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I reckon I'm edging towards an hour a day. Mostly at work.
I'm not ill, I'm just really fucking bored.
pretty much exactly the same
think i should complain about it, it's perfect Quizup time
walk back to desk/where you get signal
The war of the #selfies is straining our resources, with instagram joining forces with the almighty empire of facebook, and the lands of vine and twitter being stubborn and aloof and unable to agree on providing a united front.
Now, more than ever, citizens of snapchat, we need your pictures of you curling one out.
I gasp and shout SHIT! quite a lot when I play it.
people will just think you're an enthusiastic deficator
The other day I was in the changing room at work and there was a snail on the wall and I accidentally said 'a snail?' out loud and then when I opened the door there was a lady there waiting. I went all red and was like 'Heh, did you just hear me say 'a snail'?' and she said 'What?' and I said, 'oh there's a snail on the wall in there' and she said, 'yeah that's been there for ages'
so a trip up there is better for internet access and I get to build a little walk into the journey to waste even more time
but usually it's just enough to be really frustrating and spend ages watching it try to do things and fail.
like an adopted child falling off a bike
will report back when I treat myself to a go in there later
a) because you evidently could use any toilet
b) because you obviously went in there for a massive poo and not just a wee
between like 50/60 people, and usually one is broken, so we have to use the disabled one otherwise the queue would be ridiculous. pretty sure there is no-one here who is actually disabled and can only use that toilet (although I haven't checked - possible audit thread?), so I think it's fair game.
depends on how much cheese i had the night before
On the weekend: barely even think about it
Who basically hides in the toilet all day.
It's pretty obvious he's just avoiding the world /going on his phone but some of the older colleagues reckon he's really ill.
It's quite funny except when you need him for something :(
I hide in plain sight, on DiS, colleaguing.
now I can sit here not working in the middle of the office and no-one knows
I like to head there about 15:30 - take my time. Breaks up the afternoon
But normally around two to stave off the end of the post-lunch slump.
what's wrong with you people?
in the trap next to yours
But I think I'd get fired if I sat in the pub across the road/went home for an hour a day.
if my bowels make any kind of suggestion there might be a shit in the offing I get a little bit excited. "I can *legitimately* go and hide in the toilet and play Threes for a bit!" Tragic.
and there was a group of stern looking guys in suits (it's dress down day so well out of place) all staring into the disabled toilet. I think they're onto me :/
So my colleagues think I am going to a meeting.
I'm going to a meeting alright...a meeting of bum cheeks and toilet seeeeeet.
particularly if someone else joins in as i wont leave until they do
then perhaps 5-10 either side of the working day
as above the weekend i barely think about shitting, same when i'm running an event out of the office. Something about sitting at a desk all day that really brings you closer to your bowels
Actually, who am I kidding, it's another justification for staying on the toilet for another five minutes.
who can really provide you with a harrowing experience if you get caught in an adjacent cubicle. Once during a profound period of grunting, gurgling & squirting i had a shoe shoot out into my cubicle, it's owner clearly trying to get more purchase on the task at hand
Fucking hell that's made me laugh.
Always amazes me some of the sounds that come from adjacent cubicles. Unless I am a) ill or b) reeling from a night of booze - 95% of my shits are smooth, subtle journeys from bowel to bowl. There might be a little splash; there might be a little squeak... but usually, it's painless, efficient, quiet and self-contained.
Most of the chaps who sit in adjacent cubicles at work get into all sorts of bother. Noise, sploshing, grunting from either a painful pebble dash or a semi-diarrhoea smashdown. What the fuck are these people doing?
this is why i wont emerge until they have left ever since i mistakenly looked deep into the eyes of a former manager after a similar encounter
when someone burst into the bog next to me and preceded to have a very, very torrid time. Sounded like his arse had actually exploded. Anyway - I was halfway through a century on ProHD Snooker so carried on with that whilst the whole world was seemingly falling through the lad next door.
Anyway, I was just washing my hands post-event when he busted out of the cubicle. Looked in the mirror to see who it was and it was a VERY senior member of staff (department director). Bad enough. But even worse was that he left the toilets without even so much as a cursory wipe of his hands... :(
as a means of avoiding bog roll expenditure at home.
Always try and take a shit whilst you are getting paid to do so. Always.
Never speed on company time.
- Marilyn Monroe
her quotes about the internet are the best
but I go about 10 times a day (wee)
So I probably stay in about a 90 seconds on average, so about 15 minutes all together.