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Loads of people on here seem to be getting married/engaged. What made you decide the time and person was right?
in castigating any suggestion that `peer pressure` might have been a factor in their behaviour. And others mock it very cruelly.
We're all susceptible to peer pressure. It's a biological imperative really. And so what?
Which word makes one sound like the biggest wet-end? Cruel or mean?
;) ;) ;)
It's always good when that happens
Yeah, he's a right little cunt.
Mrs Knees dad offered to put up £1000 for us to get married (He comes from very catholic family in Ireland and wanted there to not be any mutterings)
Think that's all the highlights from the other one covered now.
a party before.
Perhaps Dis should club together and offer £1000 for Elaina and Mr Casseroles to get married?
why? everyone likes a party?
whats offensive about having a party?
I really wanted to get married because I wanted us to try out hardest to stay together even if there were times when we might have felt we didn't want to anymore because I know for a fact relationships go through phases and I just wanted to know that my bf was up for trying his hardest too. Then my bf proposed which was lovely but I've since decided that I don't mind if we get married or not because I think we'll try out hardest anyway.
glad you're not offended by my saying that, I obviously don't think that there is any obligation for parents to marry....Im a bastard myself, and I think my mum is morally saintly.
:D Mrs Knees was 6.5 months pregnant at our wedding, but that was fine too :)
but there are some small practical advantages
1) a lovely party (make sure you invite who YOU want to) that everyone can be happy at
2) less hassle from some awkward people
3) I don't have to keep beating off amorous females advances with a shitty stick (cos they can see my ring)
But my opinions on the matter are embarrassingly sixth form politics, so I best keep them to myself, really.
Neither of us were that fussed about marriage. More erring on the side of being `against` it even. Then a few things happened which meant her life was entirely absent of any familial presence/stability so... it's changed her views on what marriage can, and does, mean. And I've adjusted my behaviour accordingly. It'll be odd. The experience of proposing and getting engaged was such a blissful one, I don't think the wedding will top it to be honest! But we'll see.
But yeah several DiS BIG HITTERS (myself not in any way included) are getting all nuptial this year. 'Tis nice.
- been together a long time (9 years)
- own a flat together (so officially we've already committed to 25 years together)
- age feels about right (32 and 35)
- got savings so we can afford it
- been to lots of other people's weddings and had fun
and nod their head
BUT I also think maybe the question was asking more about the internal reasons for marriage specifically
those could be reasons why you might choose to have a baby for example
I was just answering the 'what made you decide the time/person was right' bit.
been doing this on/off thing forever but we lived together for a year and we want to be together all the time and so it makes sense. plus she's the only person i've ever met who's even more impossible than i am so i figured i better hang on to her.
And been together sodding years. So thought why not?
Also, managed to completely surprise her as I'd told her that marriage wasn't that important to me.
Got a little plastic ring in the top of some quality naff flip top rose thing. Extra cheese.
Plus - I'm a nightmare and she's quite good at putting up with me.
formalising the relationship, but without going as far as an actual marriage. Yet. We have a child with another on the way too.
that and getting some le creuset I otherwise couldn't afford
I'm getting married simply because I now can.
I'm getting married simply for the extra £114
If you want to have a nice holiday go ahead and do it, just not sure what it's got to do with a thread about marriage
It's massively important to some people, not the slightest bit relevant to others. It can be a sacred thing to some, and a practical thing to others, or even just a party with free gifts. nobody's reasons are invalid. realising while on holiday in Vegas 'shit, here's a plan, let's get married' is no less valid than spending a tortuous 48 months poring over the details of colour schemes and table plans. Unless of course I am massively missing your hidden point?....
I don't think it's going to make the cut for the sketch show based on feedback here
do a list of the reasons given in this thread and rank them by how 'correct' they are
1. Good cover for serial killing activities
2. Distraction from imminent apocalypse
3. Reaffirms power of patriarchy in face of resurgent moon goddess
you are soooo wrong
wanted to spend life together
wanted to have a big party to celebrate the above
had the time / money / resources to organise said big party so it seemed a good time to do it (more difficult once you’ve had children or if you have no savings etc.)
Personwise, agree with Elaina that ‘getting engaged’ is a proxy for ‘agreeing that you are both committed to being together for the long run and no matter what happens will try hard to make things work’. You don’t have to get married to have that conversation, but it seems a valuable thing to do, especially if you are thinking of having children together (and if one or both of you don’t want children, that’s good to know too). It is a good moment of taking stock in a relationship.
Is that referring to having the conversation, or getting married?
Your first dance to?
