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regale me with your stories.
the more it sounds like a subplot from E4's popular teen drama 'Skins', the better
station and purchased some cigarettes with it...or more he stole them and the guy behind the counter was left there in shock.
At my stoner friend's house (6 bedroom house, absolutely massive, all the housemates were complete potheads) around Halloween and they had their drug dealer over and he had this crazy collection of knives on the floor in this big knife bag. Apparently he had them cos he was a chef, hmm. Then we made one of the housemates smoke a bong of catnip and he nearly chundered from it. Woke up the next day with tonsillitis. Good times :/
a friend's neighbour had been given a key and asked to check in at some point in the night. He walked through the front door, saw a friend of mine with a joint in his mouth, bottle of vodka in one hand and a blowtorch in the other clumsily trying to light the joint. The neighbour did a full http://www.gifbin.com/bin/3204840swsw.gif
when the remaining few were gathered in the living room completely smashed, when Will (oh Will!) decided to get a laugh by pretending to hump the host's aged Labrador. Just he started his antics, the hosts parents unexpectedly returned home and walked into the room. We immediately started shouting Will! Will!, which he thought was us chanting his name, so he began accompanying his gyrations by shouting his own name in time to the thrusts.
You've stolen that from sitcoms.
It's one of the few funny stories I've ever had to tell, don't steal this from me now.
Once received an email on Monday morning from my Japanese friend Takuya [subject line of his email: “Takuya”] which said he’d had a great time at our party, but had left his camera in our basement. We didn’t have a basement.
Only realised when I got back home he meant the cupboard under our stairs. Which explained where he’d been for the two hours he was missing from the party. Great guy.
as a TV set, and is appropriately decorated with a mix of antique furniture and cutting-edge designer stuff. We were a nice bunch of kids though so couldn't be expected to do much damage, and his laissez-faire parents were quite happy to let us have parties there.
One night we were all having a great time drinking our Carlsbergs when someone decided to get the party started by putting on a bit of Appetite for Destruction. The host started what can only be described as slam dancing, by himself, in the dining room, when one clumsy bounce took him off his feet, and straight through one of the very expensive dining room chairs, neatly splintering all the legs off. He immediately broke down in tears and started saying he had to hide the evidence or his parents would kill him. We insisted it was fine and the chair could probably be fixed. Eventually he calmed down, and we carried on enjoying ourselves in another room, when through the window we suddenly saw a fleeting figure dashing across the garden. Turns out he had been biding his time and when we weren't looking, he'd grabbed the remains of the chair and decided to dump it over the garden fence in the patch of wooded valley next to the house.
We couldn't catch him, so we ended up in the early hours of the morning, just as it was getting light, scrabbling round through the undergrowth for bits of chair he'd flung away.
what did the parents say when they found out?
Pretty sure it was fine, and what looked to be breaks had just been the struts popping out of place and it was fairly easy to repair.
Literally the kind of party where a postcode is handed out and fuckloads of cars just turned up full of random people. We were all instructed to stay in the garden as it turned out the parents (who were away) were antiques dealers. Needless to say the hordes of random people did not 'stay in the garden' and an incredible amount of probably priceless items in the house got completely fucking trashed (not necessarily intentionally). Police turned up eventually, no idea what happened after or whose house it was.
Was waiting on the stairs to use the bathroom. Some guy comes out of the bathroom and goes 'who are you?' - explained 'sorry not from your school I know x, y, z'. Having conclusively worked out it wasn't my house he was in, he ushered me in to the bathroom to show me something. Apprehensively followed him in, he closes the door behind me, and then motions to it. Hanging from the door is a bright white dressing gown, now adorned which a huge skidmark all the way down it. He seemed suitably pleased with his handiwork.
my friend has a mate that was generally mentally unstable and got very violent when they'd had a drink. would throw bowls full of food and stuff off peoples heads.
one time we took turns to spend time in the house in twos whilst the rest hid in the shed like the episode of brooklyn nine nine when they go on holiday with their boss.
I suppose the one where a chap from my school got drunk on vodka watermelon, and to be fair more than his fair share of absinthe and started throwing up the watermelon which, to drunken teenage eyes looked like blood so we called an ambulance.
In fairness he actually did have alcohol poisoning and spent the night in A&E having his stomach pumped.
and she pinched the keys to a vacant house in Caversham he was supposed to be selling. Dunno if she advertised the party on MySpace or something but hundreds of people turned up and the place got completely totalled. They kicked in walls, ripped out the sinks; one guy got in the loft and put his foot through the ceiling. Must have cost thousands to repair all the damage.
(got into the local red top and mentioned on radio)
Was at my (ex) mate Liam Cranks house (called him L-Crank, obviously) who was rich, and I don't mean parents had two cars rich, I mean superbly rich. His Parents liked to go on cruises as well so always had a chance to party at L-Cranks, at school on a Friday we all waited about 11am for the L-Cranker (basically this was a special signal when he would nod/wink right eye first then left eye and that meant GAME ON) We got Billy Joon (BJ) who was extremely large and somewhat bearded for his age to get the booze, nothing too wild a few bottles of wine each and a paint thinner cider, you know the type I mean :)
This time was a bit different though Alan 'partymeister extraordinaire' Green (Grassy Alan/The snake) had found a catalogue (come on guys it was before www.) that had a load of cool party devices in it, including...wait for it....A BUCKING BRONCO!!! So we used L-Crank's parents credit card (whoops, naughty us) and got 5 of them ordered up for that night. Papers loved it as apparently nobody had ever had that many in one place being used before which was amazing as we all got our picture in the paper.
into the posh part of Southend, there were always people having house parties at their parents massive houses. One image i'll always remember is wandering into the kitchen of one house and seeing my mate Big Andy with a massive joint in his mouth, grinning and pissing into the fridge.
