Your are viewing a read-only archive of the old DiS boards. Please hit the Community button above to engage with the DiS !
tells you they like/have feelings for somebody else
that has to be the end right
asking for a friend
I guess you're not talking about feelings of ambivalence
I don't know if you can really have proper feelings for two people at once unless they still love their s/o and just want to shag this other person. Maybe not even then.
why would it only be possible to like one person at once??
maybe your definition of having proper feelings for someone is looser idk
people experience emotions, sexuality etc. differently. some people have strong feelings for one than one person at a time. you can say its "weird" but its a reality.
for two people at once.
fair to say it's impossible *for you* and unlikely to be possible *for most people*, but y'know there are people who sustain actual polyamorous relationships. not saying most people are cut out for that, but it inarguably exists
that doesn't mean you're not in love with both it just means you're MORE in love with one
i can barely manage being friends with more than a couple of people at a time
Probably yes, unless your friend can be 100% certain that they won't act on those feelings (or unless it's one of those things where someone says they fancy Brad Pitt or someone similar who they are clearly never going to meet).
well most of the time anyway?
if it's really important to you then yeah. it's not gonna be a deal breaker for everyone though. if my partner had feelings for someone else i'd probably want to talk about it otherwise id worry i was kinda cutting off the nose to spite the face.
personally i wouldnt make a rash decision unless the circumstances were really severe. also depends how important your relationship is to you and how much you've already invested in it.
been trying to block out the feelings of fear driving me one way and the feelings of pride driving me the other way, as neither is going to bring me to the right answer. But even ignoring those sensations I can only really see one answer here
thrown my life into disarray as I was really happy before, happier than I've been for a long time. And so was she.
maybe it's not the right choice, but it's the only way I can see right now.
Although I quite like Loser Price.
but if i were you i'd just make sure you had actually reached the point of no return before ending it for good. relationships can be salvaged from all sorts of problems, including feelings for other people. dont know you or your partner or your relationship though. i hope whatever you do it works out for you douchebag.
So in my case, the answer to your question would be so far in the yes as to render the question unnecessary.
Sorry for your friend bro. Tell him we can hug it out if he wants.
I think there are two important things to discuss when considering whether this revelation and its consequences are going to be damaging
a) Will it lead you to resent the other person? Speaking from experience I had a real problem towards the end of my last relationship with a lot of resentment and pent up anger which I was afraid would manifest itself violently and unpleasantly.
b) Will it alter the good things you get from the relationship? To fall back again on personal experience, the resentment I felt towards my ex was worse because I felt guilty about it. It made my depression worse, I blamed myself because I was frustrated at her for not being able to support/understand or even save me from some dark times.
There is one good thing about this though. The partner in question has been extremely honest which is a good sign. Trust is really important in handling any issue like this. But in the end you need to think about what is best for you. Can the person still give you what you need and the support and attention and love that we all want? Can you escape the insecurity and accompanying resentment? Will staying or leaving plunge you deeper into the issues you've mentioned?
It's a really hard decision and discussion but try and work through these things alone and together.
I certainly wouldn't if I was in that situation.
hence why she's been so freaked out by them
i guess it's something she needs to explore. If I held her back then she'd always be wondering about what could have been - though she may well feel the same if we break up. If I stay with her I may well be consumed by insecurity, and frankly I'm fucked up enough already
I guess it depends on how strong her feelings are (or she thinks they are) and whether she feels like she should act on them or not - otherwise it might have been best to say nothing because it's pretty normal to have some sort of feelings for other people every now and again.
was the relationship bad for you(r mental health) before this?
good luck x
maybe there has been some tough times, but never anything like this. In fact, it has always been a relationship based on and built around pure devotion.. so this new development has been something of a massive headfuck tbh
I imagine that singledom will probably drive me towards some of my more unhealthy instincts for a while - hopefully I will manage to keep my life on track
And I really hope you can sort this out and make whatever works for you work.
I largely didn't want to lie, think it would be worse
or if they'd feel resentful if they didn't. i think people can have feelings for multiple people at the same time and it's really good she's told you. but at this point it's whether you would feel comfortable being with someone who does have feelings for someone else as well.
whatever happens i hope you will look after yourself and keep yourself in as good a place as possible
and challenge them to a duel.
to keep all parties happy and I get something in return. What's his ironing like?
Al I know is that if I was in love with someone and they told me they had feelings for someone else it would probably tear me apart and I would find it really hard to continue the relationship as it would be on my mind.
But I think that relationships can really highlight the deepest insecurities and vulnerabilities in some of us.
I hope things work out for you.
I'm a massive comedown. I do genuinely hope things work out. Talk to her.
I've done this and in my experience its often to do with problems with your self confidence, in the two times it has happened now it was borne out of a general crisis in myself and what I was doing in my life. My relationship has been very long term which is both amazing and terrifying to me, but ultimately it has won out due to her strength and confidence in me (though I'm never sure why).
So, if you value it enough, you can get through this.
I wonder how I can have these attractions and how serious they really are and maybe there is a problem I'm not facing up to because I'm scared of the alternatives and of upsetting her.
But then I have deep seated anxiety issues (related to self-confidence thing, I.e a disser) so maybe don't listen to me