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Should I have married a girl who was perfectly nice and in love with me? I broke up with her because I didn't love her, but surely having a loveless marriage where you like someone is better than dying alone in a bedsit and having your body discovered after a few weeks when the smell gets too bad?
Of course, having someone who you though you did love tell you to go jump under a train isn't perhaps helpful in the circumstances, but still.
So it's not a choice of marrying anyone in case you die alone is it? Don't worry, in the long run you did the right thing for both of you from a myriad of perspectives.
The opposite is true for me actually, commitment issues in abundance over here, would happily live completely alone.
I'm always really suspicious of people that HAVE to be in relationships at all times. It's weird.
Can't even remember what it's like
kinda accepted I'm going to be single forever, quite liberating id recommend it
Missing a specific person can be absolutely horrible, don't get me wrong, but being single as opposed to being in a relationship isn't too bad in itself really is it? I'd never want to be in a relationship just for the sake of not being single. That's mental.
and hate both as well
such is the enigma of douchebag
the combination of someone wanting to go out with me and me wanting to go out with them is unlikely to ever be achieved. mainly the first part I guess
he was called creepy joe not sadsack joe
I've always liked this HST quote
“We are all alone, born alone, die alone, and -- in spite of True Romance magazines -- we shall all someday look back on our lives and see that, in spite of our company, we were alone the whole way. I do not say lonely -- at least, not all the time -- but essentially, and finally, alone. This is what makes your self-respect so important, and I don't see how you can respect yourself if you must look in the hearts and minds of others for your happiness.”
I have a way to go to get there. Like most people.
His repellence was very well-rounded
I can sit in my pants and listen to rock and be awesome
Which is why I went and got a lovely girlfriend. Now I couldn't be happier. You should try it.
I had a lovely girlfriend for a couple of years and couldn't have been happier, but we decided to split up and be friends instead. What do I try next? Please advise as to next step.
P.S. More importantly, can you recommend me a better browser that Chrome on which to peruse the popular music website Drowned in Sound?
I'm sorry to hear about your loss. As to next steps, all you have to do is simply find a better, sexier girlfriend.
Warm regards, eltham
P.S. It depends on your device and operating system, but Firefox is pretty solid.
Liked the "warm regards" though. Nice touch.
it's like taking a break from your own neuroses and that. your mind is nice and empty and you're just enjoying the other person speaking and being themselves, etc.
And it's really hard to hide it.
it's so peaceful.
I'd get a pet if I wanted that sort of dull autopilot domestic companionship
from the other side, you mean.
it's give and take, though. you think and talk for a bit. okay, now I'll do some of that. etc.
I've never been in a relationship for more than a couple of weeks, and I've grown to appreciate the freedom that comes with it. That said, there are he occasional times where it gets lonely, and I feel like I should be in a relationship, but I think that's mostly due to my own personal insecurities, so meh.
work in progress
already had an infinite times more sex than in my last relationship
which is lucky, cause i think it's gonna be quite a long time before i once again chance upon someone who embodies the elusive combo of being really awesome + not annoying + hot + good at sex + good at conversation + fancies me + does not fine me annoying. that's quite a lot of things for one person to manage. i don't like very many people very much.
am attempting to offset it with, um, something not unlike polyamory
think I might be broken?
met someone nice, fun & super smart last week, gonna see them again this. neither of us want or are ready for a relationship, and both of us are or plan to be dating others
fingers crossed i don't lose my mind!
Find it hard to make a connection, and then only three times I thought I had one, I screwed them up.
Anyway, I have tv shows and films at least.
way too much hard work. But I hate feeling like I'm going to die alone. Its a real dilemma.
when you have someone you fancy and they fancy you but you're not really responsible for each other yet. It'd be good if that bit could just last forever
put your names in a hat and pull them out
+ No-one ever has a go at me for not tidying it.
having a best friend who you can do things with and is really good and also wants to have sex with you is the best thing in the world
you should all meet more people
You have become that sort of DiS poster. I've never seen you do this before. :)
love sophia cherry posts about lurve
anyone who says otherwise is just jealous
Sure I am not alone in taking an instant dislike to a good half of the people I meet, so the chances of someone being both a best friend candidate and somebody one genuinely fancies are pretty damn low on the face of it.
that makes you dislike perfectly reasonable people. Until you do that, yeah, you'll probably be alone, more likely than not.
you need to get to a stage where your defaults aren't just 'like/dislike' but 'like/unaffected and don't care/dislike for a genuine reason okay lets move on from that'
I only actively 'dislike' about 10% of that half the people I meet, because I'm not a complete prat. However I passively 'dislike' (i.e. am completely indifferent) towards lots of other people. That's what I meant.
