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Thibaut Courtois - Eurostar ticket collector.
HMV assistant manager
wearing a red and white striped apron and one of those little white pork pie hats
fruit seller with a donkey driven cart (along dusty mountainous roads)
second hand car salesman
Swiss Ski Instructor
Chain-club bar supervisor
Regional sales executive for a DIY hardware corporation.
herbalife reseller / bullshit personal trainer
Bit of plumbing, bit of electrical work but mainly carpentry
youth leader at a sunday school
Sainsburys trolley collector
police chief constable
Annoyingly over-familiar waiter at the Leicester Square branch of TGI Fridays
Post Room assistant at British Gas.
Roadie for Status Quo
Looky-looky man on the beach front in Playa De Las Americas
Bouncer duo at a low grade night club in a provincial back-water town.
Children's summer camp entertainer.
Friedel would totally be a fireman
David Beckham impersonator for Splitting Images
is really upset you didn't phrase this as "what footballers would be if they weren't footballers".
Really friendly guy in a music store who still drums in an ageing heavy metal band.
Man who operates "Stop/Go" sign at roadworks.
recently left his job in a museum gift-shop to go backpacking around the Eastern Bloc.
"Private security". Doesn't like to talk about it.
Very good with small children.
Barman in Leicester Square club, one of those who twiddles the bottles around when he's making cocktails.
duty manager at high class city centre restaurant.
Fusion Chef. I can here him yelling 'DARE TO ZLATAN' as he throws some wasabi on a pulled pork slider.
sells double-glazing. Bitter about that missed promotion.
funfair teacup ride operator
Member of Mogwai
Quality control at Mountain Warehouse
Traveling Snake Oil Salesman. Has 3 or 4 families dotted around, and is having an affair with his assistants wife.
at Phones4U surely
Star of Milky Bar adverts
Hands out flyers for bars/nightclubs in Ibiza
"Companion" to the likes of Paul Bowles & William Burroughs in 1950s Tangiers
assembly line worker in the MFO Matrazen mattress factory, Weilheim in Oberbayern.
PhD in applied mathematics
Shoreditch coffee shop shift leader
One of those vicious, sadistic little PE teachers
Can just imagine him jogging alongside a class of year sevens yelling that his dead grandmother could run faster.
front line soldier (banter division)
Low level admin office job which he was kept on at after being a temp - lives for his weekends which he spends in a white shirt at places like tiger tiger, telling girls 'I had a trial with Charlton Athletic once'
Assistant at a Camden headshop (part time)
Head chef at an inner london GBK branch.
Black Panthers bodyguard.
(Pretty much the only current career opportunity for out of work Black Panthers bodyguards these days).
Head of IT department at a sixth form college.
more than likely unemployed
Winemaker/ international playboy.
Oh wait.....(i think he should be a hollywood actor <3)
Supermarket shelf-stacker (part time)
jon o shea - bus conductor
dimitar berbatov - very bitter taxi driver
david de gea - bicycle courier
Tube train driver, moonlighting as a serial killer.
what georgiabeth was to the dodgy pubs thread
thinking it's probably too late in the evening and I'm too on holiday, but you collectively have my disapproval
Kaka - Human Rights lawyer
Patrica Evra - Struggling session musician, probably playing the trumpet.
mid 90s French house producer.
Perennially underachieving social sciences professor. Hundreds of articles in obscure journals but can't get that book published.
Crystal meth dealer
Carphone warehouse salesman
Intern at a new media startup
Organic arable farmer
French hip-hop producer
Daisy age MC fronting Tim Howard's latest project
Recording studio technician
In-house tennis coach at a luxury holiday resort. You've arranged to play golf for the day and booked a tennis lesson for your wife. As you leave her at the court, Pirlo looks you in the eye and, with a sly grin, says "Don't you worry, I take good care of your wife." You're sure he's joking but at the same time it makes you feel slightly uncomfortable and you shoot 100+ over 18 holes as a result. You return to the resort bar after your round and find Pirlo and your wife drinking cocktails and laughing at some private joke. As you approach the table, Pirlo rises from his seat and invites you to sit down, and then says to your wife "OK, see you again tomorrow...and remember what I tell you about the grip, huh?" and winks, before leaving with a very obvious spring in his step. Your holiday dissolves in a welter of suspicion, accusations and denials.
Sous-chef to more glamorous celebrity chef. The guy who makes the kitchen tick and spends his days bawling out his subordinates but deep down has a heart of gold
London to Birmingham Route
Or at least he'd like to
"Manager" of a run down working men's club somewhere in Bolton. Ex-military, saw a lot of shit in the Falklands.
retired investment banker who has recently relocated back to his native Portugal to run a seaside fish restaurant and bar. Disillusioned with his new life, frequently has run-ins with his mainly Angolan staff and is slowly sinking his business into the ground.
Bullish finance minister of a debt-ridden minor Eurozone state.
No-one exactly knows what he did in the recent war, and now it's all being hushed up
that are doing surprisingly well in the Europa league.
Background dancer for Diversity. Secretly resents every second on stage he's not the centre of attention.
Fights bare knuckle boxing matches in the 1920's.
Chimney sweep in the Dickens era.
Second most famous bassist in cult 70s jazz-funk band with a childhood guilt complex for stabbing his neighbour's cat
Works in the Men's Fragrances section at House Of Fraser in Brent Cross.
Makes some extra cash on the side as a female impersonator at an Essex cabaret venue
Call Centre Manager
Bartender at one of those bars that are in the middle of swimming pools.
my most popular thread rendered redundant.
Direct debit and membership and professional development stock and credit administrator