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everyone pulls faces at themselves in the mirror in the toilets in pubs etc don't they, especially when a bit drunk?
I noticed a bit of dry skin on my arm. So, I licked it . Like, quite, elaborately...? Anyway there was a man (I don't know him) sat in the kitchen. He started at me for ages.
In conclusion: sometimes I lick my arm.
I suppose I really meant when no one else is about in them, I don't do it my own bathroom at home really, just when I'm out and about. I'm attracted to the DANGER
Pretended to be shot and crawled about the house dying.
Used to do that all the time as a kid.
Like, think where would be a good vantage point to shoot someone from, what I could jump behind if someone were shooting at me... I haven't fired anything more than an air rifle when I was 10, I've probably just watched too many films.
I'm not a psycho, honest.
or my cat. In fairness the cat does meow back.
whenever I enter an empty room I'll say "I can see you trying to hide"
one of these days it'll pay off big time
As a kid I learned the answer to 12 x 88 in the hope that one day, someone would need the answer and I'd just be able to give it in a flash.
It's never happened, obvs.
in the gents at work. Thankfully because of the double door system, the inner door rattles in the frame when someone pulls open the outer door, giving you the valuable seconds you need to go back to washing your hands in a normal manner.
YOU AND ME
and i'm trying them on with a mirror, and absolutely no one is around, I do a 'holding a guitar' pose. I can't not do it. It's terrible but kind of brilliant.
ALSO: Having milk on the rocks.
I like the fact that it's probably a common thing; though I'm in the probably smaller subsection of people who pretend to be in mega-cerebral post-rock bands
I imagine i'm doing the call-and-answer shouty vocal on a post-rock chorus :D
and I realised I'd forgotten something so threw my arms in the air, then realised there were loads of housing overlooking the park so someone could have easily seen.
was doing a comedy one yesterday in the kitchen, then i realised the window was open and my neighbours were in the garden 😎
Was going MENTAL on the platform at Clapham Junction at some points and JFC it's pretty chilled.
but on my cycle to work every morning I ride past Downing Street. As I do so I nod my head and say good morning to the Prime Minister under my breath. Started off as "morning Gordon", now it's "morning Dave." Hoping it's not "morning Ed" this time next year.
No idea how it started or why I do it, but i've been doing it for so long now that I can't not do it when I cycle past.
The bicycle lanes here are dangerous. You can't daydream. I've taken to mumbling to myself just strings of foul words, like a tourettes case.
Problem is this habit has seeped into other times of my life.. when i'm walking down the street or a supermarket, this strings of obscenities are flying through my brain. Sometimes audible too. The curse of living in a country where a helluva lot of people don't speak English: you vocalise your thoughts more than you should.
I practice it. Like I read a book recently which says chimps smile by pulling their top lip down over their teeth, and I spent ages doing that.
when I stand up, I salute while I flush the toilet.
I also pull faces in the mirror, talk to myself (well, I imagine I'm talking to someone I know in real life) - sometimes repeating parts of what I've just said over and over again in order to get the tone/grammar right - and I make sequenced noises based on a self-diagnosed OCD ritual (e.g. "must repeat EEE 5 times or else the world will explode"). I also make long pointless lists about albums on Word (e.g. CHRONOLOGICAL ORDER OF 80s ALBUMS TO LISTEN TO.doc) sometimes with a pitchfork rating next to it. I'd be horrified if anyone found out.
As if he was the audience on a cooking show.
and other things along its lined that just involved talking to them like they were an audience for things.
I've had a character called Buchwald on the go now for quite some time, he's German and has had a humour bypass
for doing innocuous things. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU JUST CUT IN FRONT OF ME YOU FUCKING FAT CUNT, DIE OF FUCKING HERPES YOU MINGING DICKFUCK.
the latest one is just loudly saying "pleaaaaaaaase" in an old woman's voice. another popular one with me right now is going "HHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU". another good one on the rotation right now is going "FUCK you man, eh will do man eh" in glaswegian accent. it's non stop too, seriously doubt I've went as long as 10 minutes without something like this. should make a vocaroo
I might do one day.
It's fine, though.
stand in front of the tv when i'm watching it or get up every few minutes to go and look at the bookshelf/mirror/kitchen cupboard
I talk out loud to no-one in particular (I swore at a bar of soap and really laid into it for probably two straight minutes the other day); and do a lot of in-character off-the-cuff monologues.
In addition, to this, I sometimes like watching TV while providing a loud wry commentary like Charlie Brooker / Beavis & Butt-Head.
In the shower, I made up a song that I sang in a weird old person voice about a corporate-manufactured fungus that changes peoples' buying habits by making their brains respond to certain specific triggers in their advertisements.
ROSCOE: No, i'm fibbing.
and I recorded
* a Roscoe and Marlon theme tune
* a cop show theme tune
improvising with my voice and a microphone.
Both are basically just me swearing unnecessary and finding that in itself to be really funny
I'm rarely alone, but last time I listened to music and provided beautiful backing vocals, recorded (and deleted) a video of me singing Creep by Radiohead and Teardrop by Massive Attack, and then reading out a guardian article on the Scottish referendum in a newsreader style.
No ad lib stuff though. I make up songs in the shower, like bestselling pop songs, sometimes, and go through my internal karaoke jukebox. But only in like 1/5 showers.