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Find something more heartwarming than that on the website of the place you grew up in.
Best I've got is man gets tattoo:
And Man suspected of being missing man not missing man, man.
This is the way you talk to the filth.
Still amazed that guy got put on the sex offender's register...
This is the best one: http://www.hertfordshiremercury.co.uk/Gymnast-springs-visit-pupils/story-22977476-detail/story.html
"Danny told the children how he got into gymnastics around the age of nine, the same age as our Year 5 pupils.
"He said if he inspired just one child to get into sport, then it was worthwhile."
(The Oompa Loompa's the tallest one!)