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then fuck off
Step 1, go to the takeway
Step 2, buy beer
Step 3, consume
mustard seeds, cumin seeds, coriander seeds, onions, garlic and ginger paste, turmeric, hot chilli powder, one birds-eye chilli and curry powder fried off and blended into a paste with some yoghurt. Marinade the chicken in that.
Meanwhile. boil about six curry onions for an hour or so with a cinammon stick, some cloves and cardamon pods in the water until the water is pretty much gone, add a tin or two of chopped tomatoes and blend the fuck out of it.
Fry off the marinaded chicken and some more onions, garlic etc, add them to the onion/tomato sauce with a tin or two of chick peas, add some tamarind paste, a bay leaf and salt and pepper and just let it simmer away for ages.
go down the local ruby house and shout 'Oi boss give me your hottest, and I mean Indian hot yeah'
Passed the gf's grandma's hottest homemade chilli sauce test with flying colours. Ain't no fucking with me.
before you fuck off, what are curry onions?
They sell massive bags of them in our local ASDA and they do seem to work better than normal white onions.
You have to buy a shit tonne to have anywhere near enough but boom they taste good.
Up there with leeks in terms of 'why the fuck am I throwing most of this away?' vibes.
dunno where the conditioning came from to throw away all the green bits - they're less flavoursome but still oniony. Just use the lot.
"ludicrous things that upset Dissers" list
spring onions are good
imagine vietnamese food or something without spring onions.
Same with leeks. But you still have to throw away quite a bit. Admit, as vegetables go they're an evolutionary failure.
A bit of a faff but it's entirely worth the effort:
4 large chicken breasts, skinned, each cut into 2-3 pieces at an angle
For the first marinade:
Juice of 2 limes
1 tsp of Kashmiri chilli powder
1 tsp salt
For the second marinade:
50g natural yoghurt
50g double cream
20g/4 cloves garlic, roughly chopped
25g/5cm ginger, roughly chopped
1 tsp garam masala
1 tsp turmeric
3/4 tsp ground cumin
1/2 tsp beetroot powder, for the colour (optional)
For the sauce:
25g/5 cloves garlic, finely crushed
25g/5cm ginger, finely grated
400g tomato pasata (or chopped tomatoes)
1/2 tspn Kashmiri chilli powder
1/2 tsp ground coriander (I used double)
1/2 tspn ground cumin (I used double)
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1/2 tspn garam masala (I used double)
1 tspn desiccated coconut (I used a heaped tablespoon of grated coconut from the freezer)
1 tsp salt
200 ml water
25g cashew nuts
25g pumpkin seeds
2 tbspn boiling water
1 tbspn dried fenugreek leaves
1/2 tsp caster sugar
45 ml double cream
For the garnish:
A pinch of chaat masala
A handful of fresh coriander leaves, roughly chopped
15g/3cm ginger, finely shredded
For the first marinade, mix the lime juice, chilli powder and salt together in a large bowl.
Add the chicken pieces, cover and refrigerate for an hour.
For the second marinade, put all the ingredients (except the nuts, pumpkin seeds and boiling water) into a mini food processor and blend until smooth.
Add this to the marinated chicken and stir well to coat. Cover and put back in the fridge for another four hours.
Preheat the oven to 475F/240C/Gas 9.
Place the chicken on a lightly oiled wire rack over a roasting tin.
Roast for 15-20 minutes, until lightly charred but not cooked through.
While the chicken is cooking, heat the ghee or oil in a heavy-based pan over a medium heat.
Add the garlic and ginger and fry for a minute, then add the tomato passata and simmer for five minutes.
Add all the spices, coconut, salt and 100 ml of the water and simmer for 10 more minutes.
In a mini food processor or pestle and mortar, blend the nuts and pumpkin seeds and boiling water into a paste.
Stir this into the sauce, add the chicken pieces and another 100 ml of water and simmer for 10 minutes or until the chicken is cooked through.
Stir in the fenugreek leaves, sugar and cream and cook for a further two minutes.
Garnish with chopped fresh coriander, chaat masala and finely shredded ginger.
probably will later tho, ta.
1. this is taken from a Rick Stein book
2. however, I found this posted on this person's blog. One of those annoying "here's the recipe, but I did this instead because I think I know better than a professional chef" types. (although, to be fair, she does apologise) http://mrsportlyskitchen.wordpress.com/2013/08/27/butter-chicken/
Don't let me down you slags
Absolutely devastated frankly
(Thanks for the tip though)
It's more of an occasional, proper nice place to go rather than a standard curry house tbf cos it's quite expensive. Won loads of awards. The mustard rabbit is one of the greatest things I have ever eaten.
It was pricier than usual and the food was average. Sell it to me otherwise I'm going to have to refer to it as 'Shit curry for Secret Cinema twats'.
It's just really fucking good curry and they'll make brill adjustments for you and that.
