This is long and pretty gory towards the end, you've been warned. I have an amazing ability to get myself into ridiculous situations and they often end up with me losing all dignity so I have learned to laugh it off. Anyway...
I was in the UK for work last week and was sick as shit. Full on fever, massively swollen glands, etc, etc. Spent most of the week hiding out in my hotel sweating it out and taking way too many over the counter pills. Towards the end of the week I was starting to feel quite a bit better. So when this really hot girl I have been kinda chatting music with invited me to go with her to Bratislava for a couple of concerts I figured I would be dandy by then. That and it was a fantastic concert, few different things going on in the Radio station be live broadcast including a performance of Gaspard De La Nuit, Some Glass, Reich, etc. Good stuff.
Rewinding a little, an unfortunate outcome of my being sick was through the coughing fits and the toilet issues I was having I seemed to have popped a little friend out down below if you know what I mean. Nothing major, little itchy so I went and got some cream on Friday to soothe it down. I applied said cream and everything seemed fine. When I got on my flight home on Friday night though I started to become increasingly uncomfortable in my seat. Just a sort of dull ache setting in in the bottom area. Upon walking around a bit when I got off the flight it disappeared and everything seemed ok. So I go meet this girl and we head to Bratislava on the train first thing on Saturday morning. This is where the problem began.
Sitting on the train, again I was becoming increasingly uncomfortable but this time it was proper sore, like kind of shooting pains. So I am fidgeting away like an idiot and making claims about having slept in a funny position and hurt my back. We get off the train and at this point I am limping, brave face on playing it off as a bit of joke we go about our day. As the day progresses this is just getting worse and worse and I am like WTF is going on here. Nothing seemed a miss down there apart from this sensation of pain when I sat and the limp when I was walking. Concert was great and due to numerous ibuprofen and vast quantities of alcohol I make it through, despite it being seated, and actually enjoy myself but then... We get to the hostel and I have limped pretty badly all the way back and a new stage of something is fucking wrong here has set in. She is pretty concerned for me at this point and is like go lie down, I will find you some tea and pain killers. I go an inspect myself in the bathroom and FUCK my right ass cheek is massively swollen, rock hard, roasting hot and tender to the touch. Huge abscess basically throughout the whole thing and google confirms this is problematic. I have to go to the hospital with her where, get this, the doctor asks her to translate :'D asking me the problem. He gets me to drop them and just goes 'oh shit, call the the surgeon' to the nurse. I don't have my insurance card either and the girl is freaking out at this point. In the end up, I manage to convince them not to have her in the room to translate while they are doing their stuff, that would have been a step too far. They have like 5 other people there though and other patients and stuff are wandering through as I am face down, exposed ass in the air. 'Here will be big big pain' basically goes to town on me with a giant needle squeezing and stabbing. Bandages me up and sends me on my way to spend the 1.5 hour train journey home lying on my side across a few seats feeling like a grade A stupid prick.