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How to let people know you're LME?

Trout_Mask [Edit] [Delete] 60 replies 10:26, 10 March '14

I am relatively new to London and have to go back to my dead-end provincial market town next week due to unavoidable circumstances. As it's in the middle of university term, how do I let people know that I am in fact LME just revisiting and I'm not stuck in a rut. Is it just a case of constantly asking for the Evening Standard and flashing your oyster card, or is it more subtle than that?
Thanks for helping on a sensitive issue.

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  • Spit on them.

    cocodaLOL | 10 Mar '14, 10:27 | X
  • this is going to be a real aw

    Jordan_229_2 | 10 Mar '14, 10:28 | X
    • fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

      Jordan_229_2 @Jordan_229_2 | 10 Mar '14, 10:29 | X
      noise_ramones, badmanreturns, and japes this'd this
      • l thread

        Loui_Tacceh @Jordan_229_2 | 10 Mar '14, 19:48 | X
        Jordan_229_2 this'd this
        • good posting

          solid work indeed

          noise_ramones @Loui_Tacceh | 11 Mar '14, 01:04 | X
  • LME?

    Robeson | 10 Mar '14, 10:29 | X
    • Yes!

      Dans @Robeson | 10 Mar '14, 10:38 | X
    • London Metal Exchange?

      Large marine ecosystem?
      Least mean entropy?
      London mmphl entrmph?

      hexagram @Robeson | 10 Mar '14, 15:26 | X
      • I found out what it meant. And now I have an urge not to explain it to you.

        Robeson @hexagram | 10 Mar '14, 21:40 | X
        • London Metropolitan Elite

          (cos I'm a good guy like)

          Robeson @Robeson | 10 Mar '14, 21:40 | X
          hexagram this'd this
          • Ah, I'm from Zone 6 so I must have missed that one

            Being a GLME and all

            hexagram @Robeson | 11 Mar '14, 09:31 | X
  • If you are in a shop / bar / restaurant

    always look to want something that they don't have. When you are informed that they can't provide said item, sigh fulsomely and mutter something under your breath about 'the bloody provinces' before 'having to settle for an inferior alternative'.

    The message will get through

    NoahVale | 10 Mar '14, 10:30 | X
    Chip_Batch and furio this'd this
  • Tie dye.

    Ichor | 10 Mar '14, 10:38 | X
  • Just act really insecure about how the MME are better people

    and a tighter bunch of pals.

    moousee | 10 Mar '14, 10:39 | X
    cat_race, Verbal, andyvine, and incandenza_ this'd this
  • be sure to brag about how shit your house is and how much money you have to pay for it.

    japes | 10 Mar '14, 10:44 | X
    Lo-Pan this'd this
    • i rent a 4-bed molehill in walthamstow

      grand a man #yolo

      Verbal @japes | 10 Mar '14, 10:45 | X
  • never wear any item of clothing more than four times

    shrewbie | 10 Mar '14, 10:47 | X
  • Drone on endlessly

    about how youre looking to move out in 10-12 years to somewhere sleepy but your industry is literally only in london and you NEED to have this career because obviously youre a special little snowflake and you web marketing "role" keeps the whole country going.

    Songs_about_ducking | 10 Mar '14, 10:49 | X
    TheWza this'd this
    • make one single post

      not dripping with bitterness, envy and barely suppressed self-loathing.

      and typos.

      fidel_catstro @Songs_about_ducking | 10 Mar '14, 11:05 | X
      • Touched a nerve?

        Songs_about_ducking @fidel_catstro | 10 Mar '14, 11:10 | X
        japes this'd this
        • keep trying!

          fidel_catstro @Songs_about_ducking | 10 Mar '14, 11:24 | X
          Songs_about_ducking this'd this
    • My web marketing role does keep the whole country running.

      People need Dietitians damn it.

      Ichor @Songs_about_ducking | 10 Mar '14, 11:15 | X
      Songs_about_ducking this'd this
      • big welcome to DiS's first scientologist!

        fidel_catstro @Ichor | 10 Mar '14, 11:34 | X
    • Wait what?

      My role keeps me in moleskin waistcoats, comic books and frozen alcoholic drinks. Who gives a shit if the country runs or not when I'm balls deep in life, S_a_d?

      cocodaLOL @Songs_about_ducking | 10 Mar '14, 16:00 | X
      • Is web marketer really your job?

        I literally didnt even know

        Songs_about_ducking @cocodaLOL | 10 Mar '14, 16:18 | X
        • god no

          eCommerce and PR.

          A MAN's job.

          cocodaLOL @Songs_about_ducking | 10 Mar '14, 16:22 | X
          • surely that's the exact same thing

            andyvine @cocodaLOL | 10 Mar '14, 19:45 | X
            • nono. web marketer's make less.

              cocodaLOL @andyvine | 10 Mar '14, 19:57 | X
              • that's right:

                the web marketer is make less.

                cocodaLOL @cocodaLOL | 10 Mar '14, 19:58 | X
  • Sneeze in a tissue, then show off your black snot.

    hip_young_gunslinger | 10 Mar '14, 10:50 | X
    • When you go out,

      pick up anything at all with some writing on it and read it intently as you walk in a dead straight line crashing into anyone in your way.

