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serving food on things that aren't plates or bowls
[milky thighs or virgins]
you'd never fit a thigh in a normal pub bowl
but usually drink the regular kind because of the prices
1, 2, or even all 3 of:
They're nice enough but the omnipresence completely defeats the point
defeat the purpose of buying a nice beer? Are you seriously saying 'whats the point of drinking craft beer if it isn't indie'
It is part of the culture.
There's a tipping point where it just becomes beer.
but at your average pub I doubt they'd want to stock 30 different beers that taste slightly different from one another which all appeal to the same market which isn't as large as the market that sticks to regular largers.
bottled beer is for at home/picnics.
pub = something and chips
flowery descriptions of menu items e.g. 'Beer-battered cod accompanied by thick-cut fries and seasonal vegetables'.
It's fish, chips and peas isn't it
but some people like food to taste good
Oooh - fried in a pan!
and thus different
and don't fill the menu with fucking adjectives. Fish, chips, peas, tartare, not on a plate/board. simple.
Having many interesting beers and ales and then the only cider options are Strongbow in tap or bottles of Bulmers/Magners.
still pouring my drinks. Serve one person at a time, you rude twat.
as long as they don't mess up my order.
speeds everything up.
However is can easily tumble down when there's something slightly unusual.
just good bartendering
It smacks of pointless multitasking that saves, cumulatively across a whole several-hour bar shift, about 5 minutes.
I prefer pubs where you have the server's full attention during the short window when you're being served.
throughout all consumer transactions^
especially if they are taking my order while sorting out some other twat's massive list of drinks.
Try being a bar person for one fucking day. Then come back and say that. Having been a bar girl during university/skint times, it makes you want to stab every person in the eye.
Twat - "Glass of tap water please"
Me - "No Worries"
Twat - "You sure you ran it for five minutes before pouring?"
Me - " Yes"
Twat - "Are you sure?"
Me - "Yes but as you can see I have about 50,000 waiting"
This kind of thing, day in day out.
Now I had NO PROBLEM with serving tap water but don't be a twat about it.
for ages in my late teens/early 20s.
Maybe I'm just more patient and customer-service focused than you?
You are going to make some serious sex tonight!!!
was scampi and chips served in a wire mesh basket.
No just no.
NOT CHIPS THO ARE THEY
where everything is 'our own twist on a classic'. nope. fuck off pal. you're not heston, you're just ruining a drink
Next in line and the person in front orders 4 different cocktails......"be with you in about twenty minutes to pour your pint which will take 5 seconds mate"
I mean FFS. It's probably the most problematic thing I've ever eaten, after dog soup in North Korea.
I'd have fucking flipped if that'd happened to me. Scrambled egg everywhere.
Bet that cost about a tenner.
You have to "shake" the tree to view more navigation items (which are in the form of coffee beans) and then most of them don't even work :')
i thought i'd seen it all
That explains the total lack of common sense that has gone into serving breakfast then.
EVERYONE STOP LOOKING.
beans as well. I hope you asked for a plate and a full apology.
looks like an accident
Actual lol at the beans dripping off the kitchen roll
Mate, it's greaseproof paper.
But holy shit...
under capitalism even beans are alienated from breakfast
still laughing at this
London, man. London.
crappy fast food places twice cook chips, it is not some novel idea. So they have thrice cooked chips now. What that involves I am unsure, or why cooking them multiple times is impressive.
Things served on slabs of wood.
Just having the menu on a blackboard so you have to stand in the middle like a chump looking just over some people's heads while you decide.
Having too many real ales, so they are all going a bit stale. Just do 3-4 max really well, not 7 crap ones.
Twice cooked chips are almost always better.
Also, which 'fast food' places do you frequent where they serve them?
If that counts as fast food
but it is not some novel, unique, difficult thing to do which they need to brag about. Most chippies do it for example. But what cooking them three times does I am unsure.
the problem with it is people inflating the 'triple-cooked' bit as if it's somehow novel or inventive (I blame Heston). People have been cooking chips this way for centuries.
Deep-fry for 5-6 minutes then leave to rest for 5 minutes or so
Deep-fry again for another 5-6 minutes
Cooking 3 times,
But because this is how you cook chips it ultimately amounts to cooking them ONCE.
so, just Chips then.
so you walk into an empty pub and there are no tables free. This does not apply if I want to book a table in a notoriously busy pub on a Sunday of course.
A4 sheets in a plastic cover on the wall saying they are checked regularly
Have you SEEN what they've done to the Princess Alice? "The Culpepper" as it is now is one of the most distressing places I've been too in years. Everything wrong about modern pubs is summed up in there. Never going back. My memories are too precious to have them trampled on like that.
Now it's all exposed brickwork and artfully mismatched chairs and a garden on the roof where they forage for cocktail ingredients.
That was the only pub I ever went to enough to have staff that knew my usual.
Like 'Bucks' and 'Does' or whatever. FUCK OFF.
so I just piss on the floor in between the two doors.
ESPECIALLY premix cocktails that are still £6+
that means you have to shout to have a conversation. You're not a nightclub. What are you doing?
this is the post I would use it on
http://www.stroods.co.uk/content/stroods/projects/kingsarms-1.jpg it's a wall not a point of sale nobhead
Do you mean windows?
exposed brickwork and concrete floors so whenever anyone talks they just ALWAYS SOUND REALLY LOUD ALL THE TIME
trying to look like Dry Bar.
not twatty shoreditch gash-tro pubs
trendy bars that only employ people because they look nonchalant enough. they NEVER know what they're doing and it's proper annoying.
I don't care if you're good looking trendy or what, but I want you to be able to take a drink order, remember it, and make it well and quickly. Even worse at places that do cocktail places where they are fucking useless at making them but they have a twiddly mustache and have an anchor tattoo on their forearm so they're given the job.
Every time I've been to get served there I've had to wait five minutes whilst one of them finishes telling a twatty story. Twats.
Giving me single measures.
or a nice G and T
Prosecco. It's lush.
unless it's a special occasion/am in the mood. That said, I'd murder anything like that right now.
Also as a guy who's attracted to almost any sport like a moth to a flame I don't like screens showing sky sports / sky sports news silently because it makes me an unsociable moron (more so)
trying to do too many things at once - casual pub, gastropub, cocktail bar, microbrewery AND there's dj sets every night on the terrace?
having a cocktail menu but no members of staff who can actually make cocktails.
having no none-alcoholic drinks that aren't tap water, lemonade or diet coke.
having tea/coffee facilities, and a menu displayed above the bar but only serving them until like 2pm.
not having any crisps (pretzels? can't fucking eat them mate).
having a menu that specifies that things are allergen free when they're not.
I love getting the crisps in and I like having the occasionally coffee - especially if I'm out after work. I'm not a young man anymore and a quick espresso sorts me right out.
surely all pub owners know that if you don't serve food all day yet have crisps people will stay longer (probably).
It was only midday!
might make a thing of going to a pub later and only ordering tea
not coffee, though, because i've had two today already.
I hope this isn't a thing.
it's trendier to serve pretzels and cashew nuts or cake instead.
I do like pretzels though, they can stay.
'no work clothes/overalls etc'
Fuck off you snobs - working hard is thirsty work!
it's a pub, go somewhere else for food
(obv I love them really)
It's a pub ffs. If I have a few jars and it's all dark and I'm comfy I'm going to doze off, and that means I'm not spending money in yr establishment
that's so dark that I didn't realise part of the room was even there. Was pretty alarmed when people started emerging from what I'd assumed was a wall.
and serving you a pint, then five minutes left coming over to table and demand you drink that fucker right now as they are closed.
Made from 'reclaimed scaffolding boards'. Buy some proper furniture, I'm getting splinters you twats.
when they try and make desserts classy and ruin them, why would putting beetroot in a brownie every be considered a good idea.
also serving real ale, those people should not be encouraged
but really they are
i can't think of an example right now
and the table was an old door with spikes coming out of it. like, you couldnt put a plate down or a book cause there were spikes coming out of it. probably like a really important medieval artifact or something.
I spent years using coasters just out of habit and not even thinking of what they're there for. Nowadays, I pick up my pint and get condensation off the bottom of the glass dripping all over my clothes.
Surely they are free from a brewery / someone advertising. Put some flippin coasters down!
I was wondering why I had images of me Nan's house during that rant.
Fuck faffing around with that. I want it in a squezzy one.
Then leaving them on the bar to show them off. Sure, they are good looking bar snacks but you've no idea who's had a nibble on that.
-Asking who's next rather than keeping track themselves
-Not asking what the next person wants when pouring the drink for the person they are currently serving
-Punters who use their card at the start of the night, seriously go to the cash point.
-Punters who don't let others who have been waiting before them get served first.
start a bloody tab.
It's just sticking a card in the slot and typing four numbers. Some pricks dick about with change for way longer than it takes to do that. Start serving the next person if it takes a while.
I rarely ever have cash on me so pretty much always use a card, usually starting a tab.
More pubs should get contactless machines so it'd be quite literally the quickest transaction ever.
That means using a card machine in the pub will always turn into a monumental palaver that takes ages
Seriously - the simple act going to the pub on a Friday night these days is becoming a £40 affair. Won't be long before you'll not be able to get a pint for under the minimum wage...
It's like someone opened a pub based on this thread.
The first and only time I went there the bar man stood there playing with a bottle opener while my mate and I waited at a completely empty bar saying "hello, could we get a drink please?" for about 4 minutes. Then charged almsot a fiver for a pint of Guinness that was 45% head and when I asked for it to be changed was informed that "they don't do refunds". My other mate then asked for chips to be informed "Sorry, the kitchen closes in 15 minutes".
deeply confused we asked again, so he went and asked the chef if he would do some chips "so close to closing" then came back and said that he wouldn't ordinarily but would make an exception. So generous!
Then they had their own brewery or something, and had an RPA
"What's an RPA?"
"Oh, it's our RANDOM PAle Ale." From his description it sounded like they just put any old shit in it. It tasted like the ground.