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regale me with your scatological stories
Vile. No bog roll so had to wipe my harris with a lottery ticket.
Railway bankings on the way home from school one day. Had been holding it in so badly that I got awful stomach cramps and couldn't make it ten minutes home. had to go down the hill where no-one could see me and wipe with a dock leaf. Shameful.
More specifically in a black bin bag in a tent, at Reading festival.
I have done this exact same thing at the Reading Festival. I also pooed in a small wooded area there and on the way out I trod in someone elses poo. Probably I deserved it.
IN A TENT
GOT ME POOING IN A TENT
some poor, volunteering sod probably had to go into that tent and take my shitty bin bag out :(
at least I had the decency to... tie the bag up and get my boyfriend to dispose of it
and the bag was massive. i didn't want to risk going back in and getting my own poo on me
I've been everywhere, man.
I've been everywhere, man.
Shat the desert's bare, man.
I've breathed the faeceed air, man.
Of shitting I've had my share, man.
I've been everywhere.
that's my lemonade
(not a fetish)
upstairs loo which was secluded, but one of those where anyone can get into the first bit with the sink then there's only one cubicle with a lock. no one really went up there so i often used it as my private poo station but occasionally you'd be in there and hear the door go :(
anyway once I ran up there, at the point of touching cloth. luckily it was empty so i sat down, pooed, aaaaaand OH SHIT NO LOO ROLL. i had nothing with me, not even a cardi i could have discarded so i just had to unlock the door and waddle out with my jeans round my ankles to get some of that horrible green hand paper and wipe my bum, all the while praying that no one walked in on me.
just as i was locking the door again someone came in. CLOSE CALL.
then there was the time i blocked my boyfriend's parents' loo.
you are a great woman
when exploring a derelict cement works. wiped with a safety inspection report from circa 1992,
into a plastic bag. which I then had to carry dangling from my rucksack just as I ran to catch the cargo ferry I was jumping on to get back to the island I was staying on. absolutely true story. My life used to be much more exciting :(
might change my username
I'd had really bad gastric flu but thought I was safe. I wasn't. Showering off poo is surprisingly difficult. Worst thing was my sister was waiting to use the shower after me :/
Theres a beautiful house on the QMC roundabout and I always hated those fuckers with their turrets and shit. Got absolutely blasted one night and shit in their front garden (had to climb the 12ft wall) and about 6 months later it turned out a girl I really liked at college lived there and I used to go round and have tea and stuff. Not weird but a bit of a fucking coincidence.
Toilets tiny and filthy. Suddenly had stomach cramps on the dance floor and knew it was going to be a horrible wet one.
Only cubicle had no lock and was dark. Let rip and it was so loud, and smelt of death. I was clearly ill.
Was trembling as I held the door shut and some wankers kept trying to get in. When I was done I realised there was no loo paper. I was completely fed up.
The floor was covered in piss so there was no way I was gonna get changed out of my undies and se them to wipe. Ended up using my bare free hand to wipe, and then smeared it onto the wall of the cubicle, whilst still battling to keep the door shut.
I was working on the recycle campaign, so had access to the woods, REALLY needed a poo, was about 10 minutes walk from the awful toilets, so I nipped in to the copse as far as I could, and squatted. Halfway through my poo, a security guard came up to me and asked me what I thought I was doing. I told him 'doing a bit of a poo, sorry', and he laughed and told me to turn around. I was in full view of the biggest window ever, in the stately home that they have there, and someone had called through to security to tell them that someone was shitting. Sad times.
explosive diarrhea too
they tore that park down and built a new one shortly after. you do the math.
in the rain
by a hospital
but there was no toilet paper. Searched all my pockets, had nothing but my wallet. Was prepared to use money, but then I remembered I'd stashed a letter from my mother in there to peruse at a later date. Had a quick read, wiped my arse with it.
on a mid-February night, 15 years old, full of alcopops and between Regal cigarettes, off at one end in the darkness while my friends sat around a fire largely built out of plastic at the other.
I was hammered and started spinning out a bit and felt drawn to the toilet mainly for somewhere to sit down without a sleazy man being there, a lapdancer, or both. To my shock there was no lock on the door and no bog roll. For some reason, I did have a shite as often feeling / being sick happens at both ends for me when pissed. I had to stick one leg out to stop people trying to get in (and some were particularly persistent, presumably cocaine related). Then the wiping had to be done with bits of bin bag I tore off from a bin that was in the cubicle as well. The bin bag had all pissy splashback on it which needed to be carefull avoidedl. I then had an awkward half sleep with my head in my hands and my leg sticking straight out until I could pick myself up, leave and sit outside to wait for my mates to finish their shitty lapdances.
I have also had a shit in similar circumstances in a gay club. I think of toilets as a place of solitude. I just want a few minutes to sit, take a shit, consider vomiting, maybe a short nap with my head in my arms to sort myself out. The toilets were impeccable, plenty of toilet roll etc so this worked out great. Then a friend of mine was sent to come and look for me and nearly got kicked out for looking under the cubicles and shouting.
Almost did a shit in the car park of the big Tesco in Royston at 3 in the morning, but I pulled through.
Did it in a carrier bag
Walked down the street in the baking heat and put it in a bin.
blobbed out of his pants leg as he sadly shuffled out in front of everyone. He'd gone 'watch this' and everyone saw him strain and then fart and then his face turned dead worried.
He was off school for 3 months after and then when he came back our form teacher gave us a big speech about how we shouldn't take the piss out of him for shitting himself. Somehow it didn't work and he left school forever shortly after. Poor Dave Dixon :(
Trudging home in some spare tracky bottoms from the changing room lost property.
My MAIN memory of it though are the blobs of poo that he left on the floor as he walked, stepping over people to get out. Perfectly round.
while preparing to vom towards the end of my recent onset of norovirus on an 11 hour flight back from California. You simply can't legislate for both ends at once, can you... Wrapped my boxers up in myriad layers of tissue and stuffed them as far as I could into the bin in the toilet. Definite low point of the worst journey of my life.