so cant back you up. sorry.
to their near mythical status of looking like a post apocalypse film
(I'd forgotten about it)
best: the Ritz
Spoons toilets tend to be quite nice. Tonbridge ones are always pretty kempt when i go in there.
worst: Beijing Zoo (worst place ever to haev to come to terms with squat toilets, smelt like theyd flushed the dead animals down them and left them to rot, awful)
Ulcinj bus station (literally all of them were broken, in the dark, wet toilet seat/floor, stank... i was absolutely dying for a piss but i just could not bring myself to go. had to wait like 3 hours to get to a service station in Albania)
Reading festival long drops on Monday morning (gag)
Corporation in Sheffield has the worst I've ever seen
No locks, good inch of 'water' on the floor, no hand dryers or towels, blocked sink.
and the bogs would already look like they'd been hit by a landslide and a tornado at the same time
in the Corp a good few years ago. Tim Harrington was a mess. Running through the crowd, rubbing his sweaty body all over people. Climbing on the poles and barriers and generally doing this Tim Harrington thing. It got to one point and he decided to run with his mic into the gents, where 2 seconds later he emerged with a look of absolute horror, cupcake dog style.
the ones at Lowestoft library are really awful. for no real reason the whole room is navy blue with some sinister neon lighting. one cubicle, in which someone has always stored something - a highlight being an empty bottle of vodka and some magic the gathering wrappers
it's in Lowestoft...
@D2 or Old Angel, Nottingham
Portugal. On a beach in The Algarve. iirc, the bowl was almost to the point of overflowing and there was a lizard in it
Paris Gard du Nord. Was taking the Eurostar back from a work thing. Sat around waiting when my stomach started to complain about the pizza I'd had for lunch. As I started walking in search for the loos, it took a turn for the worse, and I was gripped by the cold certainty that whether I found a toilet or not, it was going to be showtime in a matter of minutes. Or sooner.
The toilets in Gare du Nord are next to the metro station. I was immediately hit with the smell of piss, shit and vomit. There was a barely coherent guy mostly passed out just past one of the two turnstiles (yes, I had to pay for this privilege, obviously).
Three of the five cubicles had mops placed across the door by the attendants. The first open one I tried had fresh blood pooling on he floor and up one of the walls. The second one merely had fresh blood spatters all over the wall, up to waist height, on two of the walls. I went with that one.
It was around 2 o'clock on a Friday afternoon.
Getting through security afterwards was a laugh too, because I desperately needed round two, so was visibly distressed, sweating and in a huge rush to get through. It was shortly after the Charlie Hebdo thing and I was traveling with a self-described "brown person", so it's a miracle I wasn't pulled aside. A cavity search would not have ended well for the security guards at that point.
but i am still laughing
sorry not sorry
Into a bit of an ordeal.
Had to use the loo on the train as well, ffs. Thought I'd be alright to have a single Pringle and a mouthful of water. Nope. Set me off again.
Sorry, Chunnel workers.
Just to say I had. Didn't even really need to. One for the grandkids.
It wasn't even particularly swanky.
You shat all over your colleague?!
Dirty, dirty bastard
She was so understanding and helpful, too. As soon as we were through the metal detector she was all "just leave your bags and GO!"
She hasn't even taken the piss since, either. I wouldn't have the restraint.
Not necessarily in a cleanliness sense, just structurally: The partitions sort-of start at the knee and end just above the forehead with big gaps around the doors and stuff. The sense of privacy's greatly reduced. Not sure why.
Thinly veiled "GuysHiILiveinAmerica." post but yeah it's always baffled me.
Quarter pounders over here though: magnificent.
This has done me
this happened on several occasions to my daughters whilst in the USA, resulting in them developing a bit of an aversion to public loos.
I mentally go into the chorus of "You make me feel mighty real" by Sylvester when that happens
They had classy porn on the walls.
Worst, aside from festival toilets, was the McDonalds in Venice. I'd only gone in to use the loo, and clearly thousands of tourists had had the same idea, and no one had cleaned in between any of them. It was like a metal circular bowl with no seat, the lock of the door didn't work, and the bog roll was like grease paper.
the bogs in The Mayor of Scaredy Cat Town (they have my little pony wallpaper on the walls. obviously i'm a total pranny for going there though.)
each cubicle was either infested with about ten turds in the loo, or ten spiders, or a variation. It took a while to compromise the least unideal one when needing a poo, although I'm not sure I did.
Best were in this holiday campsite. Every cubicle was clean and they contained a toilet, a shower, a sink and a mirror. Cubicles should always have mirrors in them so you can style your hair in privacy.
Are basically an elaborate water fountain with loads of exotic flowers growing out of them and pretty blue lights. It's really really bizarre.
the mornings where you open each portaloo in a row and immediately shut the door in horror, working your way along until there is something vaguely passable and you go for it.
Worst recent piss was at the harbourside festival in Bristol, the urinals (those open "portaurinal" things) were overflowing, you were rubbish shoulders and backs with pissing men and the piss was dripping down on my shoes.
I had a terrible shit in the Bristol bus station also, they regularly close them for vandalism. If I go in out of desperation I am lucky if a stall is free, and there is often heavy breathing from the others. I suspect the local itinerant population use it for a kip. Such a blessed, blessed relief though if it is 7am and last night's curry wants to pop out to say hello and I am stranded in town with no public toilets open and no cafes open for business. Once I was genuinely considering a shit behind some bins.
People used to write on the walls with their shit.
soak the rough looking blue handtowels in water and throw them up so that they'd stick on the ceiling, and turn into a minging kind of stalactites. If ever one came lose and caught you on the head, you were in trouble.
and you can bet half the time they weren't soaked in water. Fucking animals.
Was that they were right under the stair well and when everyone went through that phase of making 'darts' with a thumbtack, A4 paper and some blu tak you had to run the gauntlet coming out. Had one proper wedged in my skull once.
School was fucking shit.
was fascinating to watch them explode and sttick to the ceiling but probably not very nice for the cleaners on Monday morning.
until at least sixth form, and even that was during lesson time in a part of the school that was barely used. Apparently some parents complained because their kids wouldn't even piss in school, and would avoid drinking water all day so come home dehydrated.
Ever. 12 years of school, no shit
They're mental, it's like walking into a palace or something.
It was one of those trench-style squat toilets, and there was a shit in it. Without doubt the largest shit I've ever seen or even imagined, you could not imagine something like that coming out of an actual person's arse without splitting him in two. Amazingly, it gave off no smell, must have been pretty old. It was all knobbly, blackish brown and just massive, like a basking crocodile.
I stood there looking at it for a moment, spellbound by its incomprehensible length & girth, and then hit the flush button. Water surged down the porcelain trench and just broke against the thing like it was a rocky headland in a storm. It didn't budge an inch.
Lovely place but they're just bonkers.