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So, I think sometimes in life its important to apologise and make the peace, even if you don't think you've done anything wrong.

Garrincha [Edit] [Delete] 34 replies 09:51, 27 September '13

to keep the peace and make feel better about themselves and stuff.

yep, that's right - its another thread about stuff that is bothering me at the moment.

the backstory -

my mum got pregnant at 16. now, back in the day this was not cool and her parents basically made her feel like shit, told her to either abort it or put it up for adoption.

my mum took the latter option - and she told me once this story about going to the hospital on her own, having the baby, then going to an office on her own and signing that human over to the authorities. this shit hits me right to my very core, maaaaaaan.

anyway, I don't think (rightly or wrongly) that my mum has ever forgiven her folks for a)making her make that incredibly difficult decision on her own and b) fucking having to deal with the having and signing over all on her own. I think she is pretty pissed in fact, and this has been bubbling under for maybe 40 years.

Anyway, I was at my grannys yesterday and we were nattering about shit and I said 'I have something important to say to you, you ready for it'
she said yeah.

So, I told her that I understand that it was a less informed time and what have you, but I thought for the sake of making peace and putting shit to bed, she might want to consider writing my mum a letter talking about this. not accepting blame or whatever, but just maybe addressing it and saying she understood how tough it must have been for my mum, barely a kid, handing over a kid and stuff.

she thought about it for a bit, but basically she wasn't digging it. I love my Granny more than anything, but maaaaaan, come out of your comfort zone a little, you know. make an effort and you COULD make someone a little happier in life. your own Daughter, ffs!

so yeah, this is something that is bothering me a bit. maybe I'm being selfish expecting her to say 'yeah, you're right, get me a pen and paper'

dunno what any of this means, really.

just basically, I think fundamentally that people should make an effort sometimes to be nice and do the right thing.

I have said too much, but that is golf.

Thoughts?

no mum jokes, please!

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  • apology accepted

    douchebag | 27 Sep '13, 09:56 | X
  • is it Oversharing Friday?

    i've not had a lob-on for a week.

    mala | 27 Sep '13, 09:58 | X
    • get to a doctor my good man

      inside-outside @mala | 27 Sep '13, 14:17 | X
  • your granny sounds like a bit of a bitch

    cat_race | 27 Sep '13, 10:03 | X
    • .....

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z-FPimCmbX8

      labmonkeya529 @cat_race | 27 Sep '13, 10:05 | X
      ElthamsmateOwen this'd this
    • fuck you, mate

      Garrincha @cat_race | 27 Sep '13, 10:35 | X
      • sorry pal

        you said it

        cat_race @Garrincha | 27 Sep '13, 11:09 | X
  • depends on how in the wrong someone is

    Flip this situation around - do you think your mum should apologise to your gran for being angry at her for 40 years, just to smooth things over?

    I don't. She's in the right. It's not on her to make that step.

    Epimer | 27 Sep '13, 10:17 | X
  • It's a tough one

    Sometimes people don't want to accept your apology, and you trying to make one makes things worse.

    zahidf | 27 Sep '13, 10:23 | X
    • sometimes?

      cat_race @zahidf | 27 Sep '13, 10:33 | X
      • I think he's referring to one very specific time.

        Steved @cat_race | 27 Sep '13, 10:34 | X
        • No

          idea what your talking about.

          If someone makes a sincere apology, which is then accepted, then that should be the end of it. If it is not accepted, then the person who made the apology has done all they can do, and can do no more.

          zahidf @Steved | 27 Sep '13, 10:43 | X
  • Good on you for trying

    When it comes to family feuds, there are always two sides to the story and it's rare that just one side is completely in the right. Both sides usually feeling like they haven't been listened to, or understood, and feeling hard done by. Better to be happy than right, no? However, changing other peoples actions, and thoughts just isn't going to happen, best you can do is lead by example.

    It's early, ignore me.

    ma0sm | 27 Sep '13, 10:30 | X
  • hi skillz - i'm not always sure about you, but this is a good thing you have done

    i don't think your being selfish if you hoped and expected her to say 'yeah, you're right, get me a pen and paper', but now that your gran's made that decision i think it's kindof out of your hands really. you can't force people into making what you perceive to be the right decisions, you don't have that right, or power, no matter how good your intentions are. Maybe she'll think on it a bit and will write that letter when she's had a bit of time to consider it.

    well done for bringing it up tho, IT'S GOOD TO TALK

    chris-budget | 27 Sep '13, 10:30 | X
    ma0sm, Royter-Hatfood, umlaut_ampersand, NoahVale, ElthamsmateOwen, moker, and monoshono this'd this
    • cheers, man

      yeh. you're right. my family are emotional rocks, so nothing will ever happen with this.
      people will go to the grave having not done the right thing and they will be resented for that.

      fuck em!