Some it's curry for needy, fussy eaters? Enjoy.
anyone used it?
seems kinda redundant, it doesnt have its own recipe database
When do you use it usually?
literally no idea
Add it 5 minutes before serving. Same with garam masala actually you stupid twats.
Get about 150ml of natural yoghurt. Into the yoghurt put:
- 3tbsp of ground Cumin
- 3tbsp of ground Coriander
- 1tbsp of chilli powder
- 1tbsp of garam masala
- 1tbsp ground black pepper
- 1/2tbsp of crushed cardamom pods
- 1tsp of turmeric
- 1tsp garlic and ginger paste
- 1tsp salt
Mix it all together in a large plastic bowl. Smash chicken into it and stir it around until its fully covered. Marinate for a few hours. Stick in slow cooker on high for 6 hours.
A curry made by adding no oil. Absolutely divine and a piece of piss.
think on Geoff.
but literally you only spend half an hour actually doing stuff. The only difficult thing is crushing the cardamom. Start prepping at 11am. Marinate at 11.30. Run some errands for a couple of hours. Pop in slow cooker at 2pm. Go to the pub. Come home, eat curry.
Think about it.
ignore the bit about washing chicken
get 10 whole peppercorns crush em
get 20 coriander seeds crush em
get 10 cloves and remove the stalk
get the seeds (whilst they are still black) out of 8 cardomen pods
get some cinnamon bark and grate it to a powder (1/2 tbls)
get 3 bay leaves (retrieve them from curry before swallowing curry)
throw the above (aromatics) into some sunflower oil heated in a large wok or similar
fry for short time (1 minute?)
add the 1-1.5 or 2 onions you have thinly sliced earlier
let these seperate and soften/sweat for a while on a low heat
If you want you can also add finely chopped peppers after a couple of minutes.
Chop a load of garlic and ginger (you can mash it up with a mortar and pessel if you have one (salt helps with the grinding)
prepare your powder
1-2 cumin teaspoons (essential)
1 tumeric (pretty important)
1 ground coriander
after onions are really soft add garlic and ginger mix and whack heat up a bit.....be very careful, garlic can catch and brown/burn really quick so maybe you will only need to do this for 30 seconds (depending)
Add the powder and lest it mingle in the oil, stirring it around so there is no powderyness, so its sort of pastey. let this cook/sizzle for a brief time before adding the tin of tomatoes that has been chopped.....gradually changing that the contents of the wok are being fryed into being fry/boiled, then boiled turn down the heat and let it gently cook/thicken.
Now is the time to prepare the veg (parboil small potatoe cubes, carrots etc)
Then add them to the curry, you can add small fresh tomatoes chopped or halved.
I fry up some quorn lumps at this point and also add that (you could use mince if you prefer that)
You could add some lentils that you have cooked or brought ready for eating.
let this go on for a bit occassionally stirring.
Whoops I forgot to add that you may want to season with some stock powder or soy sauce, sup to you.
If you are stirring and you find its caught on the bottom a bit, then work this away and stir it in (it adds to the flavour) i do this deliberately a few times (just a little catching though)
towards the end I add things like tinned chickpeas, or frozen peas or frozen sweetcorn. closer to the end I might add some raisens and or apple chopped (you can use banana or any other veg like courgette too)
right towards the end you can cheekily add a bit of tomato ketchup (if you like sweet curries) and maybe chopped raw radish.
Most important after you take it off the heat, stir in loads of chopped fresh coriander leaf.
Garnish with chopped fresh coriander leaf at the end.
anyway you get the idea, vary this with stuff like using fenugreek, curry leaf, different veg, different seeds, fennel, carroway, mustard seeds and different herbs (coriander and cumin are essential in my opinion though)
or plain yoghurt
if you ever make a book I would suggest it could condensed down however. perhaps just to "do whatever the fuck you want"
its unlikely that people will necessarily have all the things you put in an exact recipe.
it;s a great recipe
tin of tomatoes
ground coriander/garam masala
not the worlds most amazing curry but it's a nice quick meal. add whatever big stuff (chicken, potato, chick pea whatever) you want to that.
why coriander OR garam masala?
I dunno, just don't often mix them. i'm not saying you can't.
I add stock to the tinned tomatoes though, possibly a green chilli, some mustard seeds and curry leaves to the spice paste, and chuck in garam masala near the end.
but it's bullshit. I've never seen more than about 2 curry recipes that ask for you to do that.
Sprinkle it on at the end if you want though, sure.
does that help?
fry chicken in a couple of tablespoons of bought or created thai red paste
once chickens browned off add a 400g tin of coconut milk
add diced butternut squash and sweet potatoe
simmer for 15
add diced mango - simmer for a few more minutes
meanwhile par boil then light fry some basmati rice - grate on a little orange zest.
chop some good quality small tomatoes, cucumber, and add coconut flakes to serve on the side.
A proper curry takes two days.
that I made on Monday.
Gonna eat the fuck out of that later
spice it up and it's lovely. lots of potato so you can have it on it's own or just with a naan if you want. It's healthy too.