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I can't do up buttons on shirt cuffs. they're just beyond my capabilities.
I've had negative reviews from my gf.
how is it possible to do this wrong?
She'd only ever put clothes in a drier and never hung washing outside. She claims you can't hang clothes out in Texas or they fade. I'm not buying it.
how anyone successfully uses one of these things.
I have tried all sorts of clever things but a waiters' friend works the best for me.
I do it so rarely that when I do I always seem to massively fuck it up.
Not so much the right side of my face, but when I'm reaching over to the left side with my right hand I always seem to miss a bit. Or rip part of my face off if I'm wet shaving.
at the moment. #ironic
I can't walk and text at the same time. too difficult.
replying in the right place.
I can't do ANYTHING and not have it look sloppy. clothes, writing, bedding, plating, wrapping, fucksake.
without spilling anything on yourself
And in my over-enthusiasm dribble/spill food everywhere
especially if I'm having dinner out, I never notice myself making a mess but then when the waiter takes the plates away you can see I've spilled stuff everywhere and no one else has
surrounded by veg, sauce and other rubbish.
Its like some depraved fetish party has been taking place on my side of the table only
bafflingly everyone else's bit of the table is clean
I've been maybe twice in my life to places posh enough that the waiter has a little crumb comb thing, and the amount of extra labour they've had to do at my setting has been mortifying =D
I'm permanently between a medium and large, either in a fat or buff way depending on the time of year. it's infuriating.
if clothes sizes followed some kind of universal sizing instead of just making it the fuck up as they go along
"trying things on"
but i find clothes don't actually stay exactly the same size.
jeans will stretch out a little as you wear them, cotton shirts will shink slightly when you wash them
it's a minefield
and it's a cunt buying stuff online
relatedly my Alraune t-shirt fits fucking perfectly. always nervous about ordering band t-shirts but most seem to understand what a good t-shirt is now. last few I've got have been super swell.
a shame no one will ever see it as I rarely wear t-shirts outside the house anymore.
those variables in sizing are variable across different fabrics and different clothing manufacturers
so, unreliable size given + fairly unpredictable future size = confused chris
unpredictable future size =/= poor clothes buying skills
whether that be texting, or talking to someone or anything really. I'll either fuck up the thing i'm trying to do or end up tripping/whacking my elbows into door frames etc. I have to focus absolutely on one or the other.
no way is that simple.
takes me about ten minutes for each arm
10 x 2 = 20 minutes
everyone else can do it, i'm just sat here pushing food at my face
I try and then realise I am back with fork in right hand, American style
Or eating off my knife
cause i load it up real big and push it all to the back of my mouth so half of the fork is in there. she reckons just the prongs are supposed to go in
you're an animal
probably takes me about two weeks to write a simply 900 word piece purely because i procrastinate so much
takes me ages
Some people do it so quickly, how? It takes me ages at the end to extract all of it so it doesn't come out when I sit back down or something. Have I got a bladder problem? Takes me a while to do the buttons up on my jeans as well if they're not zipped
I refuse to believe anyone can put a duvet cover on with ease
Made me feel like a subhuman.
Turn the cover inside out
Put your arms into the cover, one hand in each end corner
Grab two corners of the duvet
Then flick the duvet a few times and it goes on like magic
But now I love it. Might join that vine that plasticniki washes her hams on just so I can demonstrate
I do that quite often. Not with quite the same slapstick panache, more just if I'm drinking and talking I'll lift the glass not quite to my mouth and then pour.
'not bad thanks, how are you'
my brain always malfunctions and won't let me say the correct thing for some reason
Spill it a little EVERY TIME. Especially in work. I always spill my tea a little when carrying it back to my desk and it always goes into my shoe. ALWAYS.
I seem to increasingly look at the floor rather than make eye contact.
Never really did that before. Or maybe I'm becoming more aware of it.
Anyway, I think this also shows I struggle with the simple act of remaining sane.
Is this forum some kind of crèche? Learn to life.
you must be new here
I thought ironing but turns out I just have to iron left handed. I eat left handed too, but can't do any writing/dextrous stuff with it. Weird.
sometimes I 'challenge' myself to cum in less than a few minutes (if I'm in a rush) but then something unsexy will enter my mind like Balonz doing it with a toothbrush. I'm sure most people spend a lot more time masturbating like it's a proper leisure activity but the norm of everyone I've ever spoken to about it is 'it only takes me a couple of minutes', as though taking any longer is a source of ridicule like having a small dick.
to 'bust my nut' over
sometimes it takes ages to find the perfect image or thought
Like, how did I end up in bed with this person? Where did we meet? So I end up spending 10 pre-wank minutes coming up with a plausible backstory for me being with this person, & then it's all over in a couple of minutes.
without worrying about making awkward eye-contact. I'll always look at the person to check they're not looking at me, then I'll look back to check they haven't noticed me looking at them just then, then again to check they hadn't noticed me looking at them just then...
Worst is when someone us staring at you and then you look back and they don't break it off so you have to, you check again and they are still doing it, what is thAt about? I usually put it down to they must be day dreaming but it does not look like it
I just don't bother with names, just talk in someone's general direction
Then (probably unrelated) someone went round the offices taking photos for a chart so we can remember.
I'm just completely absent minded, typical day: will leave the house with no keys/work pass/locker key, probably with my jumper on inside out, shoe laces untied (not alway due to forgetting just don't see the point in doing things that have to be redone), will get to work and in the five minutes after getting a meeting reminder and the meeting completely forget about it, go to canteen for lunch put my food in the microwave and sit with anyone I know, half an hour later they will say 'aren't you eating anything?', will spend the afternoon trying to populate the last three weeks of time sheets I have been putting off by going through my email (363 unread items) and Callander to work out what I have done. Try and find a piece if work I did a month ago that is named book 2.xls and buried 4 levels deep in my Russian doll structured desktop (desktop>new new desk top>new desk top 2> new desktop). Leave, go to the train my platform is on but then forget that it's not necessarily my train and get on the wrong one and end up in farnborough, eventually get to my home station and leave my coat on the train, get home and realise I am locked out
partially spilled 3 drinks on new years eve, then this girl spilled her beer on me which made me feel better but also covered in beer
single duvet - can just about manage
double duvet - fuck off
there's probably no point at all in me posting in this thread, like the ailments thread.
because the alcohol has provided the lubrication necessary for you to complete a fluid transaction and you want to take advantage of that
aldi is different though cos i'm in control of the situation/shopping. i'm talking about customer help desks/ hostels/clinics/that pub where we had the shit breakfast/somewhere where a service is being provided for me. Guess I'm always sober in those places so you might have a point there.
But using the phone is probably the biggest one, and will probably stop me from getting / keeping a job.
I'm rubbish at shoe laces too. And flossing. I have zero dexterity. Doing literally anything for the first time. There's a Japanese language library at uni which I kind of need to visit for my dissertation. But I missed the intro session and so now I'm screwed. Tried to go in once or twice but ended up freaking out as soon as it came in to sight and went home.
Cooking. I'm really bad at that too.
Nail polish. I end up just coating the whole top of my fingers and then remove around the nails because somehow that makes LESS of a mess than trying to apply only to the nails.
Talking to people who aren't my mother.
Being vaguely sensible with money.
I'm quite good at washing up though.
Can someone teach me basic life skills plz? I can do your washing up in return or something kthnx.