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I've just got into one, anyone been there? Any hints and tips?
5 years together tomorrow, and for about a year of that we were on opposite sides of the planet.
Being grown up and open about things
Talking often but not making it a 'chore' (avoiding set times/daily or whatever) - lots of short messages/calls etc will leave you both wanting more.
Knowing what the end plan is (is one going to move somewhere closer?)
Setting dates to see each other before you're apart - leaving it open ended adds feeling futility and frustration - even if it's like 8 months away, get it booked so you have something to look forward to (you can always make other arrangements for sooner as well)
that it's a good idea to keep periods of distance at a third of the currnet length of the relationship max. So if you've been together a year, fourth months should be just about ok.
I reckon I could cope with that, maybe longer, as long as there was a concrete and set end to the period of long distance. Just getting into an ongoing LD thing? Not a chance.
is pretty futile, I'd have thought.
We were together less than three months before she went back to Seattle for a year, 5th anniversary today.
Everyone's different, but I'm just saying, it's doable.
If you are a jealous or possessive person, I can't see it working, as that is where most issues seem to arise.
send each other stuff as well
it's quite a while but it's not terrible. Will you see each other in person at certain intervals before then?
I met him on Christmas Day in London and he is so amazing. He's from New York with Mexican parents and is the most amazing painter. We were inseparable the four days he was here...and spoke on Skype every night when he went back.
He messaged me last week though to say he couldn't sustain a long-distance relationship, just as I was booking tickets to go and see him. Sucks.
Don't rule it out though, if it's meant to be you'll work out how to get around it.
But not regularly.
A friend had a fantastic seven year ld thing that went to shit immediately faced with the prospect of becoming a regular thing.
From regular relationships. It can be really naive and damaging to conflate them IMHO.
I guess what I had wirh this fella wasn't really a relationship anyway.
I've never been able to hack them myself. I can't imagine how hard it must be to make a thing work that's LD from the off.
Not my thing either. If I'm with someone, I'm with someone.
My girlfriend did three years at uni in Edinburgh and is now about halfway brought a 10 month placement in china.
It'll be hard to give tips as each relationship will be different and different things will work for different couples. Just appreciate the time you do get to spend together and be open with each other. This stuff will come naturally over time.
Sometimes it sucks. My girlfriend is feeling very homesick and a little depressed at the moment and there isn't much I can do except talk to her everyday.
Unless you've already know this person for ages or there's something else super special going on I'd suggest an actual relationship?
in "LDR"s next week. I'll take some notes for you.
They're always a brilliant idea.
and then hang on.
the gf is moving here in a couple months, has been a really fuckin long wait but will be worth it.
except my lady is hopefully arriving this month. her stay overseas was unexpected, though, and somewhat forced by cruel fate. unlike you I've never met her. in fact I've met your overseas gf more than my own lol
I was still in highschool and she was at uni. After a year of that, visited her about 4 times throughout, I vowed never to do it again... I'm currently in a long distance relationship now. I think it helps if you have set dates you're gonna trip up or down to see them, gives you something to look forward to, ya know? Also needs to be a lot of trust between the both of you, but I guess that goes without saying. It's silly, but sexting is good. Something I used to always laugh about in the past but it's surprisingly good. Harmless fun.
i never want to be in one ever again. They're just drawn out and ultimately quite boring. I can't imagine ever meeting anyone so unique that I'd be inclined to start a long distance relationship with them.
Both of these outcomes are legit if you're being honest throughout. And honesty/trust is all you can really ask of each other. In an LDR, an absence of honesty/trust will be brought into sharp focus pretty quickly when the LD bit disappears. So just roll with it and don't fret. With the honesty/trust thing locked down, just enjoy what there is to be had. What will be will be.
You'll know. If not sooner, then later.
The end result isn't the important thing.
Love isn't a project or an experiment: it's a state of mind and a way of life.
(As any gud psyentist kno, measuring alters what's being observed.)
you still have to be able to see each a fair bit, I think. otherwise it's difficult to really build the relationship.
that LDRs can bring. It can seriously warp perspective...
when I was living in Hertfordshire. Not quite the same really.
I know LOTS of people who are / have been in solid long distance relationships. Granted it's not always ideal but if you both like each other you'll find ways to make it work.
Congrats, by the way!
On one hand, yeah, it can be a bit shit at times (I'm with her now but it's the first time in five weeks) but on the other when you are together it's extra special.
Saying that, I probably wouldn't advise on one with someone outside the country. You need to be able to see each other with some level of regularity.
What a nice thread
has made this thread a lot more confusing than it ought to be