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remember going round my mates once to look at his mum's two dildos and watch a grainy vhs where a dentist has a threesome with his patient and nurse. she wasn't there
I dedicated quitre a lot of my life to rifling through my parents stuff when they weren't there (which is weird because I am remarkably trusting about letting people have a free rein in my house when I'm not there, and I would never dream of invaded somebody else's privacy now i'm no longer a horror child.
Found some absolutey quality stuff. At least I know where I get my penchant for fancy dress from.
(yeah. thanks dad.)
My mum had some absolute belters though, inc peephole-titty nurse's dress.
Mother found mine once when I was a young teen and just tidied it away and said nothing more about it.
which, in their own way, pre-dated the lads' mag
because they had so much grot their was no way to sufficiently hide it all from the kids. They had an entire wardrobe dedicated to European porn on VHS. Enough mags to wallpaper the Sistine chapel. It was a wonder to behold.
The day he worked out the code was a beautiful. He'd been trying different combinations for years. And then, in the middle of a party, he cracked it. We all left with bags of porn that day. Lord knows what his old man made of coming home to find his collection of bongo vids ravaged by a swarm of horny teenagers.
The persistence you acquire as a young man when you're attempting to find grot.
Well...fuck. I'd like to think if I were to rewrite my teenage years I'd be able to come up with a better image for myself than me trotting off down the street pleased as punch with a netto bag full of grainy german porn.
i was a bit disappointed 'cos they looked like hastily-purchased vending machine ones, and then i thought jesus these things probably don't even work, and then i thought wait a minute these look pretty old, and then i thought jesus i hope they're not, say, 15 years old...
Ribbed for her Pleaure, which gave me the boke.
Also, I found this to be amazingly hypocritical considering my father's fanatical devotion to the teachings of the vatican.
but i'm assuming this is Wayne's World, right?
Searched long and wide but the best I found was a Linda Lovelace biography in the attic.
Left a jazz mags in the bathroom a few times post wank then found them on my bed in my bedroom later. Was mortifying the first couple of times, then I just laughed about it.
good god man, how careless are you?
what the fuck is wrong with you?
I'd kill myself if I left a copy of Scrunt in my parents bathroom even once
Second time disbelief that I'd done it again
Third time, just gotten so ridiculous I just found it funny
First time, when I was about 7 or something my parents had left a soft-core (Betamax) video one they'd rented called "Angel Above, Devil Below".
I really didn't know what the hell was going on in it, but it def felt very adult. I was telling my friend about it in the street the next day and my mum stuck her head out the window and told me to shut up.
My best mate at primary school found a copy of Penthouse on top of his dad's wardrobe which gave me my first glimpse of bush, lots of it too - it was the 70s.
His old man was a widower so fair play I reckon
Which had 'Glasses Included' on it...these were the glasses
hilarious scandi stuff
Small number more esoteric titles.
Pretty sure I witnessed a bag of the latter being transferred between my dad and uncle at one family gathering. Grimmmm =D
probs best not google at work tbh
knew that'd dislodge sooner or later.
*hilarious scandi porn soundtracks
looking for hidden birthday presents (10th coming up)
Found a suitcase I'd never seen before under my P's bed
Contents; a stash of pornos, a keyhole bra & a pair of crotchless panties
the pornos were good though
if you had actually been given them for your birthday.
safe in the knowledge they'd never dare bring it up.
As it happens they did bring it up, when they blamed my sister.
that seems like an unusual deduction on their part?
has been a recurring theme throughout our lives. Also they're from an age where porn and strip clubs were considered a more unisex/sophisticated pastime than they are now
"an age where porn and strip clubs were considered a more unisex/sophisticated pastime than they are now"
nope, you're going to have to explain this one too.
where you might rub shoulders with the rich and famous in Raymond's Revue Bar. Bizarre temporary aftershock from the sexual revolution.
is your sister a bit of a dirtbag?
so no, if anything she's frigid to the point of dysfunction.
Things worked the opposite in our house: anything bad happened, I got the blame (usually correctly tbf). My big sis was/is a saint so I was on a hiding to nowt
stash. I was looking for some of his old jeans to cut into shorts and underneath a lovely pair of white 501's, there was a pile of Raymonds. Nothing too sleazy. I was so scared of seeing my Mum in the reader's wives section.
She wasn't in it.