Either way the main point was that the combination of best friend + somebody you really fancy is actually pretty rare isn't it?
yeah, it's very rare. But you might only need it to happen once. And pretty much everyone I know has had it happen at least once by the time they're 30-odd. So in that respect, it's very common.
So not saying it's impossible, just saying it's not very common
Imagine if you fell in love with someone every few weeks. Your life would just be heartbreak after heartbreak, or a trail of carnage in your wake. Probably both.
Maybe disliking half the people I meet is 'my problem' but, in my experience, lots of people are dicks. There are also a huge amount of people who, through little fault of their own, I can't claim to like purely on the basis that we are completely different and have absolutely zero in common with one another. Not sure that's particularly a fault of my personality over others. It's just life isn't it?
it's just life, so get over it
stop holding grudges for no real reason
use your energy on something else
i have nothing in common with a lot of my friends, yet we still enjoy each others company and have things to talk about because we both are, y'know, humans going through life
there's a difference between 'holding grudges' and 'passively disliking' or 'finding irritating to the extent that you don't enjoy spending very much time with them'. the latter shouldn't be a big deal for casual friendship/acquaintances but it's a bit of a problem when you're talking about getting into an actual relationship with someone
ratio of nice people to dickheads might be universal but at least you've more of a chance
i don't really have any advice, i got really lucky because someone fancied me and it turns out i fancied them too
(btw i've already had the best-friend-amazing-relationship experience and it is indeed fantastic when it's good, but there are also things about being single that are fantastic so i'm quite okay with just going around passively disliking most people for the moment)
or that it was worse than being in a relationship
what i should have said was that having someone you trust 100 percent and can do anything with and talk about anything with is better than being in a relationship where you can't
DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS ARGUMENT IS ABOUT.
to suggest that you should just 'get over' instinctive passive dislike of people for the sake of finding a relationship. rather than y'know, just being content with being single and enjoying the company of people you do actually like, until one day you hopefully happen across someone who you do actually want to spend loads and loads of time with, which will be all the greater an experience for its rarity
i'm not talking about 'just getting over' issues in order for being in a relationship. i'm talking about it as general life advice, because it really does have a negative effect on lives/mental health.
i don't naturally have a positive disposition but the whole people-are-rubbish thing is v. unhealthy.
i purposefully avoided proper relationships for quite a bit in order to get used to myself a bit because i considered that to be more important.
in conclusion, i feel really positive about my own occasional negativity, so let's all just be as positive or negative as we wanna be maaaaan (just as long as we're not being massive whiny babies like zahidf)
perhaps don't take the use of the word "dislike" as some sort of revealer of a pathological hatred of social situations and the human condition then haha?
"Sure I am not alone in taking an instant dislike to a good half of the people I meet"
He's now gone back on that, but based purely on that, I think it's fair to have assumed he had quite a serious problem with other people, in general. In my experience, that's down to an internal problem 100% of the time, that needs to be solved before you can achieve any level of personal satisfaction.
If that isn't what was going on, and he was being hyperbolic, disregard what I said. Can only go on what's posted.
i'm taking 'dislike' as 'not enjoying someone's company that much or wanting to spend very much time with them', not 'actively despising with a burning anger'. and obv i don't think it's a 'serious problem' to not particularly enjoy the company of about half the people you meet. i think that's probably about normal, tbh.
in no means indicates 'indifferent to' and it's all I had to go on.
cheers all, you're obv in the 50% of people that i don't dislike congrats <3
I don't hold grudges against anyone (bar one person for a particularly valid reason) let alone the figurative 'half the people I meet' for not being my best friend / potential life partner. Just pointing out that life isn't all about constantly being surrounded by people you really like.
but theres a difference between not really being bothered about someone and actively disliking people by default
I dont know why. My best friend will have to be someone i can moan to about my boyfriend so it doesn't work when its like that.
although i acknowledged years ago that it's not the best thing for me to repress things or avoid things. i either say something to one person or i don't bother saying it at all to anyone ever.
I'm proud of you lot. I really am.
IS IT TRUE?
MMHMM. I DO I DO I DO I DO-OOO.
Its quite annoying not having a default person to do stuff with.
I dont like that part.
when you used to not pay for much. Everything is TWICE as much (as £0?)
Like I'm doing life wrong and can't possibly be happy.
I mean if I met someone and we got on really well I'd be well up for a relationship but there's nothing I properly dislike about being single.
I think finding someone you really get on with and care about and love is one of the best feelings in the world, it makes everything seem a bit easier.
However, in no shape or form would I end up being with someone for the sake of it, I'd rather channel all that love for my family and friends. It's very rare to find someone you completely connect with, but when it happens it's a lovely feeling.
somewhat soppy post above.
But failed miserably.