Just me back in work today?
Chelsea win by hook or by crook. Uncle Howard paying off the first slice of his summer transfer from Man Utd.
City win by hook or by crook. Joe Hart and Edin Dzeko saving the Blues after a brave showing from Palace.
United win by hook or by crook. New best striker ever Danny Welbz rescuing his side after they were battered a bit.
Arsenal win by hook or by crook, spending ninety minutes throwing themselves to the ground at SJP.
Elsewhere, it's left to Hull, Sunderland, West Ham and West Brom to serve up some actually entertaining football. Kill me now.
Transfer rumours include Xabi Alonso to Chelsea, Nick Powell to Hull, Tony Hibbert to Man United and Nakhi Wells to Blackburn.