I read it from cover-to-cover many many times.
Once the images were a little 'worn' I turned to the readers' stories. Oh goodness.
Each finished with a pair of initials and location. One was crudely marked with a biro. I curiously read the lurid tale about initial masturbation and subsequent chance arrival of an ex-husband. The initials were that of my mum's childhood friend.
Fortunately, we don't see them often, only once every five years. I'm 'in' on their secret without them knowing.
when I was around ten I think. Cheapskate. Became a bit obsessed with a couple of ladies in there and kept sneaking back for another look at them. Also found my Dad's internet search history when I was a young teenager containing loads of searches for big cocks, which made me think he could be a closet gay, and for some reason I told my mum about the search history. Sorry dad.
found a forum mag hidden inside a Delia Smith cookbook and everything would suddenly become clear! ;)
searching for big cocks?
I remember being in the house one day and it was just my dad and I. I walked into the study and he quickly turned off the monitor and acted really anxious, so when he went out a short while later I thought I would have a look. Jesus that sounds grim, baaad daaad!
I was clearing the loft at my mum’s place and there was tons of old fishing equipment. I was carefully sorting it all through just in case there was anything decent amongst all this dust covered shite but eventually I got bored so I just started chucking stuff down. The very first bag I threw down contained some retro smut magazines which my mum declared ‘typical of him’.
God only knows what the old fucker got up to while ‘fishing’…
old enough to work the video player, one morning me and my brother put on a video and I remember there was loads of nudity and it was kind a roman baths type setting, then a woman in robes started sucking what to my young eyes was a poo (now I know it was a black dildo). We obviously got bored and turned it off an my parents were none the wiser...
until... my grandad came round either later that day or the next and I said 'oh we watched a video of a woman sucking a poo', my mums face was a picture, my grandad was a bit confused
it could have actually been a poo, maybe they were into some weird shit
sucking a poo?
freeze it I guess
your family is pretty gross huh
they didn't have 2girls1cup kinda stuff back in the day
I wonder if my brother remembers the incident, might ask him
I found an old grainy vhs of Caligula also in my dad's sock drawer. Fast forward to present day, and it's now one of my favourite films. I also bought my dad a copy of the dvd version a few years back for his birthday, for a laugh like. He was nonplussed.
We watched it in the days before internet pr0n, so must have been 13 or so, had only ever seen page 3 and the odd minge from some grot in a hedge next to a layby before. This video showed it going in and everything, blew my tiny mind.
just in a download folder, turned out to be very soft Playboy stuff. The main concern of mine was that he actually signed up and paid for this shit when he could get much better stuff for free.
my mum being away for the weekend and I'd been farmed off for the day to a friend's house, only I came home early. The door was locked, so I went round to the front room window assuming my old man would be in there. And there he was, biffing one out on the sofa. Not sure I fully understood what he was doing, but the look on his face as he clocked me at the window told me I probably shouldn't have seen it.
Another time, a bit younger, I found my dad's cricket box in his wardrobe. Had no idea what it was, but it made a cool looking mask. My mum wasn't too happy when she spotted me wearing it.
Lots of talk relating to dad's genitals in this post. Not great.
when we first got internet (I was 11 or 12, can't remember) and I spotted grot in the rudimentary IE history bar, which was barely hidden at that point. Like fuck was I getting the blame for it.
Remind me never to cut any of you in on anything illegal
I was afraid
in my parent's bedroom when I was quite young, which I was drawn back to. Eventually my younger brother told my parents I'd been looking at it, and my dad just said, in a slightly awkward manner, "Nothing wrong with that, that's perfectly healthy". I would rather have had a bollocking.
That was a bit worrying.
Someone (presumably this lads dad) had written speech bubbles in biro with stuff like ''fuck my twat'' coming out of the women's mouths.
Don't know if he did it pre, during or post wank but everyone at school found it hilarious when they somehow found out about it.
But when I was about 20, so not too long ago, my parents left a half empty tube of Wet and Wild lube in the bathroom.
I immediately ran downstairs and said 'i don't care what you've done with it but please can you remove that from the bathroom'. My mum and dad immediately looked at each other, my dad laughed and my mum shouted 'IT WAS A SECRET SANTA PRESENT. WE WERE JUST JOKING AROUND WITH IT'
Not helping mum especially as it was like March or something.