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'She doesn't want your boring leicster, she wants my veiny intriguing stilton.'
It's just the only part of it that's the gym is.. the gym...'
(Life is all pain. Pain, rejection and gloom. Why do we even pretend that there's anything other than a yawning blankness at the heart of... Hey! 33% extra free! I'm doing excellent shopping. My depressed state of mind is making me even more frugal than normal.)
Super Hans: Alright. My turn now.
Even bernie winters and schnorbitz would've been a bit better'
So this is my big evening, is it? Me, tripping my nuts off, watching you do endless pooing.
Brilliant, Mark. My mate and your woman have just gone off to fuck each other. What are we gonna do now? Go and make a tent in the living room and eat Dairylea? Is that what you want? Because that's what's gonna happen.
I've made a psycho call to the woman I love, I kicked a dog to death, and now I'm going to pepperspray an acquaintance. Something ... I mean, what's happened to me?
Jez: well.. you did sort of arrange a wedding...
except I can't see anything, I don't have a hard on, and I feel like I want to cry.
It's not Blue Peter
I'VE GOT COUPONS FOR THE PRINGLES.
"yes that's right. there's a conspiracy about them on the internet."
It's just a moment that is going to haunt me for the rest of my life.
The fucking twins! I'm always going on about me twins, aren't I? How old are they? What's 'Fünf' in English? They turned fünf zwei years ago, so, what, pair of 8-ers, I reckon? Bloody love them two.
SuperHans: People like Coldplay and voted for the Nazis. You can't trust people, Jeremy.
Mark: If you really can't hold it in, then you'll just have to... piss yourself.
Jeremy: You're telling me to piss myself?
Mark: Yes, if you've got to go, piss yourself.
Jeremy: Is this what it's come to?
Mark: Yes, and do it quietly.
Jeremy: Great. And what shall I do after I've pissed myself? Fuck myself? Eat myself? You're such a...
Mark: Are you doing it already?
Jeremy: Yes, I'm doing it already! I'm so pathetic that as soon as you ordered me to piss myself, I started the procedure. This is what you've done, you've ground down my sense of self worth over the years, I hope you're proud!