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people as what i do and i say i'm an accountant and they just go 'oh'.
"i'm a busines analyst". fuck them reverse snobs
a guy started going on about marketing on how my friend should get into it.
bet you just sit and count all the people at the party
and he'd been signed to erased tapes and i just go on excel for DHL.
I would have fan-boy'd out on him.
It was pretty extreme. But they liked my boots so... *validation*
Never have worked out a good way of answering "what do you do?" and not killing any potential conversation.
Suggestions please, ideally should be mildly witty (not try-hard) and allow a swift change of subject.
Some bad examples:
"I tell you what I DON'T do, your mum after your dad found out!"
"What DON'T I do!"
"See if you can guess"
"I often ask myself the same question"
"What business is it of yours!?"
I start off really vague and only get more specific under duress
"for a company"
"enough not to get fired"
"the things listed in my contract"
"fuck off mate"
my personality/appearance does not tie in with my job.
Explain IFRS is based upon principles rather than rules.
If they want more, contrast this with USGAAP and its litigant nature.
another way of referring to embezzlement or tax evasion?
but i'd cringe even more if i said thats what i did.
Usually I sidestep it.
Imagine what it's like for them having to spend all night stuck chatting to the accountant.
You could tell them you're an arms dealer, and you'd still be less of a cunt than the kind of person who asks people what their job is at parties.
I look after the coats.
The only thing more boring than talking about my work is talking about someone else's.
(I work in non-profit marketing, that makes me less of a figure of hate, right?)
I work in marketing as well. I don't consider myself a 'creative' even if my work does involve some level of design and copywriting.
Fuck you. Marketing is for winners, crybaby.
but I genuinely, seriously don't care either. Not meaning to sound horrible but that's truly how I feel.
I'm more up for just getting drunk and having a fucking discussion or debate about something that interests me, then spewing something moderately controversial (and perhaps subtly insulting) and potentially landing myself in trouble, making things very awkward for myself in future gatherings with the same acquaintances. That's what it's all about. I'm addicted to this behaviour for some reason.
how entirely ridiculous to ask someone what they do with 2/3 of their waking life
it's usually just to prove that I have a superior taste in music
And peoples jobs are potentially a large part of "who they are".
It's hardly "cunt" worthy, m8.
in a conversation at a party
It's small talk. It's shit. It's what boring people do when they're not drunk enough.
hang on, have I come back round to the whole point of this thread?
can't talk about them for more than a minute before they bore themselves.
As in feigning interest in someone so they have to feign interest in you. Anyone at a party who isn't pissed and talking bollocks shouldn't be invited to parties.
(through the medium of print production)
Then they are probably idiots.
is probably an idiot.
hadn't realised that being an accountant all week and then doing pills all weekend made you a creative.
As everyone just talks about work or themselves.
Had an interesting speaker come in to work recently and do a talk about how we are all as creative as each other and the word needs redefining. It might be that you are more talented than someone or conventionally better at a skill than another person, but we are all creative in our own ways whether it be with budgeting, balancing parenthood vs work, cooking with leftovers, troubleshooting early on etc. Interesting chat.
now go sell that insurance!"
where they decided you could be intelligent if you were quite good at throwing or kicking a ball?
say you're a "numerical engineer"
people who say they're an engineer when they're not an engineer, stop it.
Sandwich Artist (this is actually what Subway calls its staff)
no one seems to do it with doctor.
I'm a toilet doctor.
Met one of those. Utter bobbins.
I'm an engineer, no I don't want to talk about it really as it's just my job. Bad enough talking about it when I'm there never mind when I'm not. Also, I know nobody else is interested either, so that's all good.
Oh, you're a teacher / creative (tend to love talking about their jobs). Don't be so presumptuous to assume I want to talk about that either - I fucking don't. Unless you're a lion tamer or similar, I don't want to talk about jobs in my spare time.
Also, talking about 'business' in anyway whatsoever. No. It's really, really boring.
Then they'd all smile and nod with approval and respect you.
I phoned the fire station the next day and they had no jobs
start some fires and phone them back
can shit themselves to death as far as I'm concerned.
'I'm an SEO'
'Basically, I make things go up Google so people click on them.'
'I don't get it?'
'I'm a nerd for a living.'
'I'm a Web Manager'
'What does that involve then?'
'Basically, I run three websites day to day, marketing etc.'
'I'm a Webmaster'
'Hahah that sounds like you roll dice for a living.'
'If only,' SAD FACE 'if only'
Things were easier when I was doing music PR on the side, they'd be distracted by that and I'd look cool to the 'creatives'.
'oh cool! what shows have you worked on?'