LADS LADS LADS LADS
then had a massive falling out with her best mate after throwing up luminous pink vom into one of her converse
Housemate’s lecturer was knocked out by a friend of ours after continually casting aspersions over his boxing prowess.
Same housemate, while plastered, then climbed out of my bedroom window, over the roof of the house and back into the window on the other side (not sure why, don’t think anyone had questioned his climbing abilities.)
Someone brought round a massive set of club speakers resulting in the neighbours appearing at 3am saying they’d been huddled with their kids in the furthest corner of their house like refugees but still couldn't get any sleep.
Someone fell into a plate glass window resulting in a shitload of blood and glass everywhere.
Two guys wouldn't stop trying to have sex in my bed.
At a party at a flat I used to live in, a load of people were sat on a table.
The leg buckled, and the table collapsed. We all fell off, but my friend started sobbing. I took her in the bathroom and she took off her tights so that I could see the damage (not her vagina). There was a big hole in her calf. A big screw had plunged in and then when she fell foward it ripped out a large chunk of her leg. I was pretty high, but had the presence of mind to calm her down and tell her that it didn't look too bad. Then I stepped outside, barely pulled to, and screamed CAN SOMEONE CALL AN AMUBLANCE CAUSE HER LEG IS FUCKED!!! ITS THE WORST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!!! She lost her shit and basically fainted then.
We then called an ambulance and it came (to take her away for surgery).
Everyone left the party because shit was getting too real, so I tried to get into my bedroom. The door was locked from the inside. I kept knocking on the door, but getting no response. I eventually ended up kicking down the door with my housemate. It took us ages, nothing like in Police Academy.
It turned out that my GF at the time had heard me going into the bathroom (that adjoined my room) with 'some girl', telling her to take down her tights, and loads of 'sex noises' (my friend moaning and blubbering). She had locked the door and text me to tell me to sleep on the couch because we were over.
The next day I found the tights on the floor covered in bits of her leg. My housemate and I cleared it up, whilst dry heaving, then ran down to the wheelie bin to put it in. Then we both threw up outside for ages, and had to clean that up.
Parties are so fun!
they all jumped over a fence and one girl *holds back vomit*... pierced her clit in full 'Lynne, I've stepped on a spiiiiiiike!' fashion. loadsa blood
Once went out and bought every copy of Appetite For Destruction (8) at the Fopp round the corner from my flat to much applause to the dreggs of the house party. That was a mistake.
Used to steal a coffee shop round the corner's pastry delivery frequently as a 5am raid at our house parties. Provided breakfast for everyone. That was a bastard move.
Jimmy Bower tried to name my neighbours recently born son for him at a house party. 'Call him Black, that was my granddaddy's name'
My mate declared he needed a shit and obliged with the requests to 'just do it in your pants right here'. That was a low point.
My flatmates decided bricking my window was a good way to get our attention when I had left my key in the lock and they couldn't get our attention to get in. That was needlessly expensive.
There are probably more.
but an old colleague of mine, who's a big lad, was at a party super high and thought 'i'll light my fart, they're going to all love this'.
So he gets up onto the bed, pull his trousers down, sits down with his legs in the air, lights the lighter, shouts 'watch this!'
And then shits himself.
But I was begin really annoying once so someone sprayed my hair with hairspray, set it on fire then kicked me down the stairs.
I mean, this place was absolutely mental. It was a mix of music school students, uni students and a couple of non-students. We all used to go absolutely mad for it all the time.
We had a house party for my 21st birthday party where I got really shitfaced and stressed out about people not turning up. Some of my flatmate's home town mates were down and one of them persuaded me to eat a whole massive chili, which led to me puking everywhere and having to drink loads of milk to calm my stomach. He then tripped in the kitchen on something and fell through the oven door somehow, breaking glass everywhere.
We had a New Years party where loads of peoples clothes got burnt, someone did a load of 2CB (recreational drug) and woke up covered in blood having fallen through the shower door, broken it and passed out.
There were loads more incidents like that.... I mean it was like a war zone.
A couple of years later I was flicking through Frankie Boyle's biography at a friend's house that he's left out. I opened the book and it was a chapter about him being at Sussex University. Turned out he had lived in the exact same house about 15-20 years before me and described it as a dirty hovel where people used to just get fucked all the time. Nothing had changed.
such as, when a university first year at a third year's house party (thinly veiled I can present myself as having been cool), there was a stoned guy sitting on a sofa who, while staring at a bowl of cat food on the floor, said something like: "If I was a cat... I'd be fucking on that, man."
there was a party at our house; some of the people were smoking in the living room and I think one of my housemates noted that our (apparently slightly fire-safety-obsessed) landlord would get into a Stokey rage if he saw cigarette burns / evidence of smoking on the carpet. In response, our next-door-neighbour conceived and executed the plan of removing the emergency fire blanket, placing it on the floor and using it as a massive ash tray.