By The Velvet UnderGround
is if you invented some interpretive choreographed dance and spent weeks rehearsing it.
I think it could be dance Venetian style
It starts in 3/3 which is perfect for a waltz!
It's both very slow and very short, which is good because the husband had (with good reason) low confidence in his dancing ability. A
Also the line 'when we swing, we hang past right and wrong' makes zero sense/always makes him laugh, which we thought would ease the embarrassment of dancing by ourselves in front of people.
Huey Lewis and the News
Frankie Goes to Hollywood
No one's gonna top that
Quite like Hysteric by the Yeah Yeah Yeahs. She likes Parades Go By by the Magnetic Fields. Our nuclear option is The Past is a Grotesque Animal by Of Montreal, but I don't think I'd have the stamina.
Swear it was someone on here.
but for most people I'm sure it's because it felt like some kind of logical next step.
there's a lot less pressure on couples to do it nowadays, but still plenty of pressure and expectation from older generations.
And it's not about love- obviously that's helpful as a prerequisite, but you can be wildly in love and not marry. Marriage is saying that when things get shit (which they will) that you'll hang on in there, together, and ride out the storm till it passes.
Or get a divorce, so yeah, not sure what marriage really is at all actually.
`Going through a divorce` sounds a lot more punk than `going through a break up`. And like it would elicit more sympathy from people.
Yeah that's why I'm getting married. So I can get divorced.
Given who I'm speaking to. And that a mate came very close to killing himself during his divorce.
I ma so sorry. I posted that totally deadpan pokerface tongue in cheek, and my ntention was to come straight back to say nah, jk rly. and ten I got swamped in a bit of work and forgot, hahahha! I'm sure for many people it is awful and others just dust themselves off, think THAN FUCK I ma out of that, and go off on their merry way.
I rarely meet individuals with thicker skins than myself when it comes to making flippant/banteriffic gags about stuff. I've come a cropper a few times for not remembering other people aren't the same so, I'll still adhere to my self-censorship here (and remain glad that no personal offence was taken!)
Two of my faves. Speaking sense. With a comedy misunderstanding. In a thread that I was otherwise struggling with. Good work, team. bd
And thats coming from a guy terrified of commitment over a fortnight or so. I just find it a sort of flawed and maybe problematic institution that should only be entered by the stupidly in love.
But best of luck to anyone who does it tbh.
you need a ring, a place to propose, it all has to be special these days. My parents can't even remember how they got engaged, it just kind of happened. Then the wedding has a whole fuckload of bollocks - stag night, the dress, the venue, reception, honeymoon. Everyone says they want it simple but "oh you *have* to have a pretty white dress!!!" takes over for every tiny detail.
We just sat down and thought `what do we want from our wedding` and made a list and we're doing all that. My bird's buying her dress off eBay for about £150, to use your example.
We're paying for it all ourselves mind, which helps us evade getting money and thus interference from others (like relatives)
I find a lot of people are guilty of overthinking the reasons not to get married. Not wanting to get married becomes 'a thing'. Just do it or don't do it. Nobody really gives a shit (IMO).
Proposal - did it on a night out the piss
Ring - she picked one a few months later I think
Stag Night - 1 night out on the piss with my mates
The reception/venue - a party
Honeymoon - a holiday
Its what you want to make of it really.
Nah, but that kind of is actually true. The past few months leading up to the proposal felt like a real gear change in the relationship and I was 100% sure he was right for me. I know he always wanted to get married, and was really happy when the law changed to allow him to. I was always quite ambivalent generally, but when I started seriously considering it, it made me feel very happy and I probably got swept up a bit in that. But I don't think there's anything wrong with that. I still feel really happy when I think about it. I'm still really excited about the organising of it. And our engagement party was one of the best nights I've ever had, surrounded by loads of my favourite people in one room, so I imagine a wedding will be like that x 10. We're both really happy living together and we both want to adopt at some point after the wedding so we're both keen to have the same surname as our kids.
In terms of the money side of things, I don't think we were in a financial position to do it then and we're certainly not now (unless I get the job I interviewed for this morning) so I don't think that really factored into it for me. I think we definitely could have waited for our circumstances to be different, but it felt like there was no point delaying it cause we were both so sure.
I was much too young (24). certainly no peer pressure involved - no one else I knew got married until ages later
Divorced now (and alone) - (cue Alanis)
we already had two children so it was more of a family thing than a couple thing
she liked the idea of us all having the same surname
it felt romantic
we wanted a party
it's a ritual which society encourages, and I'm part of that society so not immune to the appeal of it.