      Garrincha @chris-budget | 27 Sep '13, 10:37 | X
      • but at least now your granny has heard the other side spoken out loud

        she can't really lie to herself and say it was black and white anymore.

        Elaina_Casoolare @Garrincha | 27 Sep '13, 10:45 | X
        • yep. point has been made

          she has mild demntia anyway, so will have completely forgotten the conversation already

          Garrincha @Elaina_Casoolare | 27 Sep '13, 10:59 | X
          • oh bloody hell

            Elaina_Casoolare @Garrincha | 27 Sep '13, 11:03 | X
            • its cool

              she forgets what she has for lunch and stuff and sometimes gets a bit frightened, but she is super, super healthy. she's 93 and went on 4 cruises last year, ffs!

              Garrincha @Elaina_Casoolare | 27 Sep '13, 11:05 | X
    • ^this

      plus if you're listening to your own advice then there's not much else to do but maintain the peace, i don't think there'd be any need to apologise though.

      foppyish @chris-budget | 27 Sep '13, 11:12 | X
    • I think this thread proves that Skillz (Ol' Eleven)

      is a great bloke like I've always said and you're all just a bunch of holier than thou judgemental bastards who bask in the warm, self satisfied glow of being apparently liberal and tolerant. YOU FUCKING SMUG CUNTS.

      moker @chris-budget | 27 Sep '13, 12:16 | X
      moker this'd this
      • That last post is a joke

        Everybody calm down.

        moker @moker | 27 Sep '13, 12:17 | X
  • Never apologise

    Never get out of the boat

    Royter-Hatfood | 27 Sep '13, 10:37 | X
  • Y'ALL READY FOR THIS

    codpieceface | 27 Sep '13, 10:38 | X
  • There's a load of stuff I'd like to talk to my family about

    But I don't think I ever will. Sleeping dogs and all that.

    zxcvbnm- | 27 Sep '13, 10:56 | X
    • You could talk quietly so you don't wake the dogs up.

      Steved @zxcvbnm- | 27 Sep '13, 10:59 | X
      Chip_Batch this'd this
    • true, mate

      true. you don't pick your family...and if you did, you probably wouldn't

      Garrincha @zxcvbnm- | 27 Sep '13, 10:59 | X
    • You could always wake your mum up

      Balonz @zxcvbnm- | 27 Sep '13, 11:00 | X
      Royter-Hatfood this'd this
      • (is that allowed in here? It's a mum joke but it's not about fisting her or nowt)

        Balonz @Balonz | 27 Sep '13, 11:01 | X
        • GET OUT BALONZ

          zxcvbnm- @Balonz | 27 Sep '13, 11:04 | X
        • one one hand its a very funny your mum joke,

          on the other its a very serious thread

          monoshono @Balonz | 27 Sep '13, 14:39 | X
  • This is quite pertinent for me

    Not the same scenario, but I have a family feud ongoing which I am right at the centre of. It is a very difficult thing to resolve when you are the subject of it (e.g. your mum/your gran) but someone slightly out of it with good intentions (i.e. you) can make a difference. I applaud you Silky (*claps*)

    As to how you might resolve it: if the letter doesn't work, then you might be able to get them talking. If it was me, I'd lay it on thick to both of them about how much you love each of them and how you hate to see them separated by something. In most cases (and I'd guess in this one too) deep down the protagonists really want to make things right but pride stops them. So you are often pushing on an open door

    All the best with it, guv

    NoahVale | 27 Sep '13, 11:20 | X
  • They say that forgiveness is the key to happiness

    So perhaps instead of holding out for apologies, we should let go.

    I have a lot of pent up anger about my Dad and his general cunt behaviour and boozing when I was growing up. Especially now he's older and I'm having to look after him more and I know that if he does die, I'll only feel even more upset and basically I'm snookered and there's no way to "win" or get proper closure on that.

    Conversely, and here's a confession, even though I feel I was in the right, I feel a little guilty for the RAGE in some threads on here. I actually like everyone, and feel like it pissed some people off and that irks me.

    that's golf man.*

    *I'm nicking that.

    moker | 27 Sep '13, 12:21 | X
  • Hello POPPET

    You did a good thing, man. You need to remember though that we are a comparatively enlightened generation where it's ok, in fact good, to talk about feelings. Where it's ok to forgive and to even apologise where objectively, there might not be an apology due. Your gran is from a different time and it just might not sit easily with her. She also might have problems accepting criticism .my mum is like this and so whenever we have a fall out, no matter how awful she has been I pipe down and apologise unreservedly to her. It's frustrating, but she's 60 and she's not going to change her ways now.
    What you have done is to plant the seed and what your gran chooses to do with it now is up to her. It does not make her a bad person if she chooses to do precisely nothing.

    Families are so tough but when you are fortunate enough to have a loving family, all of the shit is worth it.

    PickledOeuf | 27 Sep '13, 15:01 | X
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