      ColinFilth @hip_young_gunslinger | 10 Mar '14, 10:53 | X
      hexagram this'd this
    • thought I was reading the annoying exes thread here for a second =D

      fidel_catstro @hip_young_gunslinger | 10 Mar '14, 10:59 | X
    • True LME don't get that.

      Ichor @hip_young_gunslinger | 10 Mar '14, 11:16 | X
      • Their snot has entirely been replaced by a oleaginous mixture of

        condescension and overdraft charges.

        hip_young_gunslinger @Ichor | 10 Mar '14, 11:28 | X
  • If you are truly LME

    They will know.

    Raanraals | 10 Mar '14, 11:13 | X
    monoshono, japes, fidel_catstro, brusma, and ethricdouble this'd this
  • Lots of people in this thread wish they lived in London, right?

    Jawstheshark | 10 Mar '14, 11:21 | X
    • ^this is good too

      japes @Jawstheshark | 10 Mar '14, 11:31 | X
  • When you're buying a round

    Appear slightly baffled when the member of bar staff tells you how much the round is, as though you believe they must have made some sort of mistake.

    "It was FOUR pints of Kronenbourg, not two."

    Raanraals | 10 Mar '14, 11:25 | X
    • SO MUCH THIS

      I've just doubled up on rounds in non-LME situations when I've had a twenty ready and it comes in under a tenner.

      fidel_catstro @Raanraals | 10 Mar '14, 11:27 | X
    • This is a really good one

      and one that happens a lot now youmention it :D

      Songs_about_ducking @Raanraals | 10 Mar '14, 11:29 | X
      • it happened before he mentioned it too

        Jordan_229_2 @Songs_about_ducking | 10 Mar '14, 11:31 | X
    • Also, ask for poncey drinks

      That a small provincial pub will never have in a million years.

      "I don't suppose you have Liefmans Kriek, do you? OK, never mind. I'll just have a Carling."

      Raanraals @Raanraals | 10 Mar '14, 11:33 | X
      • I do this *in* london

        fidel_catstro @Raanraals | 10 Mar '14, 16:11 | X
  • Make a gag about there being life outside the M25!!!!!!!!!!!!

    GetOffMyLawn | 10 Mar '14, 11:40 | X
  • ask for a Long Black at the coffee shop

    Noblet | 10 Mar '14, 15:26 | X
  • Go back with a Boris Bike

    slavestate | 10 Mar '14, 16:18 | X
  • Ahem. Real LME call it "The Standard", not the "Evening Standard".

    Apart from that, just refuse to fuck your sister and they'll soon get the message.

    felson | 10 Mar '14, 20:10 | X
  • Say "i think anywhere north of the Watford gap is 'the north'"

    and watch people die laughing

    the_dazzled | 10 Mar '14, 20:15 | X
    • Anything north of Watford Gap pretty much IS the north.

      Anything north of Watford, on the other hand...

      felson @the_dazzled | 10 Mar '14, 20:31 | X
      badmanreturns this'd this
      • Only just bothered to Google why the Watford Gap

        is called the Watford Gap, incidentally.

        badmanreturns @felson | 11 Mar '14, 09:57 | X
  • Walk around with a penis drawn on your forehead

    And people should get the idea ;-)

    Caedus_ | 10 Mar '14, 20:16 | X
  • try to swipe your oyster card when getting on a bus

    foppyish | 10 Mar '14, 21:34 | X
    • forgot an important bit:

      look inconvenienced NOT embarrassed

      foppyish @foppyish | 10 Mar '14, 21:36 | X
  • Refuse to join in with the lynching and badger-baiting.

    marckee | 10 Mar '14, 21:46 | X
    cocodaLOL and felson this'd this
    • Just walk around calling everyone a travelcard wanker

      -dan- @marckee | 10 Mar '14, 22:26 | X
      • Act huffy when people stand on the left of escalators

        In department stores, shopping centres and non-Tube stations.

        Then push past like you're in a massive hurry.

        hexagram @-dan- | 11 Mar '14, 09:45 | X
  • Great read. Non-LME has a firm grasp on the differences

    When visited, LME members will walk through Underground stations with excessive speed and refuse to consult signs. Blinkered travel is cool.

    Upon sight of a tall building in your provincial town, comment upon its apparent newness. When told it was built in the 1970s, reply with either 'I never saw it before in my life' or 'I haven't lived here for a long time; I hardly recognise the place.'

    Insist on standing on a provincial bus despite available seats.

    Tell friends the importance to your life of whichever Underground line you use – 'God knows what I would.'

    View British culture as two: inside and outside the M25. You begin to lose interest on the important differences between the West Country and the Black Country. They're now an amalgam of quaintness/racism.

    Question whether you enjoyed your time at school with your mates. Nothing now compares with the 'fun' you're having now.

    Upon reaching 40, tell your friends you're thinking of starting a family.

    nebbie | 11 Mar '14, 08:56 | X
  • From reading above

    are we absolutely SURE that the non-london accounts aren't just cuntby?

    cocodaLOL | 11 Mar '14, 09:16 | X
  • Just put your DiS LME t-shirt on.

    licky_kicky | 11 Mar '14, 09:51 | X
    • http://www.shotdeadinthehead.com/disism-this-t-shirt.html

      TheKennedyCurse @licky_kicky | 11 Mar '14, 09:53 | X
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