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Things you're looking forward to doing when/if you have children

DarwinDude [Edit] [Delete] 49 replies 12:16, 6 July '14

making pancakes together every sunday with loads of different fillings
going to museums
going for a cycle along the canal and letting ponies eat out of our hands (looked this up and apparently its kinda dangerous but my mum used to take me to do this)
that thing where two adults hold each hand and swing the kid forward (looked this up and apprently its kinda dangerous too)

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  • n/a

    Epimer | 6 Jul '14, 12:18 | X
    blimeycharlie, tiramisu, Parsefone, ZooKeepersBoy, roastthemonaspit, twentynine, ThingsThatFly, cheddar_gorgoroth, and andyvine this'd this
  • So you didn't research the health and safety issues of having different pancake fillings or going to museums?

    confrontedbybears | 6 Jul '14, 12:24 | X
  • training the kid up like a pokemon

    Noblet | 6 Jul '14, 12:30 | X
  • c-section scars

    Not being legally allowed to leave my baby nerd alone for 12 years. Dragging my baby nerd on holiday with me everytime. My baby nerd crying and me not being able to figure out what the problem is. My investment in expensive earphones/headphones to block out the noise. Nappies and potty training. My baby nerd embarrassing me in the shops.

    OpenTheSatellites | 6 Jul '14, 12:36 | X
    • Don't call your kid Nerd.

      ZooKeepersBoy @OpenTheSatellites | 6 Jul '14, 12:42 | X
      • Don't worry

        I'll spend hours choosing the best name for socio-economic impact in their lives.

        OpenTheSatellites @ZooKeepersBoy | 6 Jul '14, 12:45 | X
    • http://www.geekbabyclothes.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/nine-months-in-the-batcave.png

      confrontedbybears @OpenTheSatellites | 6 Jul '14, 12:49 | X
  • Think about this often.

    SCIENCE MUSEUM
    Taking them to their first football match
    Taking them to the lake district for an adventure break including climbing, Go Ape, kayaking and quad biking.
    Making them really good at sports.
    Taking them to a restaurant with a make your own ice cream machine

    eltham | 6 Jul '14, 12:36 | X
    • That's gonna fill up a load of alternate saturdays

      fidel_catstro @eltham | 6 Jul '14, 13:27 | X
      • This is brilliantly mean

        andyvine @fidel_catstro | 6 Jul '14, 14:03 | X
        Epimer and japes this'd this
      • Look dear I know you're still bitter about me getting the summer house

        but there is no need for this. Have had enough of your bullshit.

        eltham @fidel_catstro | 6 Jul '14, 14:27 | X
        • =D

          fidel_catstro @eltham | 6 Jul '14, 15:20 | X
  • forcing them to compensate for all my failings

    foppyish | 6 Jul '14, 12:38 | X
    eltham this'd this
  • all those things are great

    but i'd rather just do them with another adult who isn't really annoying and needy

    tiramisu | 6 Jul '14, 12:46 | X
    andyvine, Parsefone, WhiteLightWhiteCity, and Epimer this'd this
    • but but

      "that thing where two adults hold each hand and swing the kid forward (looked this up and apprently its kinda dangerous too)"

      you would need a really small adult to be able to do that!

      DarwinDude @tiramisu | 6 Jul '14, 13:11 | X
      • you can do that with nephews and nieces

        your arm starts to hurt way before they get tired of it.

        incandenza_ @DarwinDude | 6 Jul '14, 15:12 | X
        Epimer this'd this
      • i'd probably rather just go on the swings myself

        (went on the swings and chutes in kelvingrove while drunk at 7am the other day. best morning ever)

        tiramisu @DarwinDude | 6 Jul '14, 15:22 | X
  • -taking them to big parks a lot and having imaginary adventures

    basically pretending theyre the hero in a knock-off studio ghibli movie or something. I reckon that'd be well fun.
    -getting them really into football
    -being an all-round cool dad. One of those ones where their pals are like 'your dad's cool'. Two of my friends at school had dads like that and i bet the dads were well chuffed (in hindsight one of them's really lame but still)

    still_here | 6 Jul '14, 12:47 | X
  • constantly winding them up. telling them when cats grow up they turn into dogs, or that in france people eat by shoving food up their bums, or whenever you sneeze it's the sound of a part of your brain exploding and you are now stupider than you were before. that kind of thing.

    japes | 6 Jul '14, 12:48 | X
    ColinFilth this'd this
    • ^going for parent of the year

      foppyish @japes | 6 Jul '14, 12:49 | X
      blimeycharlie, japes, and andyvine this'd this
      • making them look ridiculous

        http://cdn.themetapicture.com/media/funny-baby-mustache-pacifier.jpg

        japes @foppyish | 6 Jul '14, 12:57 | X
    • This by a country mile

      Kids are really stupid and really easy to take the piss out of. Doing this sort of stuff is fantastic fun and an important life lesson for the little tykes.

      ColinFilth @japes | 6 Jul '14, 14:23 | X
      japes this'd this
      • "Kids are really stupid"

        Speak for yourself. Parents/adults can greatly underestimate the intelligence and awareness of kids.

        confrontedbybears @ColinFilth | 6 Jul '14, 15:32 | X
        • nah they're thick

          CrispinAlexander @confrontedbybears | 6 Jul '14, 15:50 | X
          andyvine, japes, and Parsefone this'd this
          • That is what they want you to think

            confrontedbybears @CrispinAlexander | 6 Jul '14, 22:32 | X
  • filling them with insecurities and resentments

    which as adults will develop into debilitating neuroses.

    'lol'

    cheddar_gorgoroth | 6 Jul '14, 12:54 | X
  • Basing my entire life around them for at least 16 years.

    Paying through my nose for them for at least 25 years.

    Resent them for becoming office drones like me for the rest of my life.

    Parsefone | 6 Jul '14, 13:02 | X
  • Absolutely coin it off dss

    and buy many flat-screen tvs

    fidel_catstro | 6 Jul '14, 13:28 | X
  • Giving them amazing names like Hardlife, Knowledge, Wonder and Talent.

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zimbabwe_national_football_team

    keith | 6 Jul '14, 13:32 | X
  • having really great chats with them about things like

    which group of people are worse: people who make their entire lives revolve around their children as some weird narcissistic extension of themselves or grown adults who profess that they never, ever want children and can't see any point in it

    labmonkeya529 | 6 Jul '14, 13:32 | X
    • I too will be teaching them the joys of only contributing to internet forum threads to demonstrate exactly how high my horse is.

      Parsefone @labmonkeya529 | 6 Jul '14, 14:34 | X
      • don't just teach them that. You contribute far more

        like 500+ word weekend football threads on a Friday night

        labmonkeya529 @Parsefone | 6 Jul '14, 14:50 | X
  • Football

    DanielKelly | 6 Jul '14, 13:36 | X
  • #lovechildrenhatepancakes

    Body_In_The_Thames | 6 Jul '14, 13:44 | X
  • giving them real books and musical instruments and stuff

    and not iPads.

    I'm not a monster; some of the books will be about computers.

    incandenza_ | 6 Jul '14, 15:17 | X
    • stuff like that really is a tough one, I imagine lots of parents in the 80s thought that about tv when I was growing up, the parents probably thought 'they'll thank me for this later' but it is such a shared experience and common reference I think those kids really did miss out.

      ThingsThatFly @incandenza_ | 6 Jul '14, 15:21 | X
      • see also: my mum refusing to buy me any kind of games console ever

        now i am physically incapable of playing video games and it is a source of CONSTANT HUMILIATION.

        tiramisu @ThingsThatFly | 6 Jul '14, 19:34 | X
        andyvine this'd this
        • I was never allowed toy guns or nestle products, in the long run not that bothered, but at the time I was pretty cheesed off.

          ThingsThatFly @tiramisu | 6 Jul '14, 19:51 | X
  • people should not indoctrinate their children into religion of sports, music is ok though.

    ThingsThatFly | 6 Jul '14, 15:21 | X
    • *religion or sports.

      though religion of sports works too.

      ThingsThatFly @ThingsThatFly | 6 Jul '14, 15:42 | X
  • if i had loads of kids i'd name them all really similar names and also after me

    hannah jr, hannibal, hanne, hans

    can't wait really. someone get me up the duff PRONTO.

    icouldwinarabbit | 6 Jul '14, 19:26 | X
    • superhans

      ThingsThatFly @icouldwinarabbit | 6 Jul '14, 19:29 | X
      • also very good

        lil babby superhans

        icouldwinarabbit @ThingsThatFly | 6 Jul '14, 19:30 | X
    • you need to get with somebody called [first name] O'Hanrahan

      incandenza_ @icouldwinarabbit | 6 Jul '14, 19:53 | X
      • no, wait

        there are people called [first name] Hannah out there.

        I mean, you don't even need to sleep with them, just marry them and steal their name for your children.

        incandenza_ @incandenza_ | 6 Jul '14, 19:56 | X
    • hancock

      georgiabeth @icouldwinarabbit | 6 Jul '14, 19:56 | X
    • hanson, after the band

      georgiabeth @icouldwinarabbit | 6 Jul '14, 19:56 | X
  • Their Mum

    in_limbo | 6 Jul '14, 20:00 | X
  • naming a future son after Inzamam Ul-Haq, Wasim Akram

    or Muhammad Ali

    Gorkys_Forever | 6 Jul '14, 22:26 | X
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