Boards

I think it's time to call it quits on this relationship. Your guy has a kink - he like s swinging and porn. The fact that he trusts you enough to talk openly about it (even though you may not agree to it) should not be seen as a negative, nor should you in any way make him feel guilty about it. I'm quite surprised that you being in the sex industry have such a negative reaction to being seen as a sex object and maybe you need to reevaluate why you're in the industry as it's clearly affecting how you see your partner's sexy side? There is nothing wrong with you not wanting to partake in his kinks, but I think that based on this being a new romance you should cut your ties with him and find a more suitable vanilla mate who will love you, just you, with the lights off in missionary.

ROSCOE: Immediately there are a few problems I have with this question. First off, you haven't left a name. How are we to engage with you if we don't even know your name?

MARLON: You could be one of those Greggs Twiter accounts for all we know. And this is an elaborate ruse to get us to buy an BLT

ROSCOE: Or an snausage roll yes, Marlon. BUT MY FINE FEATHERED FRIEND this is not the only issue. She is also saying that she is off to a Swingers party but that they will watch porn at the party. I mean -- I just -- I mean

MARLON: I think these are separate things like he wants her to do the one AND THEN do the other at a different time Roscoe I think Roscoe

ROSCOE: Silence Marly Marl my young rapscallion chum I think I have figured it out and your anti-semitic rambling is just a mere distraction from the lovely gannett that the Greeks would call truth if they spoke modern days English. WHICH IS THAT THING THAT YOU SAID

MARLON: I commend your intellect as I often do

ROSCOE: Anyway, we're only paid by the letter and not by the question so I don't want Sean shafting us financially here so she gets only the one problem dealt with

MARLON: AND I have personal experience with the Swingers party question so I can field that one, old buddy old pal

ROSCOE: Good then I will eat this delicious snausage roll I just orderd from Greggs

(a pause for poignant effect implying to my audience the wider goings-on; just what is REALLY happening here?)

MARLON: So anyway this one time I was invited to a Swingers party myself once

ROSCOE: I don't remember this

MARLON: It was while you thought I was dead because I was dead but I also wasn't or something

ROSCOE: Oh right 'course

MARLON: So anyway, my reaction was one of complete disgust. I was vomiting all over the floor for hours to the point that my brain overheated and actually messed up my anatomical functions like I was crapping out me pores and slashing out carbon dioxide gas and pumping blood just round and around a section of my elbow. I tells ya, Roscoe, I was sickened. The only plus side was that I ran out of vomit and actually sicked up my infected tonsils and appendix which saved the NHS (and therefore the taxpayer) some pennies. But it made me physically ill did the prospect and gave me leprosy

ROSCOE: Really, you can't hate that culture that much. You can't really hate Swingers with such raw ferocity

MARLON: And this, Roscoe (and of course Greggs Twiter advert account) is the lesson I learned about overcoming my prejudice. I thought I would hate the Swingers party and Swingers so much because of my prejudice. Because of my own subjective outlook on the world and people and society. But all it was was prejudice

ROSCOE: I'm either emotionally moved or I need to get this bogie out

MARLON: It was all just prejudice. Because you see I'd seen Vince Vaughn in the trailer for The Internship doing that rubbish jokeg where he insists to that total Melvin that "on the line" means "online" that I thought... I thought prejudicely that every film with Vince Vaughn must be rancid human dog dirt. BUT I WAS WRONG ROSCOE I WAS WRONG BECAUSE IT HAS AN 87% FRESH RATING ON ROTTING POTATOES ROSCOE AND ALSO THE PARTY HAD LOADS OF FOOD LIKE DORITOS AND CHICKEN AND CROUTONS ROSCOE

ROSCOE: So there you go readers, a lesson there about overcoming yr prejudice and trying new things. My ten penneth is that, if your prejudice against Vince Vaughn, you should remember that Albert Hitchcack cast him in Psycho didnt he and he's regarded as one of the best directors so shows what you know anway

Don't deny it.