Seriously though man, I'm the same. I work in staff systems. When people ask me what I do, I just say "I work in an office, it's bollocks". That's it. They don't want to know more and I don't want to define myself by a shit job I have.
Then I talk about whatever else and everyone's like BRO!
I usually just answer them correctly.
I walk, I cycle, I sleep, I see some bands sometimes, I go the gym, I cook, I eat, I go to parties and talk to bores, I make tea, I drink tea, I watch films at home, I watch films at the cinema, I shave, I brush my teeth, I play video games, I think, I read books, I COULD GO ON
Usually does the trick and people leave me alone after that
I enjoy my job but I think I'd be hard pressed to find someone who wanted to chat about the .NET framework or SQL, generally people are kind of like, "Oh so you do IT" and we talk tech for awhile.
Normally it's me picking someone's brain about how they'd go about it as I'm not much of a programmer and I'm learning.
'why on earth does that matter', becasue if there's one thing more borning than having to admit that you are a Suit, it's then having to stay awake while veery cunt asks you about speeding tickets they're trying to get out of, and How can I justify defending murderers.
Or say 'stripper'.
I have to try very very hard not to start asking them questions about "this funny pain I've got in my right spleen area". I say I try, I never succeed. But if you get it right with a doctor you get to hear some really intriguing gory stories.
So I'd imagine it's the same with lawyers. If you ask them boring questions about your own legal problems you're going to make them hate you, but what you ought to be doing is asking them about the worst scrote they've ever sent down. I used to love going to the pub with my mate when he was starting out as a criminal defence solicitor. He always had some great tales.
Admittedly it must be harder if you're a commercial property lawyer, but still there's always something to work a good yarn out of.
It's extra hard ig you meet a doctor at a aparty when you're both out the back smoking, because I always feel instantly VERY NAUGHTY and like I deserve for them to tell me that my leg scratch is in fact cancerous.
'I work for Japes!'
There's never a follow up question.
'*smug snort* What, so you just sit around and play on facebook all day?'
'no, DiS actually.'
My each me too.
"what's the best book to set fire to? I'm trying to get into the fireman game"
but that makes people super eager to find out what it is. then i give them the one sentence version of what i do and it almost sounds interesting so they go "oh well that sounds interesting because...." and i have to go "no, no, it's not"
and she asked me what i study and i went 'maths' and she was like 'oh maths involves a lot of creativity doesn't it' (non sarcastically). i was like 'yeah probably'
Make it either too niche or too disgusting to warrant further conversation but interesting enough to make you seem enigmatic and sexable.
Alternatively, preface whatever your job is with "I work for a startup as-" as it makes it sound like you go to work in jeans and have meeting rooms with beanbag chairs in them.
it prompts too many questions and ends up dominating the conversation.
(My job isn't particularly interesting in itself, but the location is)
Chicks fucking love it
- 'I'm unemployed'
- pitying stare
*pats your shoulder*
that was close
(unlikely in itself)
was rolling spliffs, mostly smoking them, drinking absinthe and dabbing mdma on my own, wasn't really that kind of a party but I was playing it that way. Some guy starts talking to me, shares a couple of smokes and rubs his gums with some dust a few times. We start talking about work and he's Police.
He was alright, he was.
no he didn't
Actually this party was pretty good. there was an autistic guy there who was on great form putting people on the spot with his 'poser test' and ranking them in league table he was keeping (in his head obviously).
Do you wear sunglasses when it is cloudy?
Do you close cupboards with your feet?
If you had a convertible would you jump over the door?
stuff like that, and more subtle ones which I can't remember on account of their subtlety
Sadly he didn't even feel the need to have to ask me any questions, he just nailed me straight into his top 20. fair enough.
reduced everyone to a poser on one. great stuff.
it's probable though
with a flourish.
I'm Michael fucking Flatley
And when I'm out with my banker friends I get talked to like school children interviewing a war verteran
"What was it like?"
actually i really enjoyed it too
with too many Jeremys
I would wear it proudly, safe in the knowledge that I was earning at least twice as much as any of them. I'd be full-on willy waving about how I was considerably richer than yao.
my job title used to be researcher, which I was actually quite proud to give as an answer when asked what I do, now it is analyst which just sounds like an office drone
is that they're as boring as every other cunt.
I've had that a few times. The look of crushing disappointment when I tell them I'm a Finance Office.
Still, I'm fucking better than those boho hippy cunts.
you're well fucking boring anyway. I'm not defined but why I do for a job, but more what I work towards outside of work, writing a book, starting a PR agency, taking photos, reading as many books as I can...etc. Those are the things I want to hear about when I talk to people at parties.
it's really not something I want to come across at a party.Would much rather hear about the naff office joker, or even talk/to/ the naff office joker, than willywave about bungee